CONGRATULATIONS TravisTay!!!!!! You have achieved Kartrashian Status on my Official IDGAF Meter!* *Note to advertisers: This means I will not click on any link to any article, video, social media post, meme, or other content which, directly or indirectly, mentions any of them. Plan accordingly.

Fat Man and Little Boy bombed.

You seem to be conflating '24 karats' with the '24 CARROTS' they have to grind up every time you need to color your face. The only 24 karat things in your White [Nationalist] House are your childish whims, and your ability to lie about them. Now, RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES!!!

They're in the wrong city. The Pirates are in Pittsburgh… …and they have THREE rivers.

Not buying it. More likely to be FF45*47 at the center of the circle jerk where they will be required to pledge fealty to Mango Mussolini, and follow all orders, no matter how illegal, or be relieved of duty.

There’s a non-zero chance the troops being deployed to Portland wind up in Maine.

Another season, another chance for the Marlins to knock the Mets out of the playoffs. #LetsGoMetsButYouKnowMets

I was too busy living in agnostic reality to notice. Are they all gone? Thank God.

He was the product of an inaccurate deception. So, there's that.

Bob Iger should pull ESPN on ABC content from any ABC affiliates that refuse to air @jimmykimmel.com, or at the very least swap out the top-tier matchups with poker tournaments or some other bottom-dwelling stuff that would otherwise be relegated to ESPN3 or ESPNews programming #IStandWithKimmel

Are you implying Charlie might be alive today had you locked him up for all the hate he was speaking? #ResignNowAndTakeTheOrangeShitstainWithYou

Not over it.

Got over it.

Hey, MAGAts. Why is president* “I am peace.” trying to start a war with Venezuela instead of releasing the Epstein files?

This MAGAt-on-MAGAt violence has got to stop!

Kilmeade’s not-at-all-genuine ‘apology’ was not to save his job—his job was never in jeopardy. The ‘apology’ was to save everyone at FauxNews, especially corporate executives, from having to answer if Kilmeade should be fired. “He apologized. Now go away. We have more lies for him to spread.”

His killing is a tragedy. His death is not.

It’s going to bomb Venezuela, isn’t it?

Yeah, but will Pirro be able to convince a grand jury to indict any of them because so far… #MostIncompetentAdministrationInTheHistoryOfTheWorld

“In light of the recent court ruling, with which I will STRONGLY comply, troops will NOT engage in any policing or law enforcement. They will be tasked with protecting and polishing The Bean—I love The Bean, it’s fun to say BEAN…BEAN…BONG—which is covered with disgusting handprints—a real eyesore.”

Susan Collins will announce she will not seek a sixth term citing her earlier pledge to only serve two terms.

If there’s a sudden outbreak of cholera around the White House, we’ll know why.

Two words: 'Plausible Deniability'. "Your Honor. I wasn't throwing the sandwich AT him—I was throwing the sandwich TO him. I just thought after a long day of jackbooting innocent people, he might be a bit peckish."

“Are you missing the bigger picture?” Better: Why do you continue demonizing already marginalized people to further a Christo-fascist agenda instead of acknowledging your incessant vilification of trans people causes untold damage to their mental health.

Nah, I’m sure American businesses will gladly take an 18%+ hit to their profits to maintain prices for their customers because corporate altruism is the founding principle of companies whose sole ‘value’ is based on their price-to-earnings ratio.

You know nothing M SNOW.

“Donald, I have something to show you… …Digitally remastered in 4K. You can see every tiny detail… …Dolby Atmos sound. You can really hear the pee. Now, about this ceasefire nonsense…”

Ghislaine Maxwell being transferred to a minimal security prison camp is either a prelude to a pardon, or it's giving her a final chance to feel the sun on her face, and the grass beneath her feet before…

Yeah. Call me when AOC uses $10,000,000 of taxpayer money to promote her golf courses in Scotland. And while you’re waiting for that, do Clarence Thomas.

First question for Maxwell when [if] she testifies before Congress: What did you discuss with Todd Blanche, and what deal did he offer?

They're laying the groundwork for disqualifying Biden from running for a 'third' term while simultaneously declaring president* Pedophile's second term its first term so it can run for a second second term. #4DChess

Rude awakening