Back in my day false idols were cool and made of gold. Now they are ugly and made of orange fat.

Your church service today can and should consist of watching the extended Lord of the Rings trilogy while being violently hungover.

Happy valentine's day to all you girl-less virgin losers hahahaha hahahaha *starts sobbing*

Second coming of Christ just happened...shooting for a 3rd and 4th time before the day is over.

If there really was a Me, ol 47 would have blood running out of the faucets, frogs and locusts breaking the doors down, and his first born son would be kaput. It's a goal this account aspires to re-create one day

She sure is

In a book SPECIFICALLY WRITTEN ABOUT ME I'm mentioned 80% or 80 out of every 100 pages. In the Epstien files, Trump (who the files aren't specifically written for) is in 2% or 2 out of every 100 pages THAT'S A FUCK LOAD OF MENTIONS IN A 3MILLION PAGE DOCUMENT THIS SHOULDN'T BE IGNORED LIKE IT IS

I saw a clip of the pyrotechnics and lights and people dancing and thought it was another funeral for Charlie Kirk before I realized it was just the alternative halftime show.

Guess who has two thumbs and isn't listed anywhere in the Epstien files... This guy!

I would like the NFL to let me lead the opening prayer for the game. Watch how hard MAGA rage shits themselves when a middle eastern man get up on the mic and denounces #47 and ICE.

I should really update my front door to a real door instead of a boulder. It's becoming tiresome.

Gotta be honest, I didn't accept being my own father to be the face of a religion that was meant to foster love for everyone just for a bunch of fanatics to exclude everyone.

Cmon PA, don't lose sight of the more local elections. We win these and we can help to defeat the larger issues!

Every time I get on here to post something funny for a change I see yet another atrocity and feel compelled to throw out another anti administration post. I can't wait for the day we can all get back to shit posting and cat memes.

In case yinz haven't heard, there's a national strike going on today! Here is a helpful list, especially the last one.

It's true. Ice really does melt in the warmth of acceptance, love, and community.

Too cold to have gone commando under this robe

Can't believe the bar is set so low that all it takes to illicit the "damn I'm gonna happy cry" response is for the MN National Guard to hand out coffee and donuts to protestors while being unmasked and wearing high viz vests.

It's good to limit what you take in. Make sure you check on others as well to see how they are doing and keep your community group strong!

Same thing here. Fuck this administration.

I've got a large enough base here that I can't stay silent...not like I do anyway but get out in the streets and tell ice and tell 47 and bovino and Miller to go fuck themselves. This only goes away when we use our anger in protest...pewceful or otherwise. If you're not striking, start.

Fuck guys, almost had one good day... Fuck ICE. Fill em full of holes.

There shouldn't be a single day these cowards know peace. Call and bitch them out...make them regret their pathetic life choice.

You can all use the script if you want but I'll be asking why Dave Mccormick and @johnfetterman.com are cowards and if they want to slightly redeem their pathetic lives they can start by not letting this pass.

Can we somehow get back to the age where rich dudes built extravegant libraries and elementary schools?

In better news the @sabres.com are doing well and this time I didn't do anything to help, it's all them and their hard work/good play!

I really wish I had the mystical powers that this account is based on so I could quickly and peacefully bring about a much better age for this earth. The best I can give you all though is sexual innuendos, penis jokes, and the occasional witty self reflection.

I like my ICE crushed and my ORANGE CHEETO ground into a fine dust.

The hope of having midterms seems like the only thing keeping protestors as peaceful as we have been. Should 47 take them away then there's no more guardrails for peace. If you haven't started stocking food/meds here and there you've got till around NOV to do so.

To anyone saying "you're not doing enough" and "resistance is supposed to be hard and uncomfortable" We are not all in the same situation in life and sometimes attending every rally isn't posisble. What is possible is calling your reps and cussing them out for not doing the minimum of their job.

Hell yeah Philly.

I know its not funny but it needs said.

"When he dies who, it'll obviously be great but will his replacement be worse?" Thoughts I have at 2am while drinking string cheese out of the can.

Oh wow I'd hate to be this guy!

It's go time America. Show up in droves. Come together. The only way out of this mess, America. #3E

As a secret masochist, I'm glad that in all the media depicting me being whipped then nailed to the cross they left out my massive erection.

Does anyone know if there's any group at all who is actively working on fighting the massive surge of MAGA misinformation bots who have just come out of the woodwork on Jan 1st?

If you cosplay as me I'm coming down and we are chugging wine til one of us is left. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

It's only 5 days into my 2026th birthday and I'm trying to stick to my resolution of "only comedy on this account" but holy Me is it really fucking hard to stay the course. That said, if 47 still thinks he's getting into heaven then yall can do whatever the hell you want to and you're getting in 🤷

Before the crow caws, you will deny me 3 times. Which is perfect because that's my kink.

If you've ever been alone in the woods masturbating and had the feeling like someone's watching you don't worry you're not alone...it was just me.

Can our military go in and bomb then capture 47 next please?

Look like wrath, envy, gluttony, and stupidity all found their homes within one gross human being.