I just realized I never posted the final product—I can literally 😉✨ now!

In the spicy seat! 🌶️

“I love your gay pride shirt!” —some rando at Omega Mart

ram prices dropping 🔥

Looking forward to my annual New Year's tradition of getting (legally) flavor-blasted and almost being asked to leave Meow Wolf Omega Mart.

If I were an NHL goalie, I would simply not let the puck into my goal. 🤷‍♀️

I love how slutty hockey is. Oh you’re shooting your shot at another guy? And another guy assisted? Gay.

At the Boy Aquarium.

"That time I got reincarnated as a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt." Call that Moe anime.

What do you MEAN "the guy who helped track Al-Quaeda leading up to 9/11, resigned from the FBI after illegally accessing records on another private investigator, and is currently awaiting sentencing for attempting to bribe Puerto Rico's governor" starred in a Miller Lite commercial in 1985?!

“Never follow a girl who has a switchblade out to the tracks.” But what if she wants to kiss? 🥺

Whoever made this meme is responsible

Big day for Magic: The Gathering MTG reclaimers.

friday night plans

Look, if you’re not hotboxing the News 2 Weather Authority StormTracker Bronco with me, I have to assume you’re hotboxing the News 2 Weather Authority StormTracker Bronco against me.

Girrrrrl if we could get a WeWork with the ambiance of a furry rave, I would get shit DONE.

Taking my Darling Wormson out for his first night out at the clerb. 🪩

My perfect son. My precious boi. My sweet childe. Meet The Unreasonably Long Fenwick Squelch, Mother’s Little Problem. 💚

Who would have thought someone named FETUSGRINDER would be the friendliest DJ I’ve ever met, and also the most fun to VJ for?

Charting out brave new frontiers

DJing tonight. I hope this furry convention likes electronic music.

Restaurants just keep finding new and interesting ways to combine ketchup and mayo.

Being alive in these times is fucking sick. I love Popeyes spicy chicken, doordashing weed to my hotel room, and being bi.

My one character flaw is that I mock gen alpha for going crazy over "YIPPEEEEE!" when I know damn well that hearing "I miss my wife, Tails" would throw me absolutely FERAL.

Look, those star pimple patches are cute and all, but I grew up in the 80s with Clearasil, Stridex, and Oxy 10 commercials all over my Nickelodeon—if I had something on my face drawing attention to my imperfections, I would simply die.

I regret to inform you—now that I drive a 4x4 SUV, I completely understand the Big Truck urge to drive over concrete dividers on the highway. 😖

“With prices so low, we can’t reveal our location on radio…call for an appointment!” Sweetie, you’re a mattress store. What are you afraid of, big Sleepy’s sending their goons?

Me, introducing Sora AI on the news with my trademark extremely niche references: “Here’s one Sora that’s not ‘Simple and Clean’…”

Took up almost an hour out of a work meeting to discuss the subtle differences in the Big Boy statues between operators (mainly Frisch's, Elias Bros., Bob's, and Shoney's.) I have a feeling some of my coworkers might suspect I'm neurodivergent.😅

So the conductor says to the model train enthusiast, "your mom's HO scale."

How Mariners’ marketing is using the motto “Seize the Moment” for their postseason campaign when “SEAS the Moment” is RIGHT THERE. 🤦‍♀️

When announcing roller derby, I usually refer to the crowd as "ladies and gentlemen, gays and theys" to be inclusive, but at today's bouts, I switched it up and used "everypony" instead and chat, let me tell you—nopony enjoyed that.

Happy National Coming Out Day, but I'm not coming out anymore. If you don't already know I'm gay and trans, that's on you, sweetie. 🤷‍♀️

As a huge fan of underdogs, I’m torn between Seattle and Detroit in the ALDS. I’d love to see either team advance.

Gauging my parents' exposure to conservative media by texting them to let them know I've arrived in Chicago for my layover.

What's your problem with women's sports? You'd rather watch a bunch of sweaty, beefy men fighting over a ball? Sounds kind of gay. 🤷‍♀️

Sure, you can get to the polycule via HRT—just get on the 420 to the Woke station, then transition over to the Vaccine Express and take that 69 stops to Nonbinary Plaza.

“A second Tylenol has hit the placenta.”

Name a bat 🦇🦇🦇 this #SpookySeason! @ufl.edu is home to one of the world’s largest occupied bat abodes and you can name a UF bat by making a gift to any area on campus (including the bat houses and your favorite museum) before October 31. 🦇 Find out how: affinitygiving.ufl.edu/campaigns/na...

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Pronouns in bio? Mais cher, I’m Cajun. I have pronouns in bayou. 🦞

I accidentally glitched out an animation I was working on and created a perfect example of what the passage of time feels like to someone with ADHD

the G in LGBT stands for graphic designer

Baseball is just Banana Ball for straight people.

Can a puppygirl be an alpha male? Plus, Dave has your weekend forecast, tonight at 10.

I saw a photo of a women’s hockey player and her husband and it made me stop and think for a minute that yeah, I guess there could be straight people in the PWHL, too.

Joining the war on Autism on the side of Autism.