I like my Jesus to be psychedelic. #TalladegaNights

"Religion has given the world a tremendous amount of comfort in a world torn apart by religion." ~ Jon Stewart

Things Happen For @contrariannews.org Follow my work on Substack: nickanderson.substack.com

Age yourself with gaming.

nothing means anything anymore.

Scary For @rawstory.com Follow my work on Substack: nickanderson.substack.com

If there is ever an apocalypse, I don't care what kind it is, I'm going to Nick Offerman's house.

I recently acquired a roommate, a little lizard. I've named him Gojira.

My mother swears her dogs are her children, yet she constantly leaves one or the other outside and forgets about them. And now I know why I'm screwed up.

RIP Ace Frehley. KISS was my first concert, and the only band I've seen twice. My first time was in Houston when I was 8 years old.

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

ME: Yeah, so, it took a couple of years, but I finally finished all 1,232 episodes of Dark Shadows. INTERVIEWER: That's... not really what we mean by accomplishments.

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.

Ovaltine is the shit, man.

I guess the 1st Amendment is meaningless now, and we're just a step or two away from state TV being implemented. Forget foreign threats - the real danger is right here in America.

At least he's being honest.

It’s unironically what he would want. bsky.app/profile/owil...

Now is it time to talk about gun control? Or should we just send thoughts and prayers?

Most Dangerous Places in the U.S. in 2025-2026 realestate.usnews.com/places/ranki... SPOILER ALERT: Most of them are in red states, and #Chicago didn't even make the list.

Trump's so full of shit, I'm surprised his eyes aren't brown. #Russia #Ukraine youtu.be/jcNzoONhrmE...

Tim Apple is no Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs is rolling over in his grave. #Siri #Apple #Google #Gemini techcrunch.com/2025/08/22/a...

Getting ice out of the freezer while everyone else is asleep is the loudest noise you will ever make in your life.

I can't wait for the Bigly - It's Like Nothing Anyone's Ever Seen Before Bill.

This is epic. I can't believe I actually liked Tucker Carlson for a couple of minutes. youtube.com/shorts/thlUT...

DATE: So what do you do? ME: I'm the town crier. HER: Oh cool, so have you got a bell? ME: *starting to sob* I do not

"God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money." ~ Yogurt

the world ended a long time ago but we were all too busy on our phones to notice

I have a friend who thinks he's so smart. He said eagles can read a newspaper from a mile away, and I was like, you moron, eagles can't read.

Want to seriously enhance your experience with Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord? See my Bannerlord Unbound mod collection. It's a stable, carefully curated set of 60+ of the most popular mods to enhance quality of life, immersion, and realism. #MountAndBlade #Bannerlord www.nexusmods.com/games/mounta...

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

All YouTubers should be British.

11 more weeks, and Pink Floyd's classic album The Dark Side of the Moon will have been on the Billboard Top 200 chart for 1,000 weeks. 🤯

“I was hungry” and you cut SNAP. “I was thirsty” and you cut funding to ensure clean water. “I was sick” and you cut medicaid. “I was a stranger” and you deported me. “I was in prison” and you just left me there to rot. “Whatever you do to the least of these, you do unto me.”-Jesus

I'm "@ means 'each' and # is the pound sign" years old.

Fuck Israel. www.cnn.com/2025/05/24/m...

I'm the Minutemen General, the incoming Director of the Institute, a Paladin with the Brotherhood of Steel, the strength of the Railroad, and the savior of the Commonwealth, but I can't seem to be able to jump over this small tree limb. #Fallout4

Raise a Glass for Norm: Remembering George Wendt

I worked in plenty of restaurants in my younger days, and when someone said, "86 the pickles", they meant "lose the pickles", not kill or murder the pickles.

Ronald Reagan on tariffs. youtube.com/shorts/Mj6N-...

In the age of the internet and artificial intelligence, the Vatican is still communicating via smoke signals.

This is the worst Photoshop job I've ever seen. It looks like they used a typewriter to do it.