My favourite artist

Whamageddon seems like something enjoyed by people who still say “living my best life”

Gilbert looks like he might have been in the army (derogatory)

If you want to help a food bank, give them CASH. Their money goes further than yours, and they can manage requirements better. They promote “buy an item a day advents” because they know people will do that rather than nothing, but they always prefer money

Only got two hours for a bath before the evening session now

I only said this to encourage him

Mad being a lady snookerfaness because Reddit were on about Ken looking fantastic for his age and having “made a deal with the devil to keep his looks” - he’s made a deal with his injector, fellas

Ken Doherty my favourite commentator, and Kyran is there too

Have already confidently predicted leclercq is going to get whitewashed here

Remember years ago when I got really pissed and messaged 50 of my tinder matches “hey you watching the snooker?” and then fell asleep 😔😔😔

Changing my TikTok username to “Wu Yize’s mullet”

Cancelled MEN return to prominence so often we have *expectations* around what form their return will take - hilarious

Supporting Ben Woollaston in this one because he and his wife are so cute - married at 24 after a 10-month romance and still together!

All snooker commentators are obsessed with saying “wry smile” - join me in noticing if you’re watching

Just found out that Judd Trump’s girlfriend is 10 years younger than him 😒😑

These are actually the only 5 cars I’ve owned: Citroën DS3 - crashed it and wrote it off Citroën DS3 - crashed it and wrote it off Citroën DS3 - sold it to fund a leech boyfriend VW Polo - sold it to a student and banged her dad Citroën DS3 - bought it a new engine so I’m keeping it forever

What I don’t understand is why people don’t just steal them? I would

I’m on such a good run of remembering to lock my car 😌

And all of our political and media class will still be at their garden party every summer. Individual men may care about violence against women: a patriarchy does not

Wearing a catsuit is so great 95% of the time but the other 5% is being nude from the knees up just to have a piss 😩

Does still really annoy me that we have endless Black Friday adverts when we don’t celebrate thanksgiving

We’ll never sort anything out in this country until we start thinking of our homes as shelter rather than as the only method of social mobility and wealth transfer available to most people - and no government is brave enough to do it

I don’t know anything about economics and I hate this shit little country full of shit little people so I’m watching a travelogue about Capri instead of caring about a budget

Reflecting on another of my rural driving habits: assuming “road closed ahead” signs are just a bit of banter - drove straight past four on my way back into the village

one of the coolest things about ChatGPT is how you can actually just never use it. you can fill your whole entire life with simply not once using it. it's incredible.

Got served in the fent shop by A MAN?!?! I don’t even think he was gay

No one at the rap battle will wait for me to type my prompts

I’d hate to be someone who doesn’t look adorable in a beanie at this time of year

All my meals are planned around “what’s about to go mouldy” rather than “what would I like” and I feel sad for me

I never wanted to be the “someone” in the “someone will have to have a look at this” and yet here I am working out how to fix a curtain pull cord

Finally getting round to mending the zip on the Schöffel I got for four quid - learn basic sewing skills and you’ll be in bargain city baby

Took a bowl of washing up water out to throw on the garden and felt even more morally superior than usual to people who have dishwashers

You can’t even give stuff away to a charity shop without men trying to track you down, stay safe Linda

I never see the mail; is it always so feminine? This seems indistinguishable from any women’s magazine

Yanks saying Glenn close when this is clearly Fiona Bruce

Yankee candles are Pandora bracelets and they’re also both the hotel chocolat velvetiser

Thing is we’re not *meant* to live anywhere that has a winter - you don’t see chimpanzees in the snow do you

Spent ten minutes choosing which design oodie I’ll get on the Black Friday half price sale and then decided I don’t need another one - busy afternoon

Ahh perfect

Look folks, it's really, really simple. Either we find our way to ecosocialism, or we're going to be ruled like serfs under a hereditary plutocracy gorging itself on everything good that's still up for grabs as the overheated, over-polluted world dies under our feet.

That sky advert with a clip of Elf is ruining my life goal of wanting to never see any of Elf. Seems like a version of Born Sexy Yesterday except Will Ferrell isn’t sexy

Had somebody knock on because he’s starting up a milk round??? Old fashioned glass bottles delivered twice a week to your door 🤯 I mean good luck to you lad but I don’t expect to see you again

Yes, I’m celebrating international men’s day by commenting on every news story I see

Genuinely feel if our parliamentarians are falling for “fake job offer on LinkedIn made out of the blue” we should let China take over immediately

All the other quotes have really surprised me, I am the woker? Plenty of clubs refuse entry to men on their own, what’s the problem? It’s a cocktail and karaoke bar where they don’t want lone men coming to look at groups of women like it’s a zoo, this is clearly the subtext here

Do you ever get a really epiphanic revelation that you’ve lived a completely different life than your parents? I called Friday “Poets day” and my mum had no idea what I meant because she was a teacher her whole career

Everyone’s “make social media fun again” until everyone’s posting whether they have snow or not

I’m in my mid-forties and, during my entire adulthood, the relentless haranguing, stereotyping, scapegoating, chastising, bullying of Muslims has been a central part of British public life.

Going to try very hard to not be blunt mean and anti-men all day 🤞🏻post whatever daft shit you want

Woman’s just walked into this charity shop with a basket of Christmas greenery to donate, saying loudly to her companion “well not when your son-in-law’s a paedophile”