Hop-hop star Diddy and his "train daughters" wtf

CEO of social media company 0% Normal Speedrun world record tho

Great song, great message, great theremin playing

BREAKING NEWS : ASSOCIATED PRESS UNDERGOES SUCCESSFUL SPINE STIFFENING, PREPARES TO DEFEND AGAINST FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT

This is manipulated media. It has been slowed approximately 66%. The video runs 57 seconds. JD is only good for 15-20 seconds. Go on and ask me how I know, I dare you.

The number of absolutely shriveled scrotums just skyrocketed in Portland Oregon. Local vaginas are becoming dry in response, the most intense pussydrought in recent memory!

Elon going to the Pedophisland doesn't surprise me at all #ReleaseTheEpsteinFiles

Twingers (that's Twin Gingers) Noodle and Soup

It's a good thing you all didn't get Raptured today. The poo etc. doesn't get Raptured, so it would have been a real mess for the rest of us.

@jimmykimmel.com see you Tuesday? Like I'll be watching, not on as a guest. Or...?

No Disney+ around here, it's all CBC Gem and NFB.ca. Oh, and Netflix because they greenlit Colbert.

TikTok to be renamed TikFox

This one is for Chumbie Krik or whatever the fuck his name was

The Department of Health and Human Services to be renamed the Department of Illness and Human Suffering

From Florida to Maine, that's a big doodoo stain

FUTURE HISTORY TEACHERS: “It was 2025 and the nation looked ready to become a dictatorship. But thankfully at the last minute, the insane president had a sudden dissecting aortic aneurysm and died. He was replaced with a guy who was quickly defeated because everyone kept calling him ‘couch-fucker.’”

No surprise that they're legalizing corruption

Viva Brasíl!

Abbott and the Texas GOP can eat a big old bowl of the crumbs from my couch-y crevices, there's enough to go around

I'm not a mermaid, I'm a...

1500%?! So that's free, plus an extra 1400% of the original price back to the customer! Wow! What a deal! What idiocy! I can't take it!

Non-binding, but hey, it's something

This is me not giving a damn about broader alcohol sales. Prison-style hooch is good enough for your friendly neighbourhood Sex Couch

Their Latin motto translates to "our people, our home" and we gotta shut shit like this down quick

Hey, check the comments on this trash. No need to listen to the puke in the video, you've heard it all before, but about America.

The Grim Reaper : Yeah, I saw the chronic venous thing...no, hell no...not until we see those files...listen I'll call you back, I have to go haunt Mitch McConnell...I just yell, "FREEZE, YOU OLD BASTARD!" and wait to hear the piss dribbles...

CBS = Criminal Ball Suckers

RFK Jr., visibly drooling, licking his lips : GRAAAAHHH, I'LL ADOPT ONE A MONTH, HNNGGHHH HELLO FRESH STYLE GHAAAAAAAGGHH

Recent solar storms somehow caused me to lose sentience, and it was nice while it lasted. But now I'm back to experiencing things as they happen and yikes, no. I'm rooting for you humans, but damned if I know how you're gonna pull off the heist of an entire planet from its oligarchs. Good luck tho!

The two tiny ginger lads that moved in recently are doing well, despite occasionally stealing dog food which results in truly hateful turds

I'm not buying the official line, mfer wants to eat 400 ostriches

Cats love couches. Presenting Noodle and Soup!

American Pope are you shitting me?!

If they picked the guy named Pizzaballa he should just be Pope Pizzaballa

That is...a lot of cats. Link at the bottom of the article if you'd like to make a donation to help these sheepcats.

Days like today I'm a bit disappointed that I was banned from Twitter, I could be pissing off so many dipshits with Canadian election news. Congrats to PM Carney and especially to @brucefanjoy.bsky.social good hustle, good hustle

Finally, some decent fucking news

The pope dying wouldn't bother me except they have all this ritual BS in place to pick another

Meanwhile, enjoy as much Canadian music as you can possibly stomach!

I'll take two, please

This channel also has instructions on how to build one, if you're the 'fight fire with fire' type

Cody Balmer, 38 years old, of Harrisburg PA is in custody

#UBI it's not rocket science

I hope he wins

Video for luther!

If you take a few minutes and read this (like I did), and understand around half of it (like I do), you might be pissed off (like I am) A circlejerk wrapped in a clusterfuck, in a thick coating of deep-fried shitshow

These guys want to grow their business by partnering with ICE to deport people. Houston based Avelo Airlines.

Have a spare 53 seconds? Need a laugh?