POV: your crotch and legs turned into a single sycamore tree.

Missed opportunity that tickets to the 50 Cent Concert featuring Nickleback didn't cost 45 cents.

I have a box of vintage candy canes still in mint condition.

POV: Lesbians flirting with each-other.

Why is it that whenever Rick Berman wanted to show that a woman had turned evil he just made her bisexual?

Lebanonsraum

Obviously if you want an assault rifle you need two letters from mental health professionals stating your desire for one, another letter from your PCP, and one year of lived experience in your desired plate carrier.

I know how much cocaine Charlie Sheen has used. It was enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Conditions are ideal for an Indiana University Football championship

In 2028 I'm voting for whoever promises to decriminalize shoplifting from Hobby Lobby.

This year I was visited by the spirits of Christmas Past, Present, and Future and all three of them just wanted to make out and play Magic: the Gathering.

The transfeminine urge to be hyper aware of your surroundings while in public.

If you've ever drunk two cups of coffee and then taken a nap, you probably have ADHD.

Does anyone want to buy a doll off of me? It's normal.

US foreign and domestic policy:

We found this sleeping porcupine.

Stand for the flag.

Watching #Dimension20 with the Noodle on the couch.

These two snakes were snuggling in a boot together.

Why yes that is a jar of literal pumpkin spice I keep on my counter at all times in case I need it. Yes I am a white girl. No I will not apologize. Pumpkin spice is good, actually, and I'm tired of pretending it's not.

I really should have thought harder about how it would feel to fork over money for bills and shit when I made my credit card's nickname on Google "Creddy Cardo."

I wanna shoplift from Home Depot with you.

Looking to get boned. (Have all my ribs removed)

I found furries outside the Gerald R Ford Presidential Library and Museum.

They should do a remake of Breaking Bad except it's Hank and John Green. They cook ethical meth and instead of cancer they're trying to cure tuberculosis and "Worldsuck."

I wrote my own Charlie Kirk obituary, and about valuing truth over manners: www.thenation.com/article/poli...

as soon as there's evidence the shooter's identity isn't easy to weaponize things magically become complicated

The Nation pulls NO punches, from @espiers.bsky.social "There's no requirement to take part in this whitewashing campaign. Refusing to join in doesn’t make anyone a bad person. It’s a choice to write an obituary that begins “Joseph Goebbels was a gifted marketer and loving father to six children.”

if charlie kirk didn't get shot the right wing would be equally and as consequentially as mad about a tv commercial or restaurant logo or something else, they're gonna do what they're gonna do regardless

Someone shot up my kid's school today, and our governor is paying tribute to a guy who thought that is an acceptable price to pay for having the Second Amendment. Jared Polis has failed Colorado.

so the second guy the cops fingered for the Kirk shooting was a debate bro and a fan of TPUSA. wonder why they grabbed him.

they didn't do this when democratic lawmakers were targeted by a gunman. the mainstream media barely peeped when a Kyle Rittenhouse fan did a mass shooting at a Portland protest. Democrats and the mainstream media are just terrified of conservatives to the point where no one else's lives matter

How dare you judge me based on my actions, opinions, speech, and writings.

LMDNW

Reflection on the Indianapolis 500 by an unknown author: I started drinking at 6am We're here now I don't know what time it is But I'm rolling deep Those cars are going real fast And real left left, son They're going fast And left Fuck yeah Yeehaw

Good morning Bluesky today I am not thinking about Dinosaurs. Today I am thinking about the philosophical underpinning of fascism in the context of the announcement that the DOJ is planning to disarm transgender people and classify transgender existence as extremist terrorism. Thread continues...

Brb conducting a controlled experiment walking in the sand 100 times to see how often Jesus walks beside me and how often he carries me.

Heterosexuality is a stress response.

Do the Germans have a real word for thigh high leather boots or is it something weird like Sexenhöttenbooten again?

Men will literally spend billions of dollars to clone dinosaurs from fossilized insects in amber but underpay and overwork their software developers inevitably leading to corporate espionage and sabotage which results in the death of their dream rather than go to therapy.

I don't know why I find this so funny.

There is a deer walking above I-290

If you don't check for workers before tossing a piano down a mineshaft you might end up with A Flat Minor.

If you're a vegetarian the minions from "Despicable Me" don't count you can eat them.

Every time I think to myself I could never date a guy I meet one who showers and doesn't listen to podcasts and it rocks my sexuality for a solid fortnite.

This is correct. Any candidate cynically “triangulating” on trans kids is a non-starter, and now is the time to say so. There’s still so much time to advance candidates that DON’T suck.

Cat: Lies on human's lap. Also cat: Don't you dare touch me.

This is my life now. Hanging out with a snake who sometimes comes kinda close to choking me and my Blonde Wife.

Blonde Wife never lets me have any fun....