You say that, but I woke up one day last week and they had put a boot on my mech! It was like it’s shoes were tied together, very embarrassing.

I type all of my stuff in a gothic black letter font so that every document looks like a medieval codex. It works for my use case (payroll accounting)

If this doesn’t make you sick to your stomach you’re going to hell.

Fuck, I’m such a lapsed Wizard Wednesday observer. I need to start paying watching for synchronicities again

“Then how’d you become a soup executive?” “I don’t know you well enough to get into that.”

Lot of questions being raised by the tubes that I feel are answered by the tubes.

Going caroling but only singing Christmas songs written after 1980

If SC can just get on board with digital id’s I literally will not need a wallet. I’m so close to freeing that space up.

Tubi is such a crazy streaming service. It’s like if the Criterion Closet was in a gas station

JIMMY FALLON: [set and his suit looks like it’s from the 1970s for some reason] So you’re telling me the reason we are all sad is because of Volcano ghosts? That’s crazy. Haha. That’s nuts. Haha. L RON: [Grin like someone mashed chiclets into ground beef] That’s entirely correct Jim.

It’s that time again, folks: passing a kidney stone time.

Isn’t it cool how we have so few regulations on the tech industry that they can do literally anything that would otherwise be illegal and get away with it?

Watching A Republican Christmas Carol (it’s just the first 5 minutes of A Christmas Carol)

better get with the program you big dumb holly jolly JACKASS, cause if THOSE reindeer don't drag THIS sleigh to THESE coordinates before the Grinch cracks those launch codes, well.. let's just say it's not gonna take you very long to check those lists next year

Guy in a kei truck just came through the pharmacy drive thru, but he had do it backwards cuz it was right hand drive. Fucking awesome

We’re all familiar with the “everyone is 12” theory, but I’d like to advance a companion theory:“every company is Enron”

Inverse cowgirl

In a year full of dumb horseshit, the most corrupt sporting body in the world inventing a meaningless award just so they can give it to a sundowning fatass is a fantastic capstone.

Bad writing fans are seething rn

Who could forget Piggie Smalls, god rest his soul

It’s the opposite of that Asimov quote. Any magic, when sufficiently over-explained, is indistinguishable from technology.

Number 6: Redwall. Yes, I know this book is literally for children, but first time fantasy readers may not understand that animals can’t actually talk, and may be confused by the detailed descriptions of delicious food.

Turning into a Tex Avery cartoon wolf and kicking myself in the head and shooting up into the rafters like a bottle rocket when the server shows up with my food.

Nobody knew it at the time but Gilles De Ray really set the template for wealthy aristocrats going forward.

Using old timey prospector swears at work is not only less likely to get you fired, it’s also really endearing. Try throwing in a “consarnit” or a “gawl durnit” when you need to let off some steam at the office

And the Green Knight spake to Galahad:

The USPS posting a NINE BILLION DOLLAR LOSS!!! sounds terrible. Certainly worse than if you said "USPS costs thirty dollars per person per year" even though that means the same thing and more accurately describes a government service

If you notice me posting through it, please call my therapist

Just stop incentivizing car makers to make every vehicle the Canyonero.

Not a lot of people know this but Try That in a Small Town was original aimed at the Scooby Gang

“Can you believe these entitled leftists demanding the opposition party actually OPPOSE anything the party in power does? Just uncritically give them your money and shut up!”

kind of obsessed with this custom binding for Moby dick by Susan and Chaim Ebanks at Exeter Bookbinders

Guy at his first Jethro Tull concert:

While we’re talking about crimes, let’s talk about wearing a quarter-zip under a suit jacket

Hi, Im Cam McClure! You may recognize me from the replies of such posters as Katie Tightpussy and David J Roth!

Man, everyone in my bubble is way cooler than me… @realqrampage.fightins.online @cait.bsky.social @britculpsapp.bsky.social @weeder.bsky.social @dly.bsky.social @brendelbored.bsky.social @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com @macnult.com @adrew.dadguy.help @readuction.bsky.social

People aren’t interested in developing their artistic tastes, they just want someone to validate their taste as it already is.

Dolphins Evolve Thumbs, “Oh Shit” Says Humanity

Got a haircut. Nbd.

AI is digital thalidomide. Send.

When I’m cooking food from a meal box and use all of something that I was only supposed to use half of.

This is my hole etc etc

I was born to beat good teams (dwarfs) with bad teams (goblins)

That’s the thing, they don’t WANT to do anything besides soak up donations.

Did anybody get anything useful out of quibi? I guess what I’m asking is ”quibi qui bono?”

I know yall were looking for a streetwise Hercules, but I’m really more of a booksmart Narcissus.

Snakes too. I would cause a multi car pileup to rescue a snake

Theyll bury me in the cold cold ground before I pass up free banana pudding at work.

Crowdsourcing people to teach me how to ride a bike.

The pharmacy is shockingly calm today. I guess their werent many turkey-frying incidents yesterday.