Question for anyone who uses Ploymarket, Kalshi, any of those platforms where you gamble on violent conflicts: Ewwww, what the fuck????!?!!??!?

Just blew my nose too hard and momentarily merged with another timeline. Aging is a blessing and the human body is a wonder of science.

The corporate monsters behind the current "put protein in fuckin' everything" trend will need to face retribution for the farts their work will inevitably unleash upon the world.

I just procrastinated on work by updating my insurance and getting a debt consolidation loan; two things I'd been using work to procrastinate on for several weeks. #adhd

Hey, can 2026 be the year we eliminate fascism AND calling people "good sir" unironically? I know the fascism is the bigger fish to fry here, but people have been calling me "good sir" with their whole chest often enough to be worth noting this year, and I cannot take you seriously if you do that.

Just finished GM'ing my first full campaign from start to finish that didn't fizzle out halfway through! Sick! #dnd #ttrpg

the dumbest part of all of this is how predictable it was that conservatives would defend ICE executing random people for expressing the 1st and 2nd amendments rights would be

"BuT tHeY'Re iLLeGaL" You couldn't pay me to give a fuck if they are. For real. Being undocumented is a civil offense. They're kidnapping and murdering people over the equivalent of fucking jaywalking. If you actually care about someone's immigration status, you are, at best, a giant fucking dork.

TTRPG friends, Matt, our friend and community member @nurdrocks.bsky.social has been taken by ICE while his back was turned, peacefully protesting. Matt is the founder of Justice Frontline Aid that provides aid & education in the MN community. I've linked the video footage below. Do not stay silent.

Go Bears. Fuck the Packers. Abolish ICE.

now that ice knows they can keep doing murder with impunity they're just gonna do even more murder and then the dems will throw up their hands and say "i told you we should have given them more money for training"

Super cool to wake up and find out that we're doing illegal invasion and that my more immediate priority currently has to be that I just ran out of toilet paper.

"THIS ISN'T WHO WE ARE," citizen of evil empire that has spent hundreds of continuous years of empiring evilly cries out

I love how often I get blocked on this website for saying "hey billionaires are bad, actually"

If your product can't survive without stealing, it should die.

Much like me in the eyes of my exes, my fantasy football team is about to underperform its way into 5th place in a single week, but with a solid enough regular season record to make you want to say "ya know what, you gave it your all and that's worth being proud of too."

THERE *slaps forehand* ARE *slaps backhand* NO *slaps forehand* GOOD *slaps backhand* BILLIONAIRES *double slaps for emphasis*

"Hey you know you can stop, right? Like yeah, if you don't want to, that's fine I guess. I just wanna make sure you know you can." - me, seeing people my age and younger having their third child

My body is the Strom Thurmand to the Spuds MacKenzie of my soul.

Heyyyyy my health insurance premium more than doubled for next year and I can no longer afford it! Way to hold the line there @schumer.senate.gov you spineless fuckwad coward. Rot in hell.

Trump: "‘Cause he’s my best friend, he’s my pal. He’s my home-boy, my rotten soldier. He’s my sweet cheese, my good-time boy."

Just a quick blanket disclaimer that if I catch any of y'all with an iPhone Pocket, I will roast you into the stratosphere.

The best part of waking up today is knowing that somewhere out there, Michael Rappaport is absolutely livid and throwing a tantrum like a crybaby dork.

I just sneezed and burped at the same time. It feels like my body just did a factory reset, but in a bad way.

Got raptured. It sucks up here. Everyone's boring and all they have to drink is room temperature Diet Rite. Send me back.

Sure, I guess when observed through the lens of christo-fascist capitalism, I see how it would be "radical" of me to think everyone should just get what they need for modern, dignified survival without caring if they "earned it". I'm still gonna think that. I can just see their sad lil' flowchart.

They just tear-gassed us. They tried to run us over in a van holding a peaceful protester. They shot us with pepper balls. They dragged another protester into the facility.

Whole lotta "you calling me an asshole for using a slur is infringing on my rights" dipshits being awfully quiet right now.

"Political violence has no place in our society" - The leaders of a society that has spent centuries regularly committing atrocities of political violence as easily as a baby shits their pants

I genuinely think a lot of podcasters should get Billy Madison'd and have to do all of school again to earn their equipment back.

I just housed a large iced coffee and will be out of my house for the next three hours with no guarantee of bathroom access. A dangerous game is afoot.

My favorite argument against universal healthcare is when they try to cite long wait times in other countries as a mark against it, as if we don't already have that too. "There's long waits either way, so in that case, might as well pick the system that charges a monthly thumb-twiddling fee."

We are all werewolves with God's chinese menu in our hand.

Happy Bobby Bonilla Day to all!

This is what I mean when I say I "got that dog in me" #dimension20

So, people who say socialism can't work because "greed is human nature" are just telling on themselves, right?

It's time for a big laundry day, for as the French say, I am *smokes long cigarette* "l'out of underwear"

"Won't the billionaires and corporations just leave NYC if a socialist is mayor?" Of course they won't. They like cocaine too much.

If AI was truly as great as tech bros think it is, it would've remade the entire Star Wars saga with Paul Lynde as Palpatine by now.

Embarking on my iconic Sunday morning constitutional to go scowl at the cops in my local bagel shop.

My roommate has been suggesting lately that I could improve my mental health by not letting my life and actions be so frequently driven by spite and vengeance and he'll pay for ever saying that about me.

any asshole off the street can complete some morning calisthenics. bob seger was right, it’s more important to work on your night moves

Happy Father's Day and 26th anniversary of Smooth by Rob Thomas feat. Santana to all

Hey there, patriot! Let's do a fill-in-the-blank: "At the Boston Tea Party; an event that I, a self-proclaimed patriot, celebrate as a shining example of "peaceful resistance", the tea that was dumped (and thereby ___ ) was the ___ of the East India Company, a private business entity."

Lotta people running their mouths about California right now from the comfort of their bumfuck-nowhere, freeloading-ass red states that mooch off California on the regular...

I know I'm getting older because the first thing I was prompted to do after making protest plans for this weekend was to go get some fresh orthopedic inserts beforehand.

The average American's idea of what law enforcement should be would make perfect sense if everyone who committed a crime was this:

Reminder: "Why can't you just protest peacefully?" = "Why can't you just protest in a way I can easily ignore?"

Reminder: if your top concern is the property damage, you've lost the plot.

"Jake, why are you so anti-capitalist?" Because there's no explanation as to why Breathe-Right strips come in packs of 26 instead of 30 that doesn't end with me thinking the people responsible for that decision are villians that need to be "fell by my blade"