Ozzy Osbourne visited my magic shop. He said he'd like to buy some stink bombs. How many? All of them. I had to go through drawers finding every last one. He bought 900 of them. To sign the credit card slip I handed him a shock pen, which he thought was hilarious and bought that too. RIP

“keep politics out of kids movies” disney in 1973:

"Did I do anything wrong today," he said, "or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?"

Will do my very best to make my incompetence sound like an achievement!