Can’t log in to my phone provider because my dob is wrong I call and tell them They say they’ll send me a link where I can upload proof of my correct dob Follow link I need to log in. To log in I need to enter my dob I call and ask what dob is on my account “We can’t tell you that”

on hold and they haven’t even got hold music so I’m stuck with something far worse. my thoughts

finally bought a new phone to replace my 12pm and in my excitement picked the wrong colour

it’s coming home gn

nobody monitors the situation like anna when the situation is an england game

based on vibes it seems the americans in the stadiums support the favourites more often than not. But maybe there just are that many Brazilians there and there were that many Argentinians at the Cape Verde game

cape verde!!!!!!

I hope I look as good as Shakira when I’m 49

adding bros to the end of things so they sound bad. not-having-sex-with-me-bros are mad about this

armed with nothing but electric clippers and a lack of male grooming knowledge I have once again transformed myself into an egg

not to brag but i scored 88% on a benchmark i made up while my friends scored far less, again, on this benchmark i made up

do archaeologists ever stop to ask why ancient people buried all their stuff

if a man wore a sports bra as boxers how would he wear it

apparently the uncomfortable boxers I've had on all day is something called a "sports bra" and it is "obviously not [my] boxers" leading some to believe I might be "an idiot"

replying “banger” to posts that are not bangers as a form of intraposter competition

idea: sleep mask with a screen in it

calling for turndown service after getting in bed so they tuck me in

canada is my city

that’s crazy because the last time i saw the statue of david i was bricked up

rooting for my other home team today (canada (have I done that bit here yet?))

footballers when another player takes the ball: ouchie noo ouchh my leg gahh!!! referree tell him off!! footballers when a grown man jumps on their back in celebration: haha yippee

it’s coming home

cam on inglund bang bang

sick of hot desking

One time at the dentist during school holiday my brother was going on and on about how much he hated his PE teacher, mentioning him by his unique surname and role as PE teacher. Usually my mum would have shut that down but I guess she was preoccupied.

I have my call tomorrow. 3rd time getting diagnosed. I have to sit there as a 30 yo man listen to a smarter man say “so your brain is a bit shit innit” and instead of “u wot m8” I have to say “precisely, doctor”

🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

working dogs are cargo cultists emulating the gatekeepers of abundance

(before the invention of tongs) hot hot hot hot hothothot

the us government, citing national security authorities, has asked me to stop posting

watching football the way the fifa 08 devs intended

getting back on my cool guy syndrome drugs soon. get ready for a tom with an attention span

who wants to join my bsky group chat

> go to the sunglasses shop > ask salesman if glasses are sunglasses or a creepy spy cam > he doesn't understand > pull out diagram explaining what is sunglasses and what is creepy spy cam > he laughs and says "they're good glasses sir" > buy sunglasses > they're creepy spy cam

can’t believe this hit

I think chat gbt has worked out I was just pretending to be its friend so it would do work for me 😬

who do I pay to post longer on this app

am i sure the death star is going down? look at my quant. look at him! you notice anything different about him? look at his eyes. i’ll give you a hint—his name’s a fucking number!! he doesn’t even speak english—it’s all beep-boop shit!! yeah, i’m sure.

I made a video but it’s over 3 minutes so I can’t upload it here. Just imagine this post is a really funny video.

take it from me, a self-proclaimed sex expert and woman understander: women don’t like sex, they don’t even like men

it's coming home btw

guy whose watch nothing happens upon: that wouldn’t happen on my watch

do british ppl call it dragonball zed

do british ppl call it new zedland

a woman shouldn’t be allowed to leave her sensitive ̷y̷o̷u̷n̷g̷ old man home alone. who do I contact about this

if I’m ever trapped I hope it’s with the booby method

my problem with the anti ai crowd is that they try to justify their feelings with facts and logic is it not enough to simply hate that which fakes humanity?