they're saying a wàiguó rén has never looked so good in a beijing bikini

I still think about this post

she told me improv classes are making me annoying and that i'm not even doing it right. i said yes, and?

taking a tolerance break from mint and tea tree shower gel because it ain’t tingling like it used to

I have jury duty coming up. Ideas for getting out of it: - I only talk in rhyme and I can’t think of anything that rhymes with guilty - asking the judge the star sign of the defendant and responding to any answer with “this changes everything”

rebranding skill issue as "skill opportunity"

I hope everyone is well!! Check out these photos from the last few days ☀️😎

Logging on to make things up

repeatedly interrupting the tour guide with "colossee deez nuts" and looking around the group for approval. apparently ruining the tour for all. not my fault the audience was cold

antiques and collectables

update:

michelle obama: “so many see me as just barack obama’s wife” guy who fucked 1 goat: “i have a solution but it’s not for the faint of heart”

follow willy

some of you guys are alright, don't deploy to us-east-1 tomorrow

unfortunately most of the bsky content I see is from the bsky subreddit. fortunately every post is just inadvertently making Jay and the gang appear more based

⟩be me ⟩feel like something is wrong ⟩search woods for hermit monk ⟩find him, ask him what’s wrong ⟩he takes one look at me >“that’s the wrong bracket. you don’t use that one for this” ⟩he goes back to praying ⟩leave the woods. wtf. what bracket. what did he see

(bluesky user bursts into Waffle House) OH SO YOU HATE PANCAKES??

(youth pastor voice) you know who else had a high save count

thought i’d poke my head in and see what I’ve been missing and you’re right bluesky, it’s Jerry I’ve been missing

ughhh i’m cooking for myself ahhh i have to participate in my own survival ughhhh aghhhh

I hope everyone is well! Life is good!

She’s back! @afishnamedroe.bsky.social

this is our current workstation at the mill. callie here is a refractory systems coordinator. and i’m what’s called a metallurgical process integrator

son: so let’s talk about the blue truck daughter: for sure son: it’s super important who, exactly, had it first daughter: totally son: like i saw it first, picked it up— daughter: gonna push back on that a little bit—cuz, actually? i had it this morning son: oh interesting

if I was the billionaire ceo of a publicly traded company with the president's ear my company's market cap wouldn't half in 3 months but I guess I'm just business minded

I think the account is gone forever, another account now has the handle miss u madds

Does this mean the account/messages are gone forever? Or is the account deactivated? Other messages don’t look like this

WHITE MAN SPEAKS PERFECT FLUENT APE

I hope you're all well

problem solving w @madds.bsky.social

Where has madds gone??

so i says, so i says, hey fact-checkers. hey. did you fact check bofa? and they’re all like, uhhh, real quick, what’s bofa again? what’s bofa mark?? and then i says, “bofa these nuts.” yeah just like that. “bofa these nuts”

I thought more ppl would care about what’s mid shutting down. I’m not complaining but I would’ve shut it down sooner if I knew lol

Hi all I'm shutting down What's Mid in ~1 hour (giving you time to try and get 1 last post in) I don't use bsky much anymore and can't keep on top of it Tom

I love when the pizza delivery man shows me the empty satchel after I watched him empty it like a shit lil magic trick. I saw what you did but I enjoy the theatre of it. Run along now Chris angel

we’re saving the bananas for banana bread. leave t̷h̸e̵m̶ in the fridge. the b̸a̸n̶a̴n̶a̵s̶ aren’t bad. they can’t be u̸s̸e̶d̸ until they’re v̷̗͠a̵̹̅n̴̳͊t̸̫̊a̸̲̚b̵̐͜l̴̛̲ǎ̶̼c̷̦͐k̵̠̇. we use the m̸̾ͅu̴͙͋s̸͇̎h̵̩͝r̵͓͑o̶͔͊ò̴̙m̷̦̆s̴͔͒ that ŕ̷̪ị̸̓s̶͖͒ȩ̴̉ from the b̸l̶a̶c̷k̴ b̶a̷n̷a̶n̸a

they didnt have to go so hard w this

if monster ever does me wrong idk what I’ll do

moving like the g in lasagna

This post inspired me to have a full American (2 McMuffins)

a Full English could fix me

The shop app has been telling me since the package dispatched that it would be “Arriving today by 9pm” and by that it means arriving at ANOTHER sorting centre

casting for the role of a nepo owl me: ok get on with it actor: what? you know my dad is the casting director? me: it’s not what, you know? it’s hoo, y’know. Anyway we’ve already got somebody in mind so you’ll have to wow us actor: wha- wh-hoo me: love it!

look at my genius dawg I’m never going to space😭😭