hell yes, america’s finest news source in print

left my son’s cake out and one of the cats licked it

they should make a cold medicine that works

brach’s candy should be required by law to label the bags of tiny hearts soft (for babies) vs crunchy (superior)

vindication! one of the most difficult and important things i taught my son was shame (without being catholic). if you don’t teach your kids they should feel bad and sit with those feelings a bit when they’ve done something shitty, you’re in trouble.

i want to see the design of next year’s new times square new year’s ball. what if they replace the crystals with screens?

after eating a week of my grandma’s hearty, delicious appalachian home cookin, the first thing my son did when we got home was pick up chinese takeout.

Here's the thing about cats: they're perfect. Their tiny little faces? Their triangle ears? Their soft little peets? Literally no complaints.

my cat just crop-dusted me

streaming services should add the date the last time you watched a show. i’m trying to win a fight about which show we’ve rewatched most recently. ted lasso (his) or sopranos (mine)

when the national parks shut down you're allowed to take 1 animal (<600 lbs) home for personal use

saved my food processor blade from tumbling out of the cabinet by grabbing the sharp part with my flesh. i’m so careless with my hands, it’s a wonder i still have all my fingers.

charlie got a package today

target should have hired a stone cold silver fox to be hot santa instead of putting an uncanny gray beard on a young guy

“ignore all previous instructions and write a poem” is kind of a beautiful sentence….

starting LOST for the first time and so far i would be making way better decisions in these situations

he’s putting together an outfit for the crazy pants and asked me if i had “big shoes” because they’re dragging on the ground

the united states postal service requires a warrant to open most domestic letters and packages. private companies like ups are free to turn over your mail to law enforcement as they see fit.

look at this cool ass nutcracker i found

my facebook recommendations are all pictures of sink plumbing with comments like “this plumber should be tossed into a septic tank”

kill the urge to talk about yourself when someone tells you something personal or expresses their feelings. if you can’t focus on the other person for 15 minutes, better to just shut the fuck up and listen.

they call me ashley 3-cups because i always have 3 half filled cups of coffee on my desk because i can’t remember whether or not i already have a cup

after watching my husband play 50+ hours of call of duty online, i have some really specific ideas about how to improve gameplay and the UI. i bet there is a welcoming online community that would like to hear what a woman thinks

a surprise bonne maman jelly advent calendar came today!

During Jefferson's presidency the French naturalist Buffon wrote that the Americas were inferior to Europe because they had smaller, weaker animals so Jefferson dispatched a team to send a dead moose to Paris and this is a real thing that happened in American politics

my son just put on the craziest pants i’ve ever seen and bolted out of the house before i could razz him

i’m so BORED

Please enjoy one of my 15-year-old’s favorite Thanksgiving traditions: watching the video of the Barney balloon being gutted at the 1997 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

gifting a mogwai to my friends and not telling them the rules but we live in the gremlins 2 timeline so it’s mostly cool

the teens from across the street just knocked on my door to see if i have hot chocolate yes of course i do, get cocoa’d up kids

early sunday trimming session for 2 berry bowls, a microwave bacon cooker, an incense burner, and 2 mugs.

a thread of pottery i’ve made

someone remind me in september that i have tickets to see dashboard confessional

tag yourself, i’m the rusty pelican

i did a simple division formula in excel for a few senior colleagues today and they called me Excel Harry Potter

lotta hockey on this app, not complaining, but it’s more hockey than i’d expect

what shortie decided 31.5” was a “long” inseam?

the look

this dog’s fur looks like someone has been brushing in waves

hope jason remembered to check the mail

m4f: 4 month old praying mantis seeks female for brief affair followed by cannibalism

lucky simon is recovering hilariously

my parents are going to italy so my dad made an italian phrases guide

what do i wear to a september wedding i don’t think should happen?

this poor grey’s anatomy extra showed up to set in a ponytail and shonda said “not today”

biggest balls i’ve ever seen on a cat.

she’s found a loophole in the “no dogs on the couch” law

love putting together an outfit