string that cross-eyed motherfucker up by his feet & hang him in public a batting cage.

i am dating tilly norwood. please respect our privacy.

on the whole this is one of the more infuriating, enraging, & disgusting stories in a long recent string of infuriating, enraging, & disgusting stories about ICE but, i’m sorry, i just can’t help bumping on this part as the thing i have the most questions about…

dear @repdean.bsky.social: thank you, please keep it up, & i would (respectfully) like you to be my friend, ma’am.

you & me both, samurai daddy

if the government is so shut down, why do i have to still have to see these assholes at “work” all day.

there’s certainly no defense of their old name/mascot, but it’s wild how much of a completely flavorless non-entity of an organization the cleveland baseball team is without it. just an absolutely generic npc, placeholder club. nothing to grab on to there even if you wanted to.

the government shut down because they have too much money from all the tariff revenue now. “we’ve never seen money this big before, we got scared.” said one government insider.

wanna feel old, life comes at you fast, etc…

pete hegseth summoning the 800 highest ranking military officers from around the world together for a meeting to try to get his nickname “t-bone” going.

imagine having to fly 24 hours each way just to listen to this absolute fucking dork trying out his latest ted talk for shitheads.

yes - everything is stupid, ugly, disgusting, & shallow now, but whether anyone likes it or not, it *is* that way right now. … establishment dems are simply not equipped to understand the game they’re playing anymore. it’s like watching a 1950s high school team trying to run in an AND1 tournament.

MOTHER. FUCK. OFF.

Probably because ICE agents allow rape. …

Always wonderful to bump into my old friend Daniel Radcliffe!

*taps sign* *double-taps sign* *slaps sign* *aggressively punches sign*

micah micah motercycah

no. nfw.

you crazy for this one, football.

john cena/tim meadows lethal weapon reboot when

ok. i mean… he technically can’t *do* that.… it’s not actually something, strictly speaking, that he can “authorize” but ahh, hey… you know, whatever, i guess. seems worth flagging to me but i’m sure you guys over there know more about journalism & stuff or… i mean, ok. great. thanks. very helpful.

truly cannot wait to read the debrief on this dipshit calling all 800+ active duty generals from around the world to DC for a meeting about how they’re all required to wear the robert duvall hat & sunglasses from “apocalypse now” & also be constantly chomping big, cool-looking stogies on duty now.

If anyone’s looking for a deep hit of cathartic reinforcement in these infuriating times, I cannot recommend The Greg Larsen Show podcast enough. Just discovered it & I’ve been mainlining Geggy’s heady mix of furious tirades, righteous resignation, & improv comedy straight to the dome all week.

i think it’s cool & awesome how many more pundits and media outlets are analyzing kimmel’s monologue tonight than trump’s batshit insane diarrhea-of-the-mouth performance at the united nations general assembly today. we’re doing great, i think we’re really about to turn this whole thing around.

*cross between PT Barnum & Ronald Reagan voice*: “There’s a sucker born every minute… but enough about my wife!”

*takes down an entire marlboro red, tits-to-tail, in one excruciatingly long drag & lets the whole thing out even slower* … “we’re going to war with the world over this, aren’t we.”

how is this even more embarrassing for America than the UN speech?

with all due respect to @bencollins.bsky.social & @theonion.com, this might be the funniest article preview i’ve ever seen.

For any centrist dems, media pundits, or others still struggling to find common ground in the wake of tragedy - I cannot recommend enough taking 30 min. to listen to this eloquent, poignant, & objectively even-handed dissection of Charlie Kirk’s heinous murder & legacy. #news #usa #bipartisanship

finally figured out where i’ve seen him before.

SNL cold open should just be a screen playing Trump’s actual UN speech with Kenan sitting next to it making reaction faces.

(soprano) “What. Do you get. When you turn on TV?” (baritone) “A whole. Bunch of lo-sers making fun of me.” (soprano) “Why. Don’t you try. Simply bending the knee?” (baritone) “Or. Should I send in the. F. C. C.?” (all) “You'll get no... you'll get no... mer-er-ger approo-oo-vals…”

a lot of people aren’t even aware that “G.W.A.R.” stands for “Guys With Antifa Relationships”.

I don’t understand why the US right hasn’t just issued an updated “King Don”’s version of the bible yet, full of AI-gen. parables about Jesus flipping over tables in a left-wing newsroom & shit… It’s already been altered & edited for political expediency a million times through history, who cares!!

accidentally knocked a carving knife off the counter and sliced open my fingertip trying to catch it in the air before it hit the ground can i get a hell yeah in the chat

hm, sounds like a big job, maybe you should think about establishing a department of some kind that’s in charge of managing & overseeing how federal money being given to states for education is being used…

so did they flush that turd yet or what

Weird Al. Hands down. So unbelievably generous with his time & attention in a situation where he didn’t need to be at all.

a lot of people are (very unfairly!) making fun of this pic even though everyone who’s anyone in the influencer game knows that when the muse hits you for a hot tiktok video idea, you strike while the iron is hot no matter what!!!

kinga głtk, you have to stop. you slap too tough. your swag too different. your bass is too bad. they'll kill you.

i truly, truly, truly don’t wanna jinx anything but it’s honestly INSANE that we’ve made it almost 600 years or so without publishing houses making “in-book” ad inserts a thing.

her name couldn’t really be WILL OBEY

while i *totally* agree in principle with all the calls right now to cancel Disney+ subs, i just think we should also admit this movement may be a little bit ableist against parents of elementary school kids already trying to keep them off YouTube & also keep finding options for family movie nights…

millennials suck.