might fuck around and move to cleveland today.

Mt. Crushmore

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

i love too have ~20 or so feral 3rd graders & another dozen or so 4th/5th graders over for a friday night birthday party. just as efficient as termites for destroying your house but much louder instead. 👍👍👍

how am i just now learning about the virginia theme park designed to let people walk through an animatronic(?) re-creation of how the confederate army used dinosaurs to defeat the union?

drake maye about to hop up off the fence, pull off the shirt, & go full-on pikey mickey mode. 😤😤

‼️

Maybe he should’ve watched the Bad Bunny one instead.

i didn’t think that bunny was bad at all.

imagining all the ICE guys at home concussing themselves trying to run headlong into their tvs right now.

what is this witchcraft he’s chanting?? … my children are sobbing on the ground, my wife is levitating on the ceiling, WHAT IS HAPPENING??!

don’t believe the haters. pats d has them still very much in this game. 😤

“did it even touch the ground” WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK IT BOUNCES UP OFF COLLINSWORTH? YOU FUCK!!

*nodding respectfully at the dunkin’ commercial*

lmaaooo… no they did not seriously make that commercial

cliff booth mix in a salad every once in a while challenge, am i right… 😬 🤮

sam doorknob

have they said anything about america’s 250th anniversary yet? someone keeps dropping a cinder block on my head every 45 seconds and erasing my memory again.

TMNZ S6E1 LFGGGGGGG 😤 🙌

(all american athletes after reading this): “Check this shit out motherfucker.” [slide one foot out from under them and fall on their ass, its not clear what kind of move they were trying to do]. (RIP)

Let these fuckin idiots try one bite of a burrito and watch their whole goddamn worldview on immigration completely flip right before their heads explode.

lotta bad shit going on in the world but for reasons i can’t quite put my finger on it may be the sight of justin long & john hodgman reprising their dynamic for an ozempic commercial that makes me most predictably sad every time i see it lately.

The Hayes Man Rises

IOC should offer to award the US an extra gold medal if JD Vance can do one (1) pull up on camera.

can’t wait for “it” (summer) to finally happen.

a good rule of thumb is to live your life in a way that you don’t end up getting uniquely singled out for the bart harley jarvis treatment from every nation on the planet at a global summit professing goals of fostering international “peace, development, resilience, tolerance and understanding”.

*in the middle of sending 750 completely unhinged rapid-fire posts from my personal account after midnight*: “you there, staff boy, do one for me. just one!”

“It remains unclear whether the president was personally aware of the video that was posted from his personal account on his own personal social media platform that he created exclusively to be able to post exactly whatever he wants to with no other intermediaries involved.”

*not RTing for any type of cheap, easy-bucket “slay king” garbage-time pop to the credit of CBS’s sinking late night ship, but just for the ART of it … 😮‍💨*

here’s an insufferable rhyming near-pun i just thought of for any parents of one (1) boy & one (1) girl of opposite dispositions (boy is a hellraiser, girl is a calming presence) to use at will: “our son and daughter are arson and water” thanks either way, that shit’s outta my head & into urs now.

yeah, but how much would eric trump have?

good morning.

like … 8, maybe 9(?) of these are rules they were already supposed to be following?

a look back at the CP3 era in Toronto (full highlights):

finally checking out the new fallout season and you know what that means folks - that’s right, constantly being reminded how goddamn hard the HH boys hit the damn nuptials balls out of the park.

love to watch a substitute bus driver blow past our house at full speed without even hesitating while my kid stands out there looking like a dumbass billy madison in the freezing cold. lmao… owned.

thinkin about dogs… fucking wow. those things rule

“put ‘im down, mate, ‘e’s only little” - alfie solomons (best throwaway line in tv history?)

@blankcheck.bsky.social @davidlsims.bsky.social @mariebardi.bsky.social you all ok???

aside from usa for africa (“we are the world”) - have bruce springsteen & willie nelson ever formally collaborated? … i don’t think so but seems crazy they haven’t!

dear random movie i’d never heard of before served up to me as a recommendation on tubi, i judge you to be … pretty fuckin’ rad!

honestly kinda weird that they keep half-ass fighting off these drops instead of just coming out w/an EO that says pedophilia is actually good & legal & always has been. no one’s gonna stop them! they’ve already done it for extrajudicial kidnappings/deportations/killings! what do they got to lose??!

course. going,, be. recording the crimes on cam this timw ;) - ha! always love you crime partys (sex crim) ! count me (prof. john kidrubber, 6 villain ct nyc] in!! can bring fam? - have ing another crimes party, next , weekend. rsvp yuo?

somebody with better graphic design skills than me (maybe at @defector.com) should make a real fucking bootleg-ass looking philly sports t-shirt to sell as a fundraiser for Dan’s family (& to keep his memory alive in the wild for years to come). i’d pre-order that shit right now.

Before the Flyers game, NBCSP aired this tribute to @dhm.bsky.social