Normalize guys calling each other Hoes

Pretty sure Netflix’s new Simon Cowell show counts as body horror.

A real adult does not “use the bathroom.” They “win at toilet”.

Some people just aren’t cut out to live in Montreal

McDavid hearing everyone say MacKinnon’s got the Art Ross locked up

“A second side-arm reliever just signed with the Blue Jays…”

My sales pitch to lure MLB free agents to the Blue Jays: What if the Dodgers didn’t play in a violent, fascist theocracy?

At this point I would rather have Charlie Rocket’s post-SNL career than Fallon’s.

Just won the Dad Olympics by turning David Lee Roth’s Just Like Livin’ In Paradise into Just Six Seven In Paradise. Unrelated, does anyone know the cure for 46 tiny stab wounds?

Welcome to one of the two garbage months of the year without Major League Baseball

Wayne Gretzky’s World Cup Draw appearance counts as branded content for Tito’s vodka

The World Cup Peace Prize was originally called The Montgomery Burns Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field of Excellence

I feel like there was a meeting I missed where everyone just decided to start backing into parking spaces from now on? What is the reasoning? Does everyone need to make quick getaways?

The only duo I choose in NBA Jam

International MEN’S day? Plural?! My brother in Xenu, there is only one International Man and it’s Austin Powers. This is well known!

[Werner Herzog voice] Mr. Potato Head is a monstrosity. More than a vegetable, yet less than human. With two feet, but no legs. His body parts interchangeable pieces. A grotesque plastic nightmare unworthy of love.

I don’t know how to say this but, Monty’s cooked. Bring Dobes and leave him there. #Habs

Me every single time I see Shohei Ohtani with Decoy:

Brought my kid to Vladdy’s baseball camp and it is precisely the underwhelming cash grab I worried it would be

Somewhere in Canada, there’s a self-styled “cool” middle school history teacher proudly informing their students that Confederation took place in 18 SIX-SEVEN!

If There’s Grass On The Field, Play Ball By Megyn Kelly Foreword by Pete Rose

lol SNL trying to whitewash Pete Davidson’s Riyadh sellout

The Habs are truly the winter Jays

If I were an MLB free agent, I’d choose the one ascendant team that doesn’t play in a collapsing fascist theocracy. But that’s me!

Canada loves George Springer more than LA could ever hate him

Next time listen to the Mayor, goddamnit

The Jays are about to buy the World Series on layaway: $500M over 14 years. Money well spent.

WAKE UP PERVERTS THE BLUE JAYS ARE WINNING THE WORLD SERIES TODAY!!!

Toronto is about to set records for self-serve Halloween candy and unsupervised trick or treaters, during tonight’s World Series

Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor the child rapist? THAT Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor?

So does jizz!

Turns out the Times bought periodontist John Voight’s car.

Do Toronto’s children understand that Halloween lasts precisely until first pitch?

Hang it in the National Gallery and make it the highlight of every field trip for the rest of time

Literally a subplot of this week’s The Morning Show lolll

Did any ICE agents die today? Need some good news.

The most 2025 possible outcome of this game would be Myles Straw homering off RokI Sasaki

We should probably stop pitching to the greatest player of all time

at its core, the deeply irrational Conservative hatred of JT is rooted in his ability to get laid

The dweeb in the I Bet On Us, You? t-shirt needs to sit the fuck down at a minimum, and in an ideal world, drink an entire bottle of bleach

So we all just gonna gloss over the fact that Colonel Sanders is a.) at the Dome tonight, and b.) Blue Jays fan?

Every time he threatens a trade war, we score 10 more runs

Sorry, you tried to beat the 2025 Toronto Blue Jays? At BASEBALL?!

Hey tell me more about Goliath…

Mustaches have become the clearest signifier that a man was born after 2000

This could be the historic World Series where a broadcaster finally describes the raucous crowd using a word other than “electric”!

At what point are we gonna update history books to accurately reflect how Russia won the Cold War?

Can’t wait for the SkyDome to give Blake Trienen and Clayton Kershaw the full Anthony Bass treatment!