People who get paid for doing nothing: 💥Bad college football coaches 🏈 💥Congressmen ⚖️ #shutdown #GreatJobs #Trillionaire$

EXCITING NEWS: The government shutdown will not prevent me from having my first author event! 📕 #books #HilariousBooks #TaxDollars wordsworthbookstore.com/event/2025-1...

Getting vaccinated 💉 is like reading my books📕 — Even if it’s not mandatory, most scientists still believe it’s a good idea. #Books #Science

My great-great-great-grandfather, James Kearney Taaffe was born on this day in 1830. He hated tariffs, but he would’ve freaking loved my books. #GroovyBooks

ATTENTION: I disagreed with my marketing team’s “statistics” about my recent book sales. 📕 So, they have all been fired. #truth #RealNumbers #books

Time to get ready for football season. 🏈 PurpleHullPress.com #booksky

HELP— I’m looking to ingest more microplastics and would appreciate any advice. #GoodHealth #Lifestyle #Science

Time to get ready for football season. 🏈 PurpleHullPress.com

With the release of my third book,📕I’d like to thank my literary team: 💥 Author— me 💥 Editor— me 💥 Agent— me 💥 Exec. Asst— me 💥 Marketing— N/A 💥 Research— me 💥 Legal— me 🙏 Thanks to all of you heroes.

Thule’s newest book is now available at PurpleHullPress.com

My social media posts are like my novels. 📕📕 Incredibly clever, yet lightly read. #Authors #BannedBooks PurpleHullPress.com

Let me get this straight, the US govt is rewarding Syria and punishing Harvard? #Yikes #Whoa

I’m wondering if the guy who won the Pope election promised to lower egg prices, impose tariffs and get rid of immigrants.

If you take a couple of hours to read my books, you’ll be just as dismayed as I am that they did not win Pulitzer Prizes.

I’m betting on the Kentucky Derby today; but if I don’t win, it’s because of Biden. #thanksBiden

My book sales are going OK, but they’d be going great if it weren’t for Biden. #thanksBiden

ATTENTION: Anyone who buys a $500,000 membership in my new club can have one of my books for free.

WARNING: My books contain rapid sequences of satire and sarcasm and may be distracting to sensitive readers.

I’m depressed by all the greed in government 💰, so I’m going to focus more on something that’s not influenced by money — college football! 🏈

I don’t think autism is preventable, but ignorance is.

Lawyers who advance patently unconstitutional positions in courts of law should be sanctioned or dis-barred. #lawyers

I’m considering withholding billions of dollars from Harvard unless they start saying good things about my books. #books #billions

I got side-tracked watching the market crash and never found out if Trump won his golf match. ⛳️ Can someone let me know?

For me, the hardest part about writing hilarious political satires is the dedication page; but for my upcoming 📕 it’s easy— I’m dedicating it to the people of the Heard & McDonald Islands. 🐧 Those folks deserve some good news. #books #tarrific @heardislandgov.bsky.social PurpleHullPress.com

📕 SALES NEWS: The # of 📕 📕 I’ve sold is now officially HIGHER than the # of moons around Saturn; but is still LOWER than the # of Americans with measles. #funnybooks #books #Vax&Read PurpleHullPress.com

If I wanted to slap a tariff on @heardislandgov.bsky.social I would at least announce it in a national security chat group so it would stay secret.

YIKES! 😬 The president’s tariff on Heard and McDonald Islands is gonna hurt my sales. I fear that none of the readers in the HAM islands will get the chance to read my awesome books 📕 #books #HAMislands #stephenking

💡HUGE NEWS-- Since I have no marketing strategy, I’m now asking national security officials to include excerpts from my books when they send top-secret, classified messages. That will expose my books to MILLIONS of people all over the world!📕 PurpleHullPress.com #books #marketing

Readers: It’s OFFICIAL— no animals were injured in the making of my books. Not only are the books at PurpleHullPress.com hilarious, they are also vegan-friendly! #WritingCommunity #readers #booksky

One of my readers said my book made her laugh so hard she spit up some omelette. 🍳 I told her she has nothing to complain about if she’s wealthy enough to buy eggs. #eggcellent #booksky

IMPORTANT SALES NEWS— if sales remain strong for my hilarious novels, I am considering donating some of the proceeds to NATO. #booksky #laughandsupportNATO

SWEET NEWS— the Dept of Health and Human Services thinks the paper used in my books can be combined with cod liver oil for medicinal purposes. So, after you read my books, you can use the pages to treat measles! #writers #writingcommunity #booksky

When a tornado damages the local Rebel statue, it creates hilarious turmoil in a town down south. My second book is now available at PurpleHullPress.com

Attention Authors: I’ve created the Department Of Publishing Efficiency (DOPE) to help with my book sales. 💵 I think DOPE is going to be great for me. #Writers #WritingCommunity #DOPE

This marks the 7th straight year that my Resolution to lose weight has been sabotaged by the Girl Scouts and their damn cookies. 🛑 🍪 🛑 🍪 #CancelCookies

IMPORTANT NEWS: I have rejected DOGE’s demand that I resign from my position as a part-time author of hilarious novels. #booksky

Bad News: USAID will no longer be sending my books to people in other countries. Good News: Since the CFPB has been dismantled, I can start scamming consumers!

I believe in honesty and the U.S. Constitution. (I’m only saying this because if I ever decide to run for office, someone will find this message and realize that I’m unqualified to serve).

NOTICE— I am considering imposing a tariff on any consumers who do not purchase a copy of the book, “Milk and Catfish.”

Attention Agents— if you wish to contact me, your queries must be compliant with the rules governing legal briefs submitted to the US 8th Circuit Court of Appeals. Otherwise, they will be summarily rejected. #ThankYou #WritingCommunity

Instead of getting authors or celebs to review my first novel, I’ve decided to get comments from the people who matter the most— the characters. “If you could actually measure the height of a tall tale, this ‘un would reach higher than a skyscraper.” —John D. Dalrymple

Happy Thanksgiving. I highly recommend “Milk and Catfish” by Thule Taaffe available at Amazon. It’s about rural towns, rumors, and conspiracy theories; fast and funny read.

Milk and Catfish. The funniest political satire of 2024