Ok. This is correct. Mmhmm. Yes.

Teaching: a profession in which you eat ice cream from the FACS class at 9:30 am and get interrupted by a kid telling you they got a full ride to Princeton and also still have 22 essays to grade by 2:30 because yesterday was a snow day.

Hear me out: Black Friday deal on the property taxes I paid yesterday. BOGO car taxes or something.

Today the ATM took 400 of my dollars, said it was returning the cash because it couldn't accept more cash, didn't do that, then I got a receipt wherein the robot basically said "Oopsies. Money gone. 🤷🏼‍♀️" How's your Saturday?

There is not a single interaction with a former student that I don't live for--grocery store run-ins, grad parties, waiting for the same flight, as my bank teller, whatever--with ONE MAJOR exception: if I ever graded your essays, it should be illegal for you to swipe right on my dating profile.

There is not a single reason on the planet not to like gnocchi and yet every time I don't.

Teacher hack to love your job: teach kids, wait like 8 years, get invitation to their wedding, attend said wedding, have the absolute best time with the 20-something versions of them and their friends who are the kids you knew as juniors. Repeat every few years to sustain you until retirement.

Trying to explain the Dunkin spidey socials takeover to my high school aged son is a wild time. E: But, like, why does he spell stuff like that? Me: He's a spider! He's chaos! E: Mom. It's not a real spider. Me: You're right. He's a donut! They can't spell either! E: 😒

I've worked at this school 14 yrs. We're now getting horrible hateful phone calls because this is hitting the FB circuit. EXCEPT ZACH GRADUATED IN 2021 & THIS WAS NEWS 4 YEARS AGO SHUT UUUUPPPPP. & he has 2.3 mil followers on TT & makes so much money being himself in this way. & it's a student vote!

My dad, now a retired general who would've been in Pete's meeting were it a few years earlier, who scrambled 3 am honor guards at Dover in the 90s, who fled his Pentagon office on 9/11 got called a liberal last week. His liberal crime? Opposition to Kirk's casket being flown on AF2. We're cooked.

SEC vs. the world. It just means more.

"Hey Jules. It's Brian" makes my heart stop every. single. time. Two people I don't know and his first four words of that voicemail rip my guts out annually.

Listen, I'm on board with the idea of schools who don't charge students to attend in exchange for a reasonable amount of work on campus. But College of the Ozarks, you're wild for this one.

My desire to not sit on a jury for a multi-day case about DV and have to make sub plans for that is in direct conflict with my need to chosen for a jury because that means they think I'm the best citizen.

"I have a notes app list on my phone of all the reasons capitalism is bad." -my totally normal 15 year old talking about totally normal 15 year old stuff

When people get pissed about Missouri Dems not staging a Texas-style walkout when our state map gets more gerrymandered, know that we are so screwed already that even if every Dem left, the Rep supermajority would still have quorum & it wouldn't even slow the process. & that's on identity politics.

FUCK AI. Stop using it. It’s making you dumb, making the billionaires richer, and destroying the creative soul of humanity AND the planet.

A hell hole. Look at how busy and scary that metro station is. And we had to walk one whole well maintained, safe, clean block from that GW arch to find an iced coffee!

Two things I love the most: gymnastics and The Great Gatsby. And somehow GAGE and their leo tonight has managed to combine them in a way so horrible I want to give up both.

Me checking out my class rosters every August

Look, my baseball team may suck right now but, for the love of all that is hood in the world, leave them out of the double dongs headline.

My emotional support animal is a rotisserie chicken.

Declaring this my Instagram Summer: only documenting the amazing trips & never speaking of the human surgery, dog surgery, wasp nests everywhere, ER visits and the leaky tub. Kthanks.

Look, I know the summer newscasters in my college town are undergrads and I get that they're learning, but if you mispronounce Uvalde, Belarus AND Bogota all in the same broadcast, maybe you're not ready for live tv yet.

Not to be dramatic, but my weighted vest will fix me.

This tiny baby who has done things her way since day one is TWENTY WHOLE YEARS old today. I am the parent of a 20-something and I still have no idea what I'm doing except paying for her Shirley Temples.

A mosquito bit me between the eyes this evening and of all the parts of the planet we've destroyed, WHY have we not caused the extinction of these bastards?!

The best thing I ever did for my nervous system was an Alaskan vacation with no Wi-Fi last week

Fun fact: this is how I learned that the guy my daughter's boyfriend's entire extended family has their own show on Bravo??? There's something in the water around here

It's insanely bizarre that I can turn off Netflix's DCC show (starring 2 former students) to catch a clip of Sophie Cunningham on ESPN (same), and head over to Bravo to catch another one on Summer House. And that's on my summer break media consumption and teaching in Missouri.

I’m glad you’re alive. 💜🏳️‍⚧️

Despite all my rage I still have a fuckton of rage

Our new printer/copiers are called PaperCutMF. I work in a high school. This only ends one way.

If you ever see a green jumpsuit, just know that I own it, want to own it or have previously owned it. It calls to me and I must give it a home.

My dad was a general in the USAF when I graduated HS. My whole childhood was spent at military events and on military bases. I've seen better turn out at military celebrations rural OK and tattoos (the parades, not the art) on parade grounds in IL. 🤷🏼‍♀️

We’re honored to report that over 11 million showed up for today’s No Kings protest, and totals are still coming in. Just… wow. WOW 😮! There’s nothing more to say.

Meatball subs are the most underrated sandwich. This post brought to you by my self-imposed "we have food at home" summer freezer challenge.

Spent a week doing this. Regret nothing except that I-70 through Kansas exists.

BRB, just crying over a botched dishwasher install appointment while staring at my new dishwasher sitting in the middle of my garage. I am not a real adult.

Impacts on Educational Outcomes of Military-Attached Secondary Students

True start to summer break: Everyone in my house is mad at each other over a game of Scrabble.

The 4x4 relay is my absolute favorite event for 3 reasons: 1. My kid doesn't run it so it's chill 2. It's the last event so competitor left is only focused on watching the race because they're done 3. I've been here for 100 hours and the meet is finally over

There is absolutely nothing cooler or more awe-inspiring or heart-wrenching than parenting a kid about to graduate college. In so many ways, this is "our" last milestone. Yes, they've all been hers. But the rest are hers without me.

Life tip: respond to the stupid internet stranger the way you want to, but instead of hitting post, screenshot and send it to your GC instead where they all agree you are right and smart and pretty and, yes, people who don't know that "Mizzou" is a university not a state nickname are indeed morons.

So, so tired of being sneered at by smug blue staters for things a minority of the citizens in my voting-suppressed state in my state voted for and which I am working to change.

Last year's dorm move out: I flew to her with a roll of trash bags, she was non-weight-bearing on crutches, torrential rain so bad we had to park on the hwy. Today's move out: final exam, traffic, dust storm, traffic, tornado, parked on the hwy because traffic👍🏼

After the last few years I hesitate to ever say anything nice about gymnastics coaches publicly, but John was such a good dude to my club gymnast and her teammates in CoMo when he was at Mizzou. I want all the good things for him.

I'm taking a play from the MO Senate and moving to previous question. I call for the PQ and now the school year is over and we can all just go home early. That's how this works, no?