i need to stop eatingnwhy did i let myself go so bad i hate bingingni hate it why do i do it so much i hate it

haaaaate myseeeeeeelf

i need to just fuckinh lock in im so fucking stupid

ehat the fuck is wrong with me why cant i just starve i cant even starve right fucking failure

micro bangs r cool

lunch of kings (im still in denial of my caffeine addiction)

I FORFOT TO PUT MY FITBIT ON THIS MORMING NOOO

i wanted to study the half hour i have before having to leave for school but noooo my bowels say otherwise

pspsps if were moots pls feel free to dm me im always looking to get to know ppl on here im just shy and autistic

ive read 12 books in november and already 3 this month and now i think i finally burnt myself out. im sad bc ill miss reading but glad bc its not the only thing i think about anymore

somehow im still under my cal limit after having a crepe and bagel for dinner. best ana /j

its 535 cals for not even half my little bag of dried banana chips. what if i ended it all

food is so disgusting im so gross so gross

studying at the library so i force myself not to snack

i feel like im not real

i miss the rage (edtwt)

im so sick of myself!!!!

i need to lock in its not even funny

i may have just taken the meds i forgot this morning (slow release 20mg) and 10 or 20 quick realease (i dont remember if i took 1 or two) ritalins. im rlly stupid um. so sleep for me ig

it is 7:30 pm after a long day of uni. should i go to bed?? ❌❌❌BUZZER NOISE im taking ritalin and doing pilates, then studying until i cant keep my eyes open

i could realistically skip lunch rn but im scared if i dont ill just end up binging tonight anyways ughhhh

in other news: I KEEP BINGING I HATE MYSELF WHY CANT I CONTROL MYSELF

i forgot to take my morning meds so i feel this horrible Dread but i also took a double dose of short release adhd meds to negate the fact i forgot my long release ones and now i feel like i could fight god

ALSO IS IT JUST ME BUT I SWEAR FROM ALL THE DISCOURCE ABOUT ICEBREAKER HOW DID I NOT KNOW THE FMC DEALS WITH DISORDERED EATING

my new hobby is taking stimulants and listening to audiobooks and playing roblox til 4 am, apparently

are the drugs kicking in or have i just entered my pacing era

#edsky #edtwt

New diet plan just dropped (50 years ago) #edsky #edtwt #caterpillarsky

gonna start cal logging my binges to shame me into STOPPING

i wanna binge so bad uuuughbb a a aa aaa i hate it

sorry if i start cryptic posting i need my honeymoon era back but i also wanna get better and recover but i also wanna lose weight but i also wanna excersise and be healthy but i also wanna be a skeleton but also i dont care but also its the only thing i think about

im better than this. i can control myself. i dont need it.

🌻 getting w̶o̶r̶s̶e̶ back on track thread ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

i need to get worse

im gonna start cal counting tmrw i swear

#thinspo #edsky #caterpillarsky

catching the flu or wtv sickness that was made me fall off so bad im so gross i need to lock in

winter thinspo vision + mood board ❄️🤍 #edsky #edtwt #caterpillarsky #promosky #ricecakesky #thinspo #ednos

srry ive been quiet lately ive been hardcore binging like a disgusting pig so im hiding away until i fucking lock in and stop being weak

i was meant to do a bunch of school work today but i can only bring myself to hate read tiktok romantasy and have the munchies

guys im still fucking high from the cart hits i did at 1am. send help (it is now 4:30 pm)

i miss the rage (being able to function on <800 cals without feeling like i need to go into a vegetative state to survive)

depite fearing im gaining but still refusing to lock in and do sth abt it i hate its fueling a little voice in my head saying "if you gain some bacl you'll be able to get worse and lose it all over again" (ive been plateauing/maintaining for months)

TW / drugs i dont chase i attract ✨ /j

sry guyz ive still been too ill to restrict which makes me feel like shit and that im not acrually disordered but i can feel the ed demons tickling st my brain