This new generation doesn’t know the pressures of playing Battletoads in front of all your friends with no extra lives remaining and it shows.

I am just a girl standing in front of her cherry tomatoes asking them to love her

Only one place has insights from STACKED League champ @kendallvalenzuela.bsky.social, @jaketrowbridge.bsky.social and @cooterdoodle.bsky.social. And it's a place you want to be! Win @mbfantasylife.bsky.social subscriptions just by joining the @fantasycaresorg.bsky.social Draft Prop Contest!

You’re laughing? I’ve caught Bieber Fever three separate times this year and you’re laughing?!

The coffee is WEAK against sleep

Ted lasso is WEAK on crime

How a chick reading tarot cards made in all in on Travis Kelce and Jaylen Waddle. www.fantasylife.com/articles/fan...

Yeah, but @cooterdoodle.bsky.social hit a hole-in-one and for some reason nobody's talking about it

There’s men falling from sky but I’ve got some emails to delete. Could click a button and watch em fly but I found a deal on high-rise jeans. I once knew a girl who wanted to go to space, I think. she’s too busy now, looking down watching the moon from hand machines

“There’s the catch of fire in the air. All the souls are out marauding. But there are roses, there are still roses*.” *magnolias

To be clear, I never lost in my home league in 2023. My punishment video was only friendly. I did not finish last that year. I did not eat hot wings and film it. I am not friends with last place. I have never met last place. So to be very clear, I did not lose.

To be clear, I never traded away Brock Bowers right before his massive 13-127-3 performance in Week 9. My response to the trade offer was trivial. Overlapping in social circles is common in fantasy leagues, but these reports from my home league are false. So to be very clear, I did not do this okay?

Types of people that interlock fingers

just two friends sharing NFL insider info

“HEAD coach, Mike Vrabel”

the astrophage in Project Hail Mary were the “bad guys”, but they caused harm without harmful intent and thats the most sci-Fi part about the entire movie

Remember when we used to wake up, make coffee, and news breaking of Aaron Rodgers wanting to go into a dark room was the first thing we saw. I miss that

peek a boo

Me making small talk to termite inspection guy: “At least it’s not too hot outside for you today.” Termite inspection guy: “I know. Perfect golf weather. That’s my sport.” Me: “Oh really? Well, I have to tell you... I got a hole in one in 2012 and no one’s talking about it.”

QB1 Kirk Cousins

I will be sure to tell the person sitting directly in front of me about this.

Artepiss Poo

Guess the WR: “Want a stud receiver without having to pay stud receiver prices? Are you okay if that receiver for sure misses at least a couple of games every season? THEN YOU’RE IN LUCK!” www.fantasylife.com/articles/dyn...

I used to only be able to eat $2 worth of ground beef in one sitting, but now I can eat $4.50 worth of ground beef in one sitting. I can’t believe how easy it is to increase protein into your diet!!

Telling every single one of my dynasty league mates to “check the trade offers I sent” today but they should’ve checked the date

The moment Aaron Glenn saw Geno Smith leading them to the promised land

Once i stop falling asleep to tiktoks, it’s over for you fuckers

I’ve sat with it long enough. They dumbed down Rocky and Ryland Grace far too much in the Project Hail Mary movie adaptation, Statement.

it is time

I used to be a lightweight and get drunk on $12 worth of beer, but now I can drink almost $24 worth before feeling a buzz. I can’t believe how fucking hard core I am!

4 trends and talking shit on my friends www.fantasylife.com/articles/fan...

Getting divisive with @kendallvalenzuela.bsky.social youtu.be/AQX1bq-XU04?...

I used to pull a muscle trying to bring $100 worth of groceries from my car to the kitchen in one trip, but now I can carry $100 worth of groceries easily with one single hand. I can’t believe how strong I am!

I identity most with “Zen Dad”

we’re eating good tonight, boys

I used to have to read signs to find out where to go at the airport, but now the TSA line is just right there waiting for me in the parking lot. I can’t believe flying is so simple now!

I always enjoy reading stuffs from @jaketrowbridge.bsky.social but I especially love reading stuffs from Jake that sprinkles in a dig at Aaron Rodgers www.fantasylife.com/articles/fan...

Aaron Rodgers could, in theory, say he’s spending the offseason deciding between playing football, retiring from football, and enlisting.

Me trying to figure out if the RB I drafted in the 1st round just scored a TD only to find out the Bijan Robinson TD doesn’t exist

This title is not really fair. The data was collected before Tyler Shough.

I used to only be able to fit $45 worth of gasoline in my vehicle but I just put $60 into it this morning! I can’t believe it can hold that much gasoline!

WE’RE EATING GOOD TONIGHT, BOYS

I’ve never understood why anyone would hold a conversation with ai until I started asking ai how to deep clean my blackstone grill top and now I’m shittin pissin crying to a computer asking it if I’m doing a good job

Once I start incorporating more leafy greens into my diet it’s over for you fuckers

“What do Hans Gruber (Die Hard), Artax (The Never Ending Story), the Old Taylor (Swift) and $175M of Miami's monies have in common?” www.fantasylife.com/articles/fan...

Back at it with one of the best! Talking Jaylen Waddle, backup QBs, and RB committees with @kendallvalenzuela.bsky.social youtu.be/tU58RmnhTQI?...

OF COURSE IM ABOUT TO BUST THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE FILLED YOUR BRACKET IN MONTHS BABE

thats way too long that’s the length of an entire Deshaun Watson contract