I had a CLOSED bag of durian candy in my bedroom overnight 1 year ago in a different apartment and I swear to god I still get whiffs of it sometimes when I walk into my room, like it permanently adhered itself to my belongings

Things have been going bad 👍

Thinking about this messy boy I saw online today! So cute

Exploiting my favorite loophole of buying beer with no nutrition label = I lie to myself and pretend it has no calories

Boyfriend is gonna have a friend over. I'm shy without a drink. Can't really afford to spend the cals on it though. Unless I can convince myself to make a new rule that social drinks don't count. But that's kind of ridiculous. Less ridiculous than isolating myself though...

Patiently waiting for the rice to cook even though I'm not eating any..... I just want to, idk, hang out with it

I feel somehow feel guilty about eating 492 c4lories the other day even though my goal was 500. I should have ended it closer to 450. Isn't that stupid? Objectively that's stupid isn't it

Lately I have been having fun and exciting dreams... A welcome change of pace from my usual nightly rotation of Apocalypse, Abandonment, Childhood School and Hospital Hallways

I'm not a violent cat. I don't know why I scratch.

sorry for the long vent. on my vent account

I smoked a joint and changed my mind. ㅇCD is stupid and I no longer have it. I'm going to have a banh mi for lunch

I hope I feel super fucking normal after a joint. Otherwise I will be back with 10 more vent posts about my stupid fucking loser brain

I can't even be ED-normal and be like "any deficit is a good deficit" NO I HAVE TO DO THE RITUALS PERFECTLY BECAUSE THE 0CD IS VERY LOUD

Made the same mistake twice. A good day with a lot of caffeine and then a sugar binge at night. This time was worse, I was still snacking after midnight, ruining the next day's cal count too. Really hate that. That's 3 binge days in a row on a 10 day diet. Should I just start over on it?

Last night I had beer and candy and cookies and pastries and turkey bacon and rice and buttered crackers... Bad choices for sure but still within my TDEE of ~2000 cals so I'm not going to let it ruin my day (manifesting)

I want to go a little crazy... unfortunately I can only go a big crazy.

Guilty of buying a bunch of junk food while/because I'm restricting 🤔🤔🤔 why am bad at being normal

The fall air is immaculate today. Crispy like an apple

Beat the 1am cravings last night with a pickle, a candy, and tea ✌️ for 32cals. It was almost bad

233c 🥦🥕🌶️

Last time I hit 149 I was like "I swear I'll never be in the 150s again" and then rather promptly returned to 157. BUT THIS TIME... 😈

149

Speaking of salted.... Yesterday I got salted duck eggs at a local asian grocery. I love salted egg flavor but I don't know what to eat them with except rice, and rice is really hard to eat on a ~500c diiet without doing ㅇmad🤔 I might not be able to have one for another week. But I crave it...

It just occurred to me, "why don't they make electrolyte candies?" ...Turns out they do, they're just marketed at absolute fuck-you prices considering they're literally just salted gummies.

Doing this again because [refuses to explain]

150

I slept so good. But I did have a small nightmare where I thought I got up to drink a 10 calorie sugar free drink that wasn't "allowed" and felt a lot of regret. Lol. Very normal very sane.

Actually... I'm breaking at 10h for a midnight apple

Why do I always relapse right before winter? Am I stupid?

My next quest is water/tea/broth fasting for 18h

Getting maybe the worst sleep of my entire life 👍 hot cold hot cold hot cold hot cold also the sound of my own wheezing is pissing me off. I can barely breathe. Stayed under 500 c yesterday so I'm entering k3tosis on top of that, I'm telling myself this works out cuz I feel like ass anyway lol

Sick as a dog. Probably something I caught on Halloween 🤒

Only picture I got but I wore a suit for Halloween 🦝🎃🤵‍♂️ doesn't fit perfectly but not too shabby, right?

Hallo happyween

I LOVE it when I sign up for autopay and then get my policy inexplicably cancelled for non-payment anyway

After regaining a lot of weight I feel too fat to be here 🧍‍♂️

*logs back on 2 months later*

24 hour water fa$t after months of feeling unable to restrict 😗 the cycle continues after all

Last night boyfriend called me out on eating too much of his snacks. Embarassing. But it's true. I gotta stop.

Moved into a new place 🕺 with my boyfriend 👨‍❤️‍👨 I am quite fat again these days but I'm doing well otherwise

the binge cycle this summer has been horrendous

Blue sippy & blue spliffy

When restricting is hard, I can't remember what it was like when it was easy. When restricting is easy, I can't remember what it was like when it was hard.

151 ↘️

🫩

153 ↗️

My exgf dumped a bunch of vegetables she didn't want to eat in the sink so i had her do extra dishes and clean it up... 10 min later she breaks the garbage disposal with a metal shot glass. Blames me for having metal shot glasses. I'm glad she cheated on me. I'm tired of babysitting this dumb bitch.

Recently I have been putting sf caramel topping on silken tofu... it's like high protein flan :D