The courts should force Donald Trump to give Maria Corina Machado's Nobel Peace Prize to E. Jean Carroll.

I'm getting pretty tired of seeing GoFundMes due to the terrorism committed by our federal government. Not that I don't want to see the victims compensated handsomely but I want them to sue the government for so much money that we have to rename state capitals after them.

That part of the Bible that says shoot immigrants in the leg if they resist.

The GOP when their handlers ask how the deconstruction of education, decency, health and wealth in the United States is going.

If your grandfather kept calling you to say that he aced a dementia test, you’d conclude that he forgot he took all the previous ones and insist he give up his car keys.

"If you're going to get sick or injured, you better do it today or tomorrow." –Pro-life Republicans

We can all rest peacefully now for the King is innocent!

Notre Dame made their bed. Join a conference or zip it.

BREAKING: Trump Hotel is awarded “Best Hotel Ever” prize by Four Seasons Total Landscaping

Donald Trump was awarded the first ever FIFA Peace Prize. And–in true soccer fashion–was given FIFA orange slices during intermission, which he then proceeded to smear all over his face to use as foundation.

If Rip Van Winkle leans any further to the left people are gonna confuse him for an MSNBC host.

icE autoPen pardonS naTional guard vEnezuela Insults distractioNs

Mike Johnson is such an ineffective Speaker that he thinks DP stands for discharge petition.

The intern wore a blue dress. Donald Trump wore a blew dress.

It seems a lot of people suddenly realized that part of the “woke agenda” is not sleepwalking your way into fascism.

Abigail Spanberger sounds quite presidential in her acceptance speech.

Abigail Spanberger: I PROTECT THE FAMILY.

"I'm speaking!" Looks like ya Winsome, ya lose some. Abigail for Virginia!

"Let them starve." – Pro-life Republicans

Breaking: Donald Trump orders the nation's flags to fly at half-staff to mourn the death of the Young Republicans' nazi-loving group chat.

Firing the people responsible for making sure states comply with IDEA doesn’t eliminate special education funding. But, if you think all states will spend that money properly on those who need it, ask yourself why federal oversight was created in the first place.

Anybody know where one can apply to be a Soros-paid protestor?

There is no leader of Antifa. There is no girlfriend of the leader of Antifa. They are creating imaginary people so they can justify going after real people.

Please join me in wishing this great guy @spawn03.bsky.social a “Happy Birthday!” 🥳🎉♥️

To all the police and military just now realizing where this regime takes us, I have one thing to say; Better late than Nuremberg.

I hope Bill Belichick tries to coach the Yankees next.

I kept reading about a super full moon in Aries and wasn't really sure what that meant but now I get it.

"Kavanaugh's the bitch," exclaims Amy Coney Barrett.

If Republicans have taught us anything, it's that you cannot just make debt disappear...unless you're friends with the president.

I’ve got a skit idea for SNL. Have Drunk Uncle come out and lip sync the Orange Embarrassment’s UN address.

Thank gawd Donald Trump is draining the swamp! Wait, that sounds kinda swampy.

Know who might need the vaccine the most? Those who either can't afford the co-pay or don't have easy access to a doctor.

A thief just came up to my front porch to steal a package. He opened it up, saw that it was supplements, and threw the package and bottle onto my front lawn. Little did he know that they were magnesium pills and they would've helped him sleep better with himself at night.

Please remember to tell the government to fuck off this weekend 'cause that's your constitutional right.

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for dumb Americans. I wanted to name it Turning Point USA, but apparently, that's already taken by a group of morons.

If Republicans hate DC so much, why do so many of them choose to stay after their political careers end?

"Name one thing he said that was racist." I love when the 𝘋𝘰 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘖𝘸𝘯 𝘙𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 crowd assigns homework.

Sound familiar?

Fox News viewers gleefully cheer as Brian Kilmeade suggests we execute homeless Americans while knowing full well that they are a bad cold away from being homeless themselves.

Do you know why the pro-life dipshits at Fox News support murdering homeless Americans? Because they vote.

Republicans hate the Jesus depicted in the Bible so they chose to worship a hate-monger instead.

The pro-life folks at Fox News say we should be murdering homeless Americans, many of whom are veterans they pretend to love so dearly.

The snowflakes who pretend to hate cancel culture so much sure are demanding that a lot of people lose their jobs for calling a spade a spade.

This sounds like DEI to me.

Hey MSNBC, this is the kind of statement someone should get fired over. Not for stating facts. www.thedailybeast.com/fox-news-hos...

Rock Creek Park in Washington, DC turns 135 years old this year. Pictured is freshman senator Chuck Grassley at the dedication ceremony.

This is my shocked face when I see the blame has shifted to teachers. 😐

I’ve been a hospice volunteer, and the people I worked with were the most beautiful, giving people you could ever imagine. Empathy isn’t a “made-up, New Age word that does a lot of damage”. Empathy is everything.