@drewmagary.bsky.social Florida Hanz & Franz or Marlins Man?

Is it easier to make a shot with a smaller basketball?

@drewmagary.bsky.social Rick Pitino will never not conjure the image of a white suit, breadsticks, and tabletop sex.

@michelleroy78.bsky.social Light today… You gardening, sailing, at the beach, at the movies, cleaning your baseboards…?

Me 6 weeks ago: I can’t wait for Spring and warm weather. Me 6 hours ago: mow and rake and edge and blow and trim and bale and haul and water and skim the pool and sweep the deck and… Just 8 more months of this!

@michelleroy78.bsky.social Me: “I wish to could get some followers.” Also Me, after getting a couple hundred followers in 24 hours: “Well, now what do I do?”

@michelleroy78.bsky.social More funny, please! I know you’re not my personal Comedic In-n-Out Burger, but my funny bone is growling!

@michelleroy78.bsky.social Me: These are my GOOD tennis shoes…my NICE Nikes…they are not to be worn while raking, watering, or other yardwork. Also Me: Well, I’m just gonna knock this one thing out. Next Day Me: I need new Nikes; these are dirty and ugly.

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The 2nd best time is today. Plant a tree today!

@karesun.bsky.social My “Follows” are flooding in… Out of curiosity, how’d you come to be aware of me? Thanks.

@michelleroy78.bsky.social That disappointment when an alert is for a “Follow” instead of a “Reply.”

Bluesky is many things to many people. For me it’s the opportunity to prance precipitously close to innuendo while precariously perched on an unstable limb juxtapositioned with flirting!

@iranzye.bsky.social Pretty sure you like Jefferson Airplane.

@michelleroy78.bsky.social It’s 50 (FFS FIFTY!!!) degrees colder in Austin than it was yesterday afternoon…with additional 20 degrees of Wind Chill!!! Yesterday afternoon I was on a run in shorts and no shirt with the sun making my arms feel like sizzling bacon strips! Yesterday: 96 Now: WC 26

The answer might be Rhiannon. Ancient soulful voice of controlled glass in a blender. Bass line of inconspicuous exquisite perfection. Beats of raucous thunder impossibly in time. Keyboards as infinitely melodic as they are brave and reserved. Guitar as Hendrix as Harrison, as Clapton as Page.

I’m gonna watch Waiting for Guffman again instead.

World, please ignore his threats if you don’t help.

@michelleroy78.bsky.social Are you going to Live-Post quips and comments during the Oscars tonight?

@michelleroy78.bsky.social Well lookie here… Look who’s up early on a Sunday!

Doritos portion control for me means buying a smaller bag.

Goalkeepers out of position allowing 65 Meter Kicks into the net need Progressive Insurance’s Dr. Rick to ask them, “What are you doing?” When they answer, “We’re attacking…” he needs to interrupt with, “No, I know what THEY’RE doing…what are YOU doing?”

Is it even legal for Pizza to taste so good?

I use the Swiffer to rake the bag of Doritos I can’t quite reach like a Casino Croupier and exclaim, “Winner!”

Spaghetti deserves consideration as breakfast.

Me - “Can I get a full order of fajita beef nachos?” Server - “…as your entree?” Me - “Have I surrendered my menu?”

I wouldn’t call myself a master chef, but when I grill my pyramid of charcoal briquettes also has an accompanying adjacent miniature Great Sphinx of Giza.

I wouldn’t call myself a master chef, but I can dollop the perfect amount of jelly for a PBJ on the first attempt. 🥪

I just found out the “three horizontal lines” symbol on apps and websites is called a Hamburger Icon. Now I want a hamburger. No, a cheeseburger. I want a Hot Dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips…

My faves are apparently sleeping in. C’mon…tickle my fancy, and make me spill my coffee!

I was going to commit myself to getting in shape until I realized it doesn’t include a diet that allows a slice of whipped cream-topped Strawberry Pie as a Cracker Barrel Country Breakfast chaser.

I hold my sweatpants to the high standard of zippered pockets so my phone doesn’t slide out while couch-slouched eating Doritos.

Wild gesturing is indicative of desperation to achieve lie-based manipulation.

Pete Hegseth looks like he was gifted a charity audition as an extra in a late-night yard hose informercial.

Nothing quite as impressive in the delivery of propaganda as a wardrobe choice that includes a Kid Rock pocket square.

Hegseth’s Alternative Headlines validated by his Michael Scott-styled accompanied hand gestures.

Hegseth’s verbiage is bullistic.

@michelleroy78.bsky.social Have you succumbed to equating recreation with exercise? I used to count running, biking, hiking, swimming, or tennis as a fun activity…now they count as an excuse to cancel checking the mail!

@michelleroy78.bsky.social Finally hit me: You look like Megan Fox is drawn in the Family Guy “All I Really Want for Christmas” song where, like Jennifer Biel, is “…wearing nothing but her socks!”

@bluesnowflake.bsky.social @michelleroy78.bsky.social Thought you two should know!

“Party at the Moon Tower!”

@drewmagary.bsky.social Secy. Hegseth is hyping himself up in the mirror Reservoir Dogs Tim Roth - style for not including Nickelodeon in the War Plans group chat.

@drewmagary.bsky.social Enjoyed your mention on the podcast of Sarah Hughes’ Olympic performance.

@bluesnowflake.bsky.social This is going to be a shit show!

@drewmagary.bsky.social Olympic Withdrawal hits different.

@bluesnowflake.bsky.social Prepare yourself for a Christopher Guest movie about Curling!