Happy 58th birthday to the iconic Kylie Minogue.

Does anybody else have a dedicated screaming pillow for when their parents visit?

I love playing the game of does the penis match the personality

Closeted boys in high school

I used to think there were only like 8 homosexuals, but on here there’s at least 13

Retirement age should be 34

I just want one (1) little sweet treat

Where I am right now

Botox appointment on a 35 degree day when my blood pressure is very low good luck everybody 🫶🏻✌🏻

What do you mean it’s only Tuesday?

Bloomf is definitely in heat

Afternoon, hömösexuals

So many of you on here are unhinged (complimentary)

Baby’s first-ever music festival next Sunday and I still don’t know what to wear

- Cooking ❌ - Cleaning ❌ - Bush maintenance ✔️

Bought a cute new speedo for my family trip to Italy only to find the front is very very sheer 🫤

Sleepy

The worst part about working on a weekend is the work bit

You guys like my olive tree?

😶‍🌫️

This hotel room comes with such an ergonomically pleasing cuck chair

Never did I think I would work in a job where I had my own hi-vis vest. Yet here I am 🦺

Off to Budapest for work tomorrow morning, which is fine, but I hate hate hate hate travelling and eating by myself 🥺

If you need me, just don’t

Redesigning our bathroom just to feel something

Spent the day with the most punchable journalist so if anyone would like to spare my delicate hands and do the job for me, I'd be très appreciative

He’s an old overachiever 🫩

Love seeing everyone absolutely hating on Monday, just the way we should 🤍

Gay people shouldn’t have to work when the weather is nice.

Are you the cold handed one in the relationship, or the one that gets victimised by said cold hands?

You can definitely tell a Reform voter simply by looking at their teeth

Practising for Italy

I change my mind. It’s cyclist squats that will do it

I’ve seen how I die and it involves curtsy lunges 🙂‍↕️

Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived

I don’t really like ice cream, there I said it

Napped over lunch and now i’m ruined for the rest of the day

Hoe sweet home

Three days spent in Texas and I didn't even see a single cowboy

Is anybody else just consistently, irrevocably exhausted 🙋🏻‍♂️

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in my job, it’s that the men in my business do not know how to dress well

Why does my Uber driver have Dude Wipes on his front seat 🫤

Why are so many Americans obsessed with Staryucks. It is not good 🆖

Morning little men in my phone

Ordered £150 worth of fun AWRY stuff to be delivered to my hotel. Was delivered today…to some random mailbox, somewhere 🙃

Rise and shine, Texas

Dallas had better put on a great thunderstorm tonight for me

Homophobic hotel lighting 😣

Once again in the Bad Place (airport lounge with children running wild as their parents, who should have been neutered, sit and watch videos on loud on their phones)