Discovered today that Instagram had turned on (without my opt-in) automatic AUDIO translation of any reel that shows up in my feed not in English USING AI TO MIMIC THE SPEAKER’S VOICE and WOW it was creepy and upsetting. You can turn it off in “Language & Translations” in Settings. 🙅🏻‍♀️

Them: so what did you get up to this weekend? Me: …

My mom insists I text her every day when I’m away yet she sent me ZERO pics of my cat this weekend.

If anyone in Vancouver wants one ticket to James Acaster tonight, let me know. I am hoping to make it down later this week but won’t be there tonight.

Everybody gets cool moths and I get the ones that remind me I’m not allowed to buy cashmere.

To be completely honest, Kristi Noem having a total fucking meltdown over not having her blanket on a flight is the only relatable thing about her. But I’m not an evil asshole so I wouldn’t get somebody fired over it.

It’s not too late for me to learn how to say “Can I pet your dog?” in Spanish.

There is a very good dog (husky-like in appearance) in the breakfast room doing a perfect sit while his human gets food.

For reasons unknown the Elvis 1968 comeback special is a movie option on my flight.

The guy next to me is a floppy sleeper and he is fully going to end up cuddling me at some point.

omg everybody go draw a horse this is what the internet was made for gradient.horse

Is it perimenopause? Do I have fybromyalgia? Long COVID? Any number of mental illnesses? Is the world just a goddamn living nightmare? Who fucking knows but they all seem to have the same bloody symptoms and no real way of distinguishing between cause and effect.

DID ANY BOYS KISS AFTER THE FOOTBALL GAME?

The team with the better mascot should always win at sports.

Once again Amazon is like “We see you just bought a shitload of fake blood. May we interest you in even MORE fake blood?” I’m dressing up as a bloody valentine on Saturday. Like half of my liquids allowance will be little bottles of blood.

Did Billie sing “maga agenda” instead of “redneck agenda” like he did on tour?

The Swiss goalie deserves and apology from the rest of her team good lord. Queen shit.

Olympic hockey sponsored by Ozempic OH FUCK YOU.

I’m catching up on Fallout and thinking about how the Elder Scrolls could be a good show if they built a series around the thieves guild or the dark brotherhood. The problem is that they’d want to GOT it up with dragons and the dragons aren’t necessarily the most interesting lore.

Reminder to periodically check your phone and internet providers’ promos because my phone is now $15 cheaper and includes roaming in the US and Mexico.

Using the term “youthsplaining” when a zoomer tries to educate me about things I personally experienced before they were born.

MCR is so good for this. Honey, This Mirror Isn’t Big Enough for the Two of Us You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish

I want to clean out my storage room but I know my adhd ass will move everything into the living room & leave it there for eternity because I’ll be too overwhelmed. Or I’ll locate the one thing I’m hyperfixated on finding & then pile everything else back in a way that’s somehow worse than it is now.

I take one little MCR social media break and the rest of Paper Kingdom leaks. Christ.

The dress is not actually hanging from her nipples, dipshits. Do you think the woman has no areolas?

Lovely how every time there's a big Epstein file dump we all feel like we have to relive all our teen girl sexual harassment/abuse trauma publicly because we've culturally memoryholed the horrors of 1970's-2000's "jailbait" shit

I hope one day there's a dude as funny as Catherine O'Hara was, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Tonight in pony news: Hazel did a mini spook at lord knows what but it caused her to smack her butt against the wall and it was loud so she had a meltdown. Which is why I lunge her before every ride. She always has to get at least one panic attack out of her system.

If Wicked has taught me anything, it’s that they should remake The Phantom Menace as a musical

What branch of furrydom does Bonhomme fall under?

I keep getting ads for diamonds on Netflix. Bro, I have the lowest tier subscription possible. You think I’m your target market?

The right are getting off on these murders sexually. You’ll never prove otherwise.

There’s a part of my brain that thinks I can do Europe in a carry-on but then I remember I’m bringing a tent.

I have finished consuming Taskmaster and hands-down my favorite task was in the champion of champions episode where Alex ate the edible masks. I had to pause multiple times because I could not stop cry-laughing at him biting their faces.

Now that I know how little effort has been put into studying perimenopause I deeply resent the existence of multiple erectile dysfunction drugs. I give zero fucks about whether old dicks can get hard. Perimenopause can last for upwards of a decade & most doctors have no fucking clue how to help.

Doing BTS bias quizzes with other people who don’t know anything about the members of BTS.

If I ever find out what Marty Supreme is even about it will have happened against my will. I do not consent to receiving any information about whatever that shit is.

How many commercial flights pass through Greenland’s airspace on any given day? Pretty much everything between the western parts of North America and Europe, yeah? And how badly would shit get fucked up if that airspace was ever closed for emergency reasons?

Between the imminent job cuts and Canada’s cowardly response to Trump’s threats against Greenland it has been a great day for Conservative PM @mark-carney.bsky.social

I spend a lot of time thinking about what my Taskmaster task uniform would be.

My coworker added Heated Rivalry to the agenda for our 1:1 today. She is my kind of people.

One funny Heated Rivalry Canadianism I’ve had to explain more than once is that, yes, it is a “cottage” no matter how big it is. They’re not just being funny. And if you’re on the west coast it’s a cabin.

My coworker just took shared credit for something I did “we did xyz” when it was ONLY me and I can’t be bothered to call her out but I’m pissed.

Do Americans not know what a piece of shit Kevin O’Leary is or do they just not care? Wait I probably already know the answer to this.

@mark-carney.bsky.social Why are you allowing a tool that creates child pornography to exist in Canada? Surely we draw the line on free speech somewhere before "creating unlimited, violent child pornography". Or is kiddie porn a Liberal value now? Do something.

I don’t follow sports but I hate Soldier Field for deeply personal reasons so by default their football team should lose.

How is it that in a world where there are a thousand different travel pillow options a Squishmallow is better than all of them?

Fuck it. I’m getting prescription retinoids.

I guess they’ve already ended poverty. *checks notes* Oh. Thanks for wasting my tax dollars on cops while countless people can’t afford basic necessities, bro.

I think the Bible says something about bearing false witness but what would I know I’m a heathen.