So today I found out “Uncle Sam 🫵” has zero siblings, never married, no living or dead nephews or nieces, I think I may hurl.

I’m gonna double the size of the planet, hold on.

And I hehehehehehhehehehehhehehehehhehe all day

Tech world doesn’t see it as a trolley problem, they see it as a trolley opportunity. 🚋 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 🚋 💀 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 “Why not both???”

I opened up a new data center IN YOUR TOWN, for my ass.

Toupee company - Baldbusters

Humanity is playing Russian roulette with a Glock re: AI

If heaven were a thing it’d be me eating Fritos non stop

If I had god-like powers I’d be doing some real neat certifiably nifty things.

If an extraterrestrial ever tried to touch me I’d fucking scream.

I’m old enough to remember old stuff that happened in the past.

I’m Hotsauce Magneto

After rewatching the George Lucas era Star Wars and then the Disney umbrella of tales what I realized is the best Star Wars stories are the smutty ones I make up in my head.

Promise?

Getting a wax is really expensive these days, cost ya an arm hair & a leg hair.

My mom said I could docent at the Museum of Jerry @jcsalterego.bsky.social when I grow up.

I feel like The Mummy 4 is going to need a sequel for me to be satisfied!

Billy Elliot is about a kid who can dance????? I thought it was a peaky blinder.

I wish airplanes were waterproof 😢

I’m gonna make an A.I. I’ll be the first to make an A.I. eat a little piece of shit.

Look all I’m saying is Jon Hamm as live action Homer Simpson. Shave the dome and he’s 100% there, I swear to you.

Keeping It Simply Stupid

I was trying to remember the name of the movie Bowfinger, but could only think to type Chubby Rain. I got so far as Chubby and noticed they listed Adam Pally above actors NAMED Chubby 😳 IMDb what the hell!!

Playing Starfield and damn if everyone doesn’t talk to me shitty… 💀 💥 🔫

Indiana Jones would trounce Sherlock Holmes. You come at him loquaciously he’ll pop you in the head, that’s game ♟️

I’m up in space (Artemis II), AMA!

One thing I appreciate about Star Trek Academy is that The Doctor, after 800+ years finally gets wise and starts carrying his mobile emitter in a pocket instead of on the outside of his arm, as to prevent every fucking character ever from just ripping it right off his person.

The accents in Star Trek: Voyager holo program “Fair Haven” are very rude. 50 fuckers faking Irish is 50 too many.

Nobody knows why fish have teeth.

When Hormuz opens back up call it a Strait Flush 🃏 🃏 🃏 🃏 🃏

I’m doing cloaking tech on all Federation vessels, Klingons be damned. It’s a safety issue well beyond our previous conflicts. It’s sketch in outer space!

So, to boil down what ur saying is cows are wide horse?

The folks who blare their car’s horn out of road anger should not inherit the earth.

Who designed this McCafe?!Dumbshitmagoo?

@gaghyogi49.bsky.social rewatching Voyager, S4E23 Living Witness and now I GOTTA see the backup Doctor reunite with Doctor prime on Academy! Totally forgot about that plot line but the years could match up.

First act as captain of a new starship is decommissioning the holodeck. Haunted technology.

What the hell is a snake?

Jason Statham doing an American accent would be like neutering Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Tubi Tuesdays

Did Jim and Pam on The Office get married? I feel like I missed a few seasons.

Who dented the moon?

Wonder Man was awesome don’t know what to tell ya bud.

Been watching the Star Wars films and I’m pretty sure they just MADE up this Darth Vader character 🤨

Couldn’t remember how to spell Cleo so I started to doubt it was a real name…

Different repercussions for the liars in Eleanor The Great and Twinless, 😮‍💨 did NOT realize what I was getting into with either of these plots.

Look all I’m saying is you touch an X-Men in Doomsday, I ain’t watching any other film you ever star in.

Winnie the Shit

I’m replacing Food Trucks with Food Ditches. Find me.

Gonna give this Shrinking a fugging shot, innit!

The thing about being sick is you’ll find yourself setting your glass of water down in places you NEEEEEVEEERRRR would have imagined possible, in healthier times.