Can't wait to convince myself Greg Dulcich is a good fantasy pick.

Guy who only pays attention to golf during the Masters: "How's Tiger looking this year?"

Maybe y'all don't care about this issue, but it is important to me that gays can now travel to Hormuz. Thanks, President Trump.

This could be the best day in NFL Twitter history.

Prepare yourself for a very timely movie take that all the kids were clamoring for. Deep Impact is so much better than Armageddon.

I can tolerate a lot of things, but when someone promises me exploding bridges, I expect exploding bridges. Trust lost.

Happy power plant and bridge day! Praise be to Allah.

Jesus just brutally resurrectmogged Judas

Watching Saving Private Ryan is fun because you randomly get hit in the face by a super famous person you completely forgot about. “Paul Giamatti? WTF are you doing here?”

Never change, Arsenal

Me, at my most out of shape, when my back hurts just walking through the grocery store: Please, god. Help me lose this weight and I will never let it get this bad again. Me, down 20 pounds: Yo that Chinese buffet has crab legs.

Lord, Give me the confidence of my 4-year-old who immediately puts his artwork on the fridge when he’s done with it.

Saint Peter in critical condition with roundhouse kick related injuries.

The March is already madnessing. This is great.

Once again forgot to schedule my vasectomy. Guess I will just have to watch basketball all weekend with some frozen peas in my lap for the love of the game.

Imagine I had hoped all those cringe celebs singing it during COVID was going to snap the public out of loving that awful song, but no.

No one can enter the kingdom of Panda Express except through me.

Newest 2026 NFL Mock Draft from Brendan Donahue, one of the most accurate mock drafters of the last five years. www.sharpfootballanalysis.com/analysis/202...

I hate that I fall for the "X off orders of X" promos on doordash, especially since it is never about saving money. "Oh, you think I won't spend $30 at Taco Bell? Guess again, shithead."

It’s becoming clear Aston Villa’s only path to the Champions League is winning the Europa, and I am really worried what our financial situation will be if we don’t get UCL.

Dave Matthews Band is awesome and it is weird the cool crowd tried to jaslight us into hating them.

The biggest fantasy winners from free agency weren't necessarily the guys who got paid. Emeka Egbuka, a sneaky RB you might not be talking about, and the biggest winners and losers from free agency. www.sharpfootballanalysis.com/fantasy/nfl-...

Won’t be able to call it the Strait of Hormuz when me and the boys show up in our pirate ship, you know what im sayin?

It’s been a weird month.

I will never forget Maxx Crosby’s time with the Ravens.

I promise, babe. We are only going to Magic City to support the first amendment.

How many 10 mm sockets does an F1 team go through in a year? 1,000? 100,000? Extrapolating from my own garage, I would put the number at least at 40,000.

Travis: I'm making $12 million this year Taylor: That's cute

The Dolphins will pay more to Falcons quarterbacks this season than the Falcons.

Tua Tagovailoa checks Kevin Stefanski's most important box which is not being Deshaun Watson.

Mike Evans gives two middle fingers to the substation as he walks off the field after playing all 17 games.

And reworked Conner's deal to keep him? Trey Benson in shambles.

Do y'all think it is possible some of these teams negotiated with agents before the window opened?

When the vyvanse and coffee hit my stomach at the same time

My clock is lying to me.

Like a toddler shoving toys into the closet so mom doesn’t notice the mess. www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...

Maxx Crosby ranked third among qualified defensive linemen in stuff rate last season. He stopped the ball carrier at or behind the line of scrimmage on 6.5% of his run defense snaps.

We were on such a heater in Middle East military engagements. Impossible to see this quagmire coming.

It's wild that the current administration is out here just ignoring that I would be CORRUPT AS HELL for an astoundingly low price.

If your main circle isn't discussing -AI -Investing -Lighting the signal fire in Iran to cause armageddon Then it's time to find a NEW circle

Imagine running a 4.47 as a QB and looking slow because of the guy in front of you in the drill. Wild.

I miss when we fought wars for noble reasons like controlling the market for oil and heroin.

I wonder if the "fastest Combine group of all time" has anything to do with prospects self selecting out of the drill. Probably not related.

Superhero jacked at the chemo drip smoking a protein cigarette

I really wish someone would make a movie about living with Tourette’s so the public could better understand the condition. Alas….

Why? Is something going on?

Olivia Dean perfectly captured the vibe of classic FIFA soundtracks (extremely complimentary)

I ain’t ever had a skinny Tuesday

Curling is the truth.