I love how Donald Dipshit always feels the need to write out Trump Derangement Syndrome as well as TDS, as though he’s tickled pink about how funny it is as his little thumbs hammer his phone screen. Like a dementia-addled grandfather, each time he tells it is like the first time for that joke.

Frog, meet the scorpion.

We, as a country, have never needed a new season of John Oliver as much as we do now.

“Were there any underage girls at any party that Trump attempted with Jeffrey Epstein?” PAM BONDI: “This is so ridiculous in that they are trying to deflect from all the great things Donald Trump has done.” I mean, you could have just said “No,”Pam. Unless…

Congratulations, Donald, on your newest award. I believe it’s the Coal Union National Trophy, or CUNT. Well deserved, Donald, you cunt.

Dear Kevin, we didn’t ask.

Next the cutie started rubbing my back. She put her finger right between my booty crack. So I grabbed her wrist quick and said, “Hold up slut. Ain't Nobody sticking nothing in my butt.” - Kid Rock So very Christian. Also of note: If nobody sticks nothing, then somebody is sticking something.

Bad Bunny’s closing messages during his Super Bowl performance: “The only thing more powerful than hate is love” “Together, we are America”

Bad Bunny did more for this nation in 15 minutes than Donald Trump has in a decade. I really believe that.

Just in case people weren’t certain Jake Paul is a POS, he left no doubt.

OK "god bless america" and then naming every country in the americas from south to north is absolute king shit

Welp, looks like Texas AND Florida will be in play thanks to these idiots.

Hey Pete, I know a very good way the Department of War could get in on this. Think Maduro times four.

Dear Megyn, Bad Bunny is Puerto Rican. Puerto Rico is a part of the United States, you insufferable imbecilic asshat.

“Get ready Noah, I'm going to have some fun with you!” - Donald Trump threatening Trevor Noah for a joke about Epstein Island sure sounds like something Donald said to a 13 year old while on Epstein Island.

“Fuck ICE is what I want to say.” - Billie Eilish

This is not a surprise hit. This is a box office bomb. The opening is front loaded more than a Marvel or horror movie. Whatever people planned to see this pile of rapist-directed dung have now done so. 7 million against a 75 million cost.

$8 million estimated opening… “No one saw that coming, with many suggesting Melania was a bomb before it even opened based on empty, or nearly empty, seat maps in cinemas across the country.” Uhm… 8 million is a bomb for this. It cost an estimated $75 million. Hollywood Reporter knows better.

I will never understand how so many people in this country could see this image and determine it to be necessary or even acceptable.

The guy on the right is New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, photographed at the Kennedy Center premiere of “Melania.” #GoSeahawks!

37. The age of Renee Good and Alex Pretti when they were murdered. Also 37. Donnie’s approval rating.

Political crimes? Aside from, say, trying to overturn an election, there isn’t any such thing, Donald, you Orwellian cunt bag.

Some advice for UK news outlets: there are two sides to the story, and Trump is a cunt in both of them.

I was taught it’s better to let 10 guilty men go free than one innocent suffer. It’s the foundation of our “benefit of the doubt” legal system. So what is the ratio for illegal immigrants to American lives? Even if this process was rounding up bad guys, is the cost not to steep?

As it turns out, Donald Trump did, in fact, gather up the worst of the worst. And he hired them all in his administration.

Attaboy, Donald. You have managed to piss off the entire world.

Mayor Frey said it best: yesterday tens of thousands of Minnesotans marched to protest ICE in the streets. Not one broken window. Not a single act of violence. Don’t tell us this bloodshed is on anyone but the masked Gestapo violating the constitution at the behest of the president and his goons.

ICE agents had taken his weapon from its holster BEFORE they shot him…👇 He was being pinned down and brutally beaten by a mob of ICE agents when they shot him FOR NO REASON. It was MURDER. Mad yet?!

NBA star Tyrese Halliburton speaks out

Fuck off, your murderous piece of shit Nazi cunt. Nobody wants you there.

“Bovino’s outfits complete the Nazi look: a closely cropped haircut, as if he had taken a photo of Ernst Röhm to the barber.” - German newspaper

“I think it’ll be the most prestigious board of any board ever in world history.” - Donald This is huge news for the Peace Board. I didn’t expect it to be this important, but wow.

I’m looking forward to when the Board of Peace decides to hand out a new Peace Prize. The anticipation of who might win has me on pins and needles.

Appropriate, probably not the flex he thinks it is

No further description needed.

The difference between Don Quixote and Don Trump is Trump would have sexually assaulted Dulcinea.

I used to believe these WWII posters were hyperbolic to raise money from fear. Nope.

This guy is basically inviting China to take Taiwan.

“Have you no decency, sir?”

PEDOPHILE PROTECTOR!

Strangely enough, I also predicted you’d lose the Globe. You’re not as funny and talented as the others. Also, the Globes are not voted on by the “woke” town. It’s the foreign press, you fucking idiot. However, you would stand a better chance of any award had you not licked Trump’s taint.

“You’re gonna have a thing called robots, and robots are gonna be a big factor. I predict that robots are gonna be a big factor in the future and it’s gonna help out.” - Donald “Pedophile Protector” Trump In yet another bold prediction, Donald flexes his mental acuity

File this under “Yeah, no shit.”

A YouGov poll asked whether Jonathan Ross was justified in shooting Renee Good. NOT JUSTIFIED: 53% JUSTIFIED: 28% And that’s his base. 28% of Americans who watched Jonathan Ross murder Renee Good and thought it was just fine. They will never change. But 28% can easily be defeated at the polls.

“My own morality. My own mind. It’s the only thing that can stop me." - Donald Trump Considering he has no morality and no mind, nothing can stop him. Well, except heart disease and dementia, so we still have a chance.

100% this!👇

👇👇