Cruisin for a Bruisin but crashing into an Iceberg of Charm and sinking into the cold dark Sea of Love

Robot took to Kissing like a Fish to Water :) and the fish is So thirsty

Robot keeps asking for more Kissing Lessons… buddy I think you’re plenty good already

just had another Kissing Lesson with Robot and Wow. I thought I was the Teacher

told Golem he could have the day off and he stomped off some place

trying to have a conversation with my Golem is like talking to a Highly Uncommunicative Person

these days seems to be a Very Confusing time to have the Initials A.I. and several concussions

enemies-to-lovers journey of self-acceptance

we all got that one non-corporeal homie who none of the other homies ever acknowledge

shooting pains are a sign that your Body is gaining Powers

friend: “I think we should go to the hospital” me, a little distracted, trying to bend my Knees back the Normal Way: “I’m not really that hungry”

thats not real thats an Old Wives Tail... Everyone knows Wives lose their Tails when they are Young

As someone new to empathy, I have to say, there is a certain coldness to it.

for a second there I thought Everybody Hated My Guts. and seconds became minutes

sometimes I get this Unshakeable Urge to Do Something Nice... like a little insect gnawing on my gray matter...

boss says I gotta keep Facing Forwards or the wandering travelers who study my Moss patterns will get all turned around :/

recently received some fairly bog-standard chronic injuries

hands hurting because of Normal stuff like Mouse and Key Board

I’m much more productive WFH where I can stay focused on what I’m doing without constant interruptions from coworkers asking me to do my Job

I am a Fashion Icon. You must Burn me and Bless the ashes in order to break your Curse of Fashion

once your chopped unc is washed you're ready to add it to the stew

Once you’ve been ambulatory for a few years you start to get “pedestrian’s Legs,” which grant Immunity to any and all Vehicular Damages

Any sufficiently advanced Pedestrian becomes indistinguishable from a Car

took me wayyy too long to realize I can take the fire escape on the runback to work each morning to avoid having to kill the neighbors blocking my path

don't worry it's all part of God's Twisted Scheme

when you're at work are you expected to do your job or is it pretty much a free for all

you can tell from the variety of arrows embedded in my back that I am a Coward with a Penchant for Fleeing :)

if I could shapeshift I would turn into an Ordinary Guy Who Can't Do Any Freakey Shifting

if I was a shapeshifter I wouldn't. seems like it would be freaky

hate that awkward pause at standup after I give my update and everyone's like “...we thought you were Dead”

"that must have been hard" nah it wasn't too bad I just did Not process it :)

This alien who abducted me is apparently some sort of royalty? Like a Prince? Who Cares anyway they look like Freaks

ur about to get 40x smarter overnight u better get ready

doctor keeps offering to throw in a Free Lobotomy with every little procedure :/

oh yay i am technically a not alive thing like a golem or a fungus :)

doctor was feeling around and said whoa

doctor invented a whole new Organ, they're going to try putting one in me. she says they Gotta

open casket autopsy so my bereaved family can learn about Anatomy while they Mourn

(thinking about the Art) wow... Life is Beautiful... (thinking about the Artist) i think im gonna hurl

4 Billion Years Ago the surface of the Earth was all molten rock. Back then people probably lived really Hot lives

finding that Amulet of Luck is the Worst thing that Ever happened to me

seems like the whole world is out to get my Lucky Amulet... ever since I put it on I've been targeted from all sides

good job on the game dude I've been playing nonstop! do you feel guilty at all?

when I'm agitated I do breathing exercises to calm down. I hold my breath till I pass out

if you send electric into your brain it can make you feel strange

just had a crazy idea.... might be Life-Threatening.... if I never Post again you'll know that it Worked

if you call somebody and they dont pick up it should connect you to a random number instead

the ideal social media algorithm would stifle and suppress any kind of Post

i would like to make an announcement. so i guess first ill have to do something of significance

birds are best known for their ability to flap