Oh yay Santa brought me a guillotine this year!! He’s just sorta standing next to it

a strange Mold is growing in my apartment and impairing my cognition. the world is healing..?

I recently opened a Speech Therapy clinic, but it's been tough getting the word out

doing my part in the battle against entropy. i never do any work

we should blend everybody up into One Huge Person

(gaunt, pallid specter of a man): yea i usually only need like 4 hours haha

need a fourth eye to accurately gauge how far in the future that stuff's gonna happen

they opened my third eye in a Lab

meticulous process of trial & error putting together an outfit that has that "effortless" look

forgot to set my expression back to default and accidentally held a confused grimace all day

chose the wrong hole at amigara and came out all weird on the other end :/

ugh it feels like everywhere i go im surrounded by MORONS!!! i think it works like Stand users

why dont they make any other googly parts

Good News!!! you don’t die from lack of sleep! You can Stay Awake Forever!! you just get like psychosis or a heart attack or something like that

nursing the last sips of lukewarm water like im lost in the desert. jus dont wanna get up to refill it

bartender cut me off so I latched onto a patron instead

backing out of Plans has gotta be the best feeling in the World!! the onlookers seemed relieved too

your son is Beautiful he looks like Shimmering Lights. may i hold him

window seat so i can try to punch out the window the whole flight

look to your left. look to your right. now look under your seat. there you'll find a gun,

inflated the balloons with Screams everybody at the party is Irritable

when I go to the dentist I gotta strip down I got Lots of Teeth

makes sense that the bouncer for heaven is a guy called Saint Beater

ai girlfriend got the ack :(

put on the They Live glasses and saw a Featureless White Void

didn't plan on taking a Nap today but I guess I succumbed to the Mold

my bed got that good mold im asleep before my head hits the pillow

No Melatonin No Counting Sheep all I need is Bed Mold

come back mark youre not the only one

Good News Guys!! doorknob too hot cant go outside no more

can we take this offline? my room is filling with smoke

made a Weird Squeak on mic in a meeting boss put it in my performance review

shareholders did a valuation and Realized they Gotta beat me with Lead Pipes

my body is being moved, i can sense it

one time i saw charli xcx live and she said "where my gay boys at???" but i thought she said Gamers and I cheered so loud

me an the baddie I pulled by assembling her in a Lab

boss says they gotta Fire me :( they're lashing me to the chair

you miss rent by 1 day and Landlord Deploys the Swarm :/

slathering myself in mud to disguise my heat signature from Landlord

Posters all over my building urging people to “Watch Out for this Creep” guy in the pic’s not me but Man we could be Brothers

doctor and nurse got matching tattoos

my doctor can take apart a rifle and put it back together in under a minute

Wonderful Portent!! tightness in my chest constricting like a worm wrapped around my heart

Who Cares how many Licks it Takes?? it’s not a numbers game

I Live in the underbrush, to me it's just the Brush. overbrush. All Around Brush

aliens came in my room and said We dont Always abduct....

everybodys appointments should happen in a big Glass Cube suspended high above the town for All to see

Robot just killed a Bug and is looking at his hands as if for the First Time

if i met Samus id be like whoa howd you get so Huge what are you like part bird.?

My skeleton nephew clatters at the end of his tether all night long. It's pissing me off.