this must be edna mode’s least favorite vacation spot

there’s plenty of fish in the sea but i’m stuck in the middle of the pacific garbage patch

sorry i can’t go out tonight. i went out earlier today so now i have to spend the remainder of the evening under a blanket on the couch rubbing my feet together like a cricket

drove past my old local joann’s to discover it’s now a spirit halloween. please don’t contact me during this time of mourning

call that man a cash register the way he’s a POS

it’s only a valley girl voice if it comes from the san fernando valley region of california. otherwise, it’s just sparkling vocal fry

physical therapy 🤝 regular therapy a very nice woman pushing me to my absolute fucking limit because it’s good for me

i need craft stores to start staying open late because what else am i supposed to do when i run out of yarn in the middle of the night? go to sleep and finish my project in the MORNING? no thank you

rookie mistake! woman uses the bathroom at home right before a doctors appointment where she knows she’s gonna have to pee in a cup

as someone who doesn’t drink, i think i should be allowed to use my drink ticket for a food item that’s equal or lower price than a cocktail instead of just having to use it on a sprite 😤

tell me why the new liquid glass ios feature is giving sims 4 ghosts

just saw a magic show where bic transformed all their products into razors. not exactly what i expected when i bought tickets to see pen gillette

Time to post it again.

feet wide, arms out, can’t get in my personal space at this concert 😤

thanks autocorrect but i actually have never once meant to ask someone if they’re “licking me up later” or if we should take separate cars. i’ve always meant PICKING me up

calling myself “clean air pilled” instead of covid cautious to my gen z cousin bc im hip to the lingo

the fun part about having depression and a chronic illness is you can’t tell which one is causing your fatigue (the secret is it’s probably both and they’re making each other worse!)

just got caught smiling at my phone and had to admit it’s because my lock screen is a picture of my dog

This is the single most meaningful "sign" of good character. It demonstrates that the person 1) Actually cares about other people's health (And their own!) 2) Is willing to inconvenience themselves to practice their values 3) Believes in science 4) Doesn't need to be told to be a good person

this is probably an unpopular opinion but i actually think brands’ april fools posts are kinda fun! like yeah this “holiday” CAN be for you guys to let your social media managers be creative for the day

HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY I made this song for us ⭐️🩵🤍🩷

i know posting your daylist isn’t cool anymore but this one hurt

I drive around on my butt like a car :3

chappell, i love the new song its great but the random mens’ voices were a jumpscare

commercial: study at WGU me: worge geoshington university

in honor of today being presidents day let me be the first to say: feel like we could've dedicated this day to something else. little puppies in tuxedos perhaps

What better way to celebrate Valentine's day than to tell you the deluxe remastered version of my break up album is coming out? next Friday, 2/21 ❤️‍🔥😘

okay but have we considered that maybe i could have become stronger and wiser via softness and gentleness rather than “what didn’t kill me but sure as hell tried?”

big news: i discovered today that “shart” is an acceptable wordle word

no thoughts, just watching clumps of snow fall off the tree branches as they slowly melt now that the sun is up

nothing ruins the vibe of a cute person sitting next to you on the bus quite like them not wearing a mask 😔

Maybe 2 minutes before we were all kicked off.

one of the worst parts about being a fiber artist is when you put on an outfit and realize your WIP would go perfectly with it but it’s nowhere near done

we often forget newton’s fourth law: you will run into everybody you know at the store if you’re buying toilet paper. the bigger the pack, the more people you’ll see

there are like three different companies with three different products all called “aura” that have become staple podcast sponsors in the last month and it’s making me feel insane

thinking about changing my sexuality from bi so i can be POTS and pan

wow i can’t believe i responded to two of the probably dozens of messages ive been stressed about responding to and it was so easy! anyway now im exhausted and it’s time to sleep for a few days

wait my favorite search somehow didn’t show up in the screenshot. anyway it was “why are tomatoes so slippery”

i am a 26 year old woman

has anyone ever tried eating liquid iv like fun dip? and how was that? asking for a friend

⚠️new song alert⚠️ hi i just released my first song in 2 years and im a little nervous about it bc it’s been so long but i hope you all like it 💕 bit.ly/ilanalastlesson

i need my bluesky algorithm to figure out my love for dancing with the stars STAT

just saw an ad with a white man that i knew i recognized but couldn’t put my finger on who it was. turns out it was colin jost which is maybe the most colin jost answer that it could’ve been

i wonder if the museum curators recognized the irony that to see this quote, you not only have to pay $30 to get into the museum but an additional $7 to see the featured exhibit

i went here and everyone knew your ex boyfriend

now that more people are on here i just wanna say i think this deserved better than zero likes

i just have a few questions for target about the choice of wording on this shirt 😬

just remembered we’re about to be subjected to 4 more years of white male stand-up comics doing a mid trump impression in every set and got sad again

me downing a huge glass of iced water right before bed: 🥰 me realizing it means i’m gonna have to get up in the middle of the night to pee: 😔

too bad your ex don’t do it for ya, no pants winnie the pooh it for ya