Performing karaoke of the song Where's Your Head At while visiting the buried site of the Nosferatu director who had his skull grave robbed

Still holding out my opinions on the Epstein emails until I see what Ben Garrison has to say

Its late at night so time to scroll through Instagram and comment "youre so beautiful" on pictures of cats

Happy 15th anniversary

Back in 2016 I made an immature thing and typed down Curlypubes as my first name for a Trump event. Almost 10 years later they still email me

NYC starting 2026 baby

Pouring one out for Dick Cheney (Waterboarding)

Watching the Great Dictator and Hitler was buddies with WHO??? this guy is canceled

Reminder that most ghost sightings in homes are actually a result of carbon dioxide in your air so if you want the perfect haunted house leak that shit all over the place

This couple has been together for nearly 100 years and still keeps things interesting in the bedroom

Was going through old texts of unsaved numbers and one was from a woman 5 years ago who said she wouldn't go out with me because I graduated from an art school. She was a therapist and said those were all her worst clients. Ive never understood a rejection so well

Last weekend was No Kings this weekend is Yaas Queens amirite

Going to the buffet blindfolded and sticking my hands in all the items pretending Im feeling different body parts of a witch

All Im saying is that if you move one letter of the alphabet for each letter in the name HAL from space odyssey 2001 you get IBM but more importantly if you do it with George Bush's brother JEB you get KFC

Abducting guys with black framed glasses by telling them my van is the criterion closet

How it feels when people say happy birthday

What people dont know about Christopher Columbus is that he was a huge Garfield fan so by having his holiday be on a permanent Monday its our form of passive aggressive rebellion against his crimes

When I watch the American Pie Movies I only watch the Unrated version just as the director intended

Broke: investing money in AI Woke: investing in jack'o'lanterns

My favorite detail in star trek is that it implies humanity needed 300 years to fully understand the genius of Joe Piscopo and we just aren't advanced enough to get him yet

Ill give credit, the people who made this ad know exactly which fanbase needs therapy the most

Cant believe Tilly Norwood has already joined scientology and signed on for a Roman Polanski movie

Ive been waiting in line all week outside the sex robot store for its big opening

Right now the writing staff for the new simpsons movie is brainstorming how to have a callback to showing Bart's penis

Your boss right before asking you to work on a holiday

So are the comedians at the Riyadh Comedy Fest going to touch the orb?

Millenial Jon Arbuckle: Why do they call it an air fryer when you air fryer the cold food air out hot eat the food

Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again

None of this AI shit would be happening if you all had posted this on Facebook like we told you to

Poor Adam Carolla. He tried so hard to prove his comedy was offensive enough to be censored but failed miserably while his ex partner Kimmel got canceled without even trying

People will obsessively research all the boring pointless nerdy details about whatever a groyper is but when I recommend the complexity of deep space nine they say they dont have time for it

We're gonna find his manifesto and theres several paragraphs complaining about jiggle physics

Hey everyone. I just wanted to let you know that I have never taken Tylenol and am selling my sperm online at discount rates!

*Roddy Piper in They Live hands me sunglasses* Me: Do you have clip ons? I dont want to look dorky wearing these over my regular glasses

Look at this sickening violence in Chicago. Please send your schlubbiest national guards to stand on every street corner to protect us

If warner bros can use ai to expand the scenery in Wizard of Oz for the sphere then imagine what ai could do for the destroyed parts of Day The Clown Cried

My great grand pappy was a proud union buster and by celebrating labor day youre disrespecting his Pinkerton grave

Whenever someone says they are trying to have a lucid dream, they are saying they are trying to have a wet dream where they are God

Love it when the local murals look like 70s conspiracy book covers

My newest act is called Andrew Dice Claypool. We perform dirty nursery rhymes over primus cover songs. We've sold zero tickets

The economy is in shambles because nobody buys anymore. They dont buy anymore because companies are woke. People want to spend money again because the jeans lady gives the president a boner again. Its so obvious

The only thing I wanna watch on the Vegas Sphere

Average Ozzy Osbourne interview

Elmer Fudd is in bed with a beautiful woman, but she's sad. She says she feels all alone in the world. Elmer says, "The treatment is simple. The great bunny Bugs is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." And the woman bursts into tears. Says, "But Elmer...I am Bugs Bunny."

The new Air Bud sequel is the same premise as the Human Centipede sequel

Okay now Im really annoyed at my parents for not letting me go to Ozzfest when I was 14

Do you think the people editing the epstein video on premiere had to use tutorials on youtube