Same, buddy.

Today, Bea kept asking for "more Dave Grohl" (she loves the cover of The Storyteller) so I just gave up and put on Foo Fighters music videos.

I am such an AI curmudgeon at work. QUIT PUSHING THE AI. I AINT USING IT.

Lil Jon on the Toys R Us float is the vibe I aspire to bring to the function.

Thinkin bout pho

If you would've asked me two years ago if I ever imagined having a pho-loving 15 month old who LOUDLY demands "more! more!" broth, I would've told you "well yes, of course". (She is loudly demanding more broth as we speak)

I listened to the new Florence + The Machine album and was punched in the face and shot 57 times IN MY OWN HOME.

Just so everyone knows, I think Nugget couches are the best gaming seats.

No one really prepared me for the deep seated sense of failure you get as a parent when your child is sick on a holiday and you feel like you couldn't give them the holiday they deserved.

The rhinovirus has hit the Towers.

The number of half-eaten, abandoned baby cookies in random sofa crevices in this house is *wild*

Bea has learned Throw Stuff in Dog Water, which includes throwing her stuffed Bluey in there. And like... yes, correct Bluey IS a dog, baby BUT also pls do not waterboard your plushies.

Bea is cutting at least 2 canines at once (she won't let me see the top teeth), no one has slept in over a week, and work is relentless. We are doing *great*.

"but it's everywhere now so we just have to accept it's the new reality" motherfucker we can just stop putting it everywhere! we did it with asbestos and CFCs and lead-based paint or petrol and make-up with arsenic in it! if everyone is using something and it's bad, we can choose to stop!

Its about that time of year again. (Time to start a new BG3 playthrough and never finish it ❤️)

I wish there was some kind of baby product trial program. Signed, a mom who is just always overwhelmed with the amount of products to choose from on a budget.

Tom Clancy’s All-Hands Meeting

If I have to be responsible for ONE MORE THING at work this week I swear to god I will CRASH OUT.

Pre-game pep rally (Blasting Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet before waking the baby from her nap)

The birth rate is never going to rise until governments actually invest in women’s and children’s healthcare and rights but apparently no one likes hearing that.

Precisely this. Kirk was not engaging in actual discussion with anyone. His entire brand was baiting unprepared undergrads into providing content that he could heavily edit for use in advancing his audience's favored narrative fantasies about clueless kids.

Saw Soccer Mommy ✅️ Got a promotion today ✅️ Everything's coming up Millhouse.

Tonight was Mom's First Solo Night Out and I just want everyone to know that I was very brave about it.

LOOK OUT SOCCER MOMMY HERE I COME

I am genuinely so sad to miss Soccer Mommy in town tonight.

Chasing a cinnamon raisin bagel with some doritos, just to feel something.

When I die, I want UPS to lower me into the ground so they can let me down *one last time*.

One thing about me is - if I have a spare 5 minutes (or even if I don’t) on the way to something I don’t wanna do, I’m gonna be getting myself a coffee treat about it (this is why I am usually late) (I’m on my way to an oil change and making myself late getting coffee)

JJK SEASON 3 TRAILER LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO (straight 2 hell bc it is The Culling Games arc)

When I start to feel down on myself or overwhelmed these days, I just remind myself - I beat Radahn on the first try. Then, I honestly feel a whole lot better. That’s kind of a big deal.

I am SUPER behind on the ins and outs of upgrading phones (on an iPhone 11, currently) but I am trying to, and I HATE THAT YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING THROUGH AN APP?!

Took a very mild muscle relaxer and am finally getting a better picture of just exactly how massively clenched my entire body stays.

The siren song of a z-flip has been calling my name since the BTS commercials and my iPhone is being such a DUMB BITCH and not helping me *not* want to throw it into the SUN.

I didn’t think I’d be cryin singing Happy Birthday to my one year old, but hot damn, nothing prepares you for that moment.

I have been awake since 12:30am with no sleep in sight and I am dead and dying.

I forgot to take *all my meds* in the chaos of the morning and I cannot form one single coherent thought that doesn’t immediately evaporate and become useless. I am become Lizard meme.

Me watching Frieren outro: “Nothing can hurt me more than this.” Me watching the mid-season outro change-up: “OH GOD IT GOT WORSE.”

Why does my cat’s breath smell like pee pee and poo poo, but his fur (which he cleans with his mouth) smell like sunshine and snuggles?

Cryin almost everyday thinking about Bea turning one next week. I’m not SAD it’s just a BIG DEAL.

Trespooping (Changing Bea’s poop diaper in the trunk in a “no trespassing” lot by accident)

I beg of Ms. Rachel, pls make a toddler lunch box.

kermies #art

Christopher Reeve advertising camcorders in 1989, culminating in THE GREATEST SLOGAN OF ALL TIME

Bea has been carrying Chainsaw Man volume 2 around (the one with Power on the cover/Meowy on the back) all morning and I just needed to share this information.

The mere concept of Jojo Siwa is so fucking embarrassing to me.

ADHD is wild because on the one hand you will never pay your bills on time and the laundry takes on a Sisyphean quality but on the other hand it grants you the ability to learn everything about a subject in six months and see The Pattern Linking All Things

It’s 10:30pm and my fuckass neighbors decide NOW IS THE TIME to try to recreate a Disney World firework show. KISS MY NUTS, GO TO BED!!!

Victory lap (Eating cookie dough while laying completely flat in bed after getting the baby back to sleep)

God bless Michael’s coupons and rewards. (Got $60 worth of yarn for $25)