My entire body hurts from a full day of live music on Saturday. #dadbod

Action Bronson narrating my life right now: High on mushrooms in the back of a Hyundai listening to Hamilton

Hello in laws spice rack, good morning to you

Getting wildly stoned and trying to act normal around my in laws is my guilty pleasure

The knife my MIL took out for me to cut skirt steak

the blackest thing you can do today is hire me

“What do you want for Father’s Day?” To tailgate all day with friends without responsibility until I need to take a nap. Is that too much to ask?

I am once again asking the universe... how can I get quaaludes?

20 years ago today was my first Disco Biscuits show at Bonnaroo. 190 some odd shows later and a lot has changed. Made some lifelong friends and had some wild times along the way. Forever grateful for the community I met that one weird night in Tennessee 😘

Pretty sure he’s still mad she kept her maiden name, Xo, instead of being Mrs. Roll

nobody talks about the supersonic fuckin hearing you get when your toddler moves into a big bed. every creak in the floor, every whistle in the brush, I hear everything. and that motherfucker still sneaks into my room at 4am undetected lookin like chucky tapping my forehead “is it time to get up?”

This is one of the things that annoys me about Jordan vs Kobe vs LeBron. What was the dynasty during the Jordan era? Jordan's Bulls What was the dynasty during the Kobe era? Kobe's Lakers What was the dynasty during the LeBron era? Steph's Warriors www.youtube.com/shorts/Gtlwn...

Think they’re worried it’s gonna be empty af?

The Knicks made a miraculous comeback every game I fell asleep early this finals. #yourewelcomeNY

Way too high on edibles. Gonna go float in the pool, drink heady IPAs, and listen to Steely Dan about it

Today is going to be a great day… to pretend to work and then hit the beach early

what are the odds on kalshi for trump plaza burning down if the knicks lose the series?

wemby with the first kick of the world cup

My mayor is Muslim, my bagel is Jewish, my Christian Dior, Knicks down 24

Streets outside msg gonna follow that motorcade til it gets to NJ if the Knicks lose. Trump will be banished from nyc forevermore

Sign it please www.change.org/p/no-ai-data...

i just called my wife's butt a "turd churner" and i am now single. hi.

Post it I dare you

Took amphetamines and cleaned my house for literally 10 hours #accomplished #proudboy

Rome Odunze will be the best WR on the Bears this season www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWEd...

I miss searching for things and finding relevant articles instead of clickbait bullshit videos

Ian Hartitz: 141 seconds of ridiculous Caleb Williams throws

My favorite type of corporate speak: “Here’s some bad news but let me tell you how it’s actually good!” /s

*ignoring sign that says “please take one” and dumps entire bowl of halloween candy from porch into pillow sack* *gives one piece to younger sibling* “Look mommy, I’m so generous!” “You sure are, my special boy!”

Not #1 but hell yeah I’ll take it 🥳

I would really like it if the Bulls got lucky in the lottery today

💯

Don’t know why the timeline is talking about hacky sacks but I got detention in high school for sliding around the roof of the building while retrieving a hacky sack in winter. Then got detention again for hitting on the lady in charge of detention while serving detention. Good times.

Based on draft capital + expected rookie usage, here’s what data says about Jeremiah Love vs Jadarian Price in Year 1 fantasy output. 
Not a talent take, simply a role + system take. 🧵⬇️
#RunningBacks #NFLDraft #RookieRBs

3.5yo wanted to learn to make ribs. How’d he do?

What’s your gaming hot take? First person shooters are worse now than they were 20 years ago (This might land here on boomer bluesky)

What’s the best movie I probably haven’t seen available to stream somewhere right now?

Breece Hall’s contract situation with the New York Jets is one I’m actively monitoring. The Jets used the non‑exclusive franchise tag, and Breece Hall’s timeline matters. #RBguy Thread👇

Feel bad for the dude who’s gotta flip burgers in there for a whole shift

First Dynasty rookie draft of 2026 is in the books. SF TEP rate my haul: 2026 1st Rd - 1.04 - Carnell Tate 2026 1st Rd - 1.09 - KC Concepcion 2026 2nd Rd - 2.03 - De'Zhaun Stribling 2026 2nd Rd - 2.09 - Demond Claiborne 2026 3rd Rd - 3.01 - Oscar Delp 2026 3rd Rd - 3.10 - Eli Raridon

Bears fans, here's all you need to know about Logan Jones: He won the Rimington Award for the best Center in college football. Chicago got a good one.

So aside from Jadarian Price, all the landing spots for fantasy football kinda suck, huh?

Quinshon Judkins suffered a season-ending dislocated right ankle and fractured fibula 12/21/25. Despite the nature of the injury, reports noted it was a "best-case scenario" as there was no ligament damage or knee injury (such as an ACL tear) involved. #RBguy

Verizon agent getting lit on 4/20

Today was a good day

When loving your dining room set goes too far

Gang gang! Let's go! #SFB16

"ratings are plummeting. we've gotta get McAfee off the air, quick buy out rich eisen!" *buys NFL netowrk* "dude I told you to buy out his contract, not the whole damn company!"