Cursed by some sort of minor deity or a witch so that my favorite eyeliner, lipstick and lip gloss all run out at the same time 🥺🙃 (curse removals via sephora gift card are welcome)

Not to brag or anything but last night he ate my p*ssy for a solid 40 minutes straight without coming up for air once 💅 🥇 Take notes, people

I’m planning a Springtime visit to NYC but am on the fence about precise dates - thinking flexibly in the neighborhood of either 3/25-3/31 or 4/7-4/12. At this point I could be pretty easily swayed in one direction or another by the right date pitches in my inbox, just saying 👀 💐 ✈️

Due to Amazon’s bullshit/deeply unsurprising new privacy policy, I’ll be deleting my wishlist & switching to the GOAT of wishlist services, @marigoldgift.bsky.social in late March. So, y’know… if my Amazon list got cleared in the next 3 weeks I wouldn’t be upset… www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/...

Wanna be workout buddies? (This is a double entendre)

Spring has sprung, baby 😇✨

Every day I go to a coffee shop to do some admin and every day I remember once I get to the coffee shop that “doing some admin” means that I am just editing my nudes in a public space

Hi 😇

I’ve been being so so brave about waiting for Pillion to finally be screening near me, I deserve some kind of award

Over 30 sex workers thread! Quote with a pic and your age. 🍒 32, I just keep getting hotter tbh 🍒

Woke up feeling pretty under the weather 🤧 🤒 If we had plans this weekend, I’ve reached out about rescheduling! I’ll be resting up in bed with a good book - well wishes in the form of UberEats for pho and snacks (addressed to [email protected]) are super appreciated! Xoxo 🍲 🤒

👼🏻💕 😌

Happy Valentine’s from me, a certified lover girl 💌💘

Cried my eyes out at the halftime show last night. God bless Benito 😭🥹🇵🇷

Hearing someone tell me on our first date that they felt a little nervous to reach out to me (side note: the best/most thoughtful inquires usually come from these people) is very endearing because the reward for vulnerability is connection ☄️💫

When he honors your cancellation fee *and* sends you and your bestie out for dinner 😮‍💨 🥵

Missing my short hair a ton lately. What do you think, should I do the chop? 🧚🏻

Table for 2 🦪 🥂

Just remembered I have free will and an espresso machine in my kitchen so now I’m having an affogato

Thrilled to be finally getting around to setting up a dedicated craft/work space in my back room, something I’ve had on my to-do list forever! I’ve added a few organizational/home items to my wishlist for those who’d like to help me make this creative space as dreamy as possible 🙏🧶🪡🎨

Chloë is one of my dearest friends - quick witted and incredibly warm and charming. And obviously don’t get me started on her goddess-tier rack. Please give her a warm welcome to Bluesky!

Take a picture, it’ll last longer

I do not desire to be online (in general + living in constant threat of having accounts suspended) I would *much* rather spend time with you in person. Send a note, book a date, put your phone away and feel those first date butterflies fill you up as we approach each other for the first time.

Making boys blush with my bestie Malia - reach out if you’d like to get in between us!

Just putting it out there that Saint-Germain has reservations available for both Thursday and Saturday of this week…. pls give me something to look forward to while I chip away at redesigning my website

Spot the Girl With Mysterious Source of Income

Manifesting a FMTY inquiry in my mailbox to somewhere where “windchill” is not part of the vocabulary 🏝️ 🌺

Well, here we go again, let’s see how long this one lasts 🙄

Finally started the Dark Tower series and now that’s all I can think about 😮‍💨

Sooo happy to be back home in New Orleans after a super fun NYC visit! Louisiana honeys, let’s make some fun plans to welcome me back ❤️

Nothing like coming home to some little treats from my wishlist waiting for me ❤️🙈

Here I am in Babushka Mode to let you know that I’d love to get taken to brunch or lunch this Thursday or Friday in NYC. You know what to do ;)

This morning’s interiors ✨

NYC: I’ve arrived and I’m craving some fresh uni and a soak at Aire. Let’s make plans? (Long distance admirers: you can still send me to soak my chilly self at Aire via gift card, just saying 😘)

Miss me? Enjoying my silly little thirst traps and thoughts? Want to make a special impression before we meet? I just updated my wishlist with some little treasures… marigoldgift.com/averysimonex...

Anyway - the best way to keep up with me for now is either here or via my Substack (really loving that app so far!). Please send thoughts and prayers and wishlist treats during this difficult time of grief.

The Reaper (X’s terms and conditions) comes for us all. RIP my twitter account 🙃🙃🙃🙃

Dirty martini / dirty mind 🫒🧚🏻

🖕🏻🧊♾️

Sure, you could send her roses, but a weekly CSA share of unique arrangements from a local flower farm?! top tier 😮‍💨 🥵

NYC boyfriends : my dance card is almost full, but I still have some availability on Thursday 1/15 and Friday 1/16. Omakase and chill?

Red rum

Baby’s first Substack post 😘 substack.com/@averysimone...

My NYC dance card is filling up quick, but I still have availability for a dinner date on 16th or a little afternoon getaway on the 14/15. Lately I’ve been dying to check out Jungsik, Saga, or the Office of Mr. Moto 👀 Philly boyfriends: I could be lured your way by the right date pitch on the 17th😘

Stepping into 2026 as God intended ✨ Thank you, R, for giving me the princess treatment for our first date 💕

2026 Ins: Generous spirits Spin the bottle Analogue media Fucking back 2am wishlist notifications MFM bookings Tipping 50% Owning a tamagotchi Outs: AI apologists Burrata “Avail now?” The gentrification of tinned fish “Unhinged” when you actually mean just like a lil’ kooky

Alright, last chance before the year is over to confess your crush on me. (Just kidding, you can actually also confess it in 2026, preferably over a shared bottle of something nice in a dimly lit restaurant)

🍒 NYC 🍒 JANUARY 13-17 🍒 I’ll show you my extensive list of restaurants I’ve been meaning to try if you show me yours 😉

I’ve migrated my newsletter on over to Subst@ck (same username as here). I’ll be posting occasional little musings and pics as well as upcoming travel plans - keep your eyes peeled for a little something from me over the next day or so (and a NYC travel announcement for January!)

If you’ve enjoyed my online or IRL presence this year (or both!), it’s not too late to play Santa btw 🎁 👀