I have never, in hundreds & hundreds of sessions, met a trauma survivor who wanted to be "rescued." I HAVE met hundreds of survivors who wanted to be seen & supported in rescuing themselves-- & caring for the past version of themselves who actually did need rescuing at one time.

The fact that CPTSD often occurs alongside many physical illnesses & injuries does NOT mean those physical problems are "psychosomatic" or "caused" by CPTSD-- but that the experience of pain, illness, & "treatment" is often a complex stressor in our culture.

When we clamp down & try to keep ourselves from crying when we really need to, we're sending a message to our nervous system that it's not okay to feel what we feel & need what we need-- which is exactly what our bullies & abusers would want. F*ck that (& them).

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It shouldn't have been on you as a kid to figure out how to reach out for help or express your pain in ways that would get appropriately responded to by the adults in your life. It WAS on them to not punish or embarrass you for reaching out or expressing yourself.

Making time to rest, recharge, & feel good is not "unproductive," any more than the time for bread to rise or a caterpillar to metamorphose in its cocoon is "unproductive." Realistic trauma recovery requires time to "bake," "rise," & transform. Accept it & invest that time.

Maybe our "parts" aren't "overreacting." Maybe they remember & feel things we don't, consciously, anyway-- & they can't understand why we're not reacting as strongly as they are. Assume your "parts" are reacting proportionately to SOMETHING-- something they need your support w/.

To create a life worth living, we're gonna have to take some risks that we wouldn't have taken when survival was our sole objective. That's gonna feel dangerous to "parts" of us that are solely dedicated to our survival-- & we need to honor their concern, even as we move forward.

You are not "weak" for having developed addictive or self destructive coping patterns-- you did what you could w/ the resources you had, to manage your highly sensitive nervous system & survive a sh*t show of a traumagenic environment. No shame. Just do the next right thing.

Happy Rapture Day to all who celebrate 💋

It's also not as simple as "CPTSD is trauma that started or happened in childhood." Adults are absolutely vulnerable to CPTSD-- and adults are no more to blame for their CPTSD than children are.

Whatever it is-- breathe into it. Not w/ a gasp or a gulp; w/ a smooth, even draw, in, out. Easy does it, no pressure, no rush. Breathing won't solve all our problems-- but it's inextricably entwined w/ the specific problem of somatic dysregulaton. Frame breathwork as one tool.

Because we're able to use what we've been through to help others doesn't mean we're "healed." Helping others isn't a cheat code to speed run trauma recovery. Helping others can be PART of our recovery-- IF we continue to do our own work, day by day, hour by hour.

Sylvia Plath

For those of you playing on Steam Deck, Baldur’s Gate 3 now also features a native Steam Deck build! Running natively on the platform, you should now see a better framerate, lower loading times, and smoother gameplay 🙌

Hotfix #34 is now live! You'll no longer turn into a floating torso when talking with Ketheric’s dog, the Apostle of Myrkul will stop regaining hit points when you load a save mid-combat, and we've attempted to save you from some annoying crashes. Read all about it: larian.club/Hotfix34

Good vibes so I get an appointment at the OCD clinic

I went to my meeting last night and in the post meeting conversation one guy tried to yuck it up with me about how "the masons don't control the world, go down the street to the synagogue for that!" I couldn't think of anything clever so I just went "hm really?"

I prayed for my mom's healing last night and promised I would join the Catholic church if she was healed . Daddy says she is feeling better 2day so I just sent an email to the faith coordinator at my local parish

It is not an "excuse," or our fault, that our nervous system was busy keeping us alive & relatively "safe" during those years we should have been building our sense of self; and there is absolutely no shame in having to start now in figuring out who we are & what we're all about.

Baby steps are how realistic progress is made. If we hear those words, "baby steps," & think we're being condescended to, it often means we've been conditioned to believe we're somehow "beyond" making incremental gains-- & that idea poisons realistic recovery. Don't fall for it.

The point of CPTSD recovery is not that we "have" to have relationships to recover. Safe relationships CAN be a tool of recovery for many-- but that doesn't mean introverts are screwed. Recovery looks different for different survivors, truly. Don't despair or get intimidated.

What a great moment right now to check in w/ yourself, w/ your "parts," w/ your body, & with your daily recovery micro goals. How're you doing? What do you need? How's your breathing? It's never the wrong time to breathe, blink blink blink, recenter, & refocus. Easy does it.

I went ahead and cancelled the trip, nothing was coming together quickly enough and I'm back to not sleeping at night because I have crying fits. I talked to my best friend last night and it was good but I also don't feel super changed or different.

You deserve the certainty that, no matter what happens, you will be safe inside your own head & heart-- that no perceived "failure" or embarrassment will "make" you turn on your "parts" or abandon your inner child. That you are safe with you-- no questions asked.

“The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.” — Nahum 1:7

We may not like or approve of all our reflexive feelings & behaviors-- but we CAN always commit to RESPONDING to them in ways we DO like & approve of, that ARE consistent w/ our values, & that DO support the life we're trying to create & the person we're working to become.

Remember: people who are committed to denial are going to call you "negative" for seeing what you see, knowing what you know, & having normal human reactions to all of it. See that label for what it actually is-- evidence of THEIR anxiety or immaturity.

Me: anyway, Cody had the personality of marshmallow fluff, so hearing him *actually growling* at something for the first time was enough to stir me to consciousness and I stumble downstairs to see a fucking black bear sitting at my kitchen table. Chat: ON THE TABLE? Me: no, in a chair like a people

I look forward to my appointment on Monday because I need someone who can tell me what is going on in my brain.

In a landmark win for abuse survivors, “Trey’s Law” took effect Sept. 1 in Texas and Missouri—banning the use of nondisclosure agreements in civil sexual assault settlements and, in Texas, releasing survivors from existing NDAs. julieroys.com/treys-law-is...

he’s a gamer

Remind yourself: acknowledging a behavior as a trauma response isn't an "excuse" or "cop out." It's calling it what it is, so we can realistically change it-- while honoring the wound it's trying to protect. Trauma survivorship is never, ever about "excuses."

I have been up and down on a seesaw all week and now I'm wondering "is this a personality disorder" My therapist will have her work cut out for her

RIP Mark Volman, founding member of The Turtles and one half of Flo & Eddie (pictured here - Mark is on the left, Howard Kaylan on the right). I was fortunate enough to do some of my very first live performances as an opening act for Flo & Eddie in 1983 at the Bottom Line in NYC.

My next appointment is Monday, I need to talk to my therapist and figure out what the hell is happening

Do not shame yourself for reflexively shaming yourself. That reflexive shame is a symptom, not a choice. That doesn't mean we don't work to change it-- it means we meet it w/ compassion, patience, & understanding of where it comes from. Grace over guilt.

I think I'm at a crossroads in my life and that's why I feel so unmoored

Me for the past 5 years. Unreal experience...

A very common experience of CPTSD survivors who are really working our recovery is that we have an increasingly hard time connecting w/ people who are not doing their own recovery or shadow work. We just no longer have bandwidth for people who aren't willing or able to be real.

I p*ked today and felt better

Sustainable CPTSD recovery isn't "unrealistic" for you. But it does frighten & overwhelm "parts" of you that have been shamed & punished in the past for telling the truth & trying to break out of old patterns. We can hold & soothe them-- even as we work our recovery today.

they sit

You are not weird or weak for worrying. Worrying is very normal human behavior. Don't shame yourself for worrying-- but also remember, the intensity of our worry gets spiked by our past. That doesn't make our worries "invalid"-- it means we need to meet them w/ perspective.

Shout out to every trauma survivor reading this who is choosing a life path that the people who happen to share our name & DNA neither understand nor approve of. If they don't get it, that's probably a good sign.

We work our CPTSD recovery because there are things we were meant to experience in life without hating or doubting ourselves. Recovery is not about "the past" or "blame"-- it's about creating a present & future we can realistically shape & experience without the past haunting us.