I actually don’t have a lot of experience attending concerts sober, & @writemeganwrite.bsky.social has never even been to a concert before, but we promised we’d hold each others’ hand and be brave at the MIKA show tonight.

One of the most underrated trauma recovery hacks is to work our recovery hour by hour, & focus on self talk. That may seem like weak sauce, but it's powerful. How we actually communicate w/ ourselves subtly shapes our feelings, beliefs, & choices, hour by hour, day by day.

One of Trauma Brain's favorite scams is getting us to kick the sh*t out of ourselves w/ "jokes." Jokes are great-- but "jokes" that consistently leave us feeling like garbage can set back our recovery. Don't fall for that trick.

Many trauma survivors feel "allergic" to setting goals & envisioning a future-- but for trauma recovery to be realistic & sustainable, we absolutely need to give our brain something to chew on other than the past.

Realistic trauma recovery doesn't start w/ telling yourself you "shouldn't" be feeling & experiencing what you are-- it starts w/ affirming what you're feeling makes sense, & what you're experiencing deserves acknowledgement. Don't try to build a recovery on self-rejection.

Sustainable trauma recovery requires us to protect our energy like it's currency-- because it is. We cannot afford to "overspend" our energy, or to blow it on stupid sh*t we'll regret "buying" later. Energy budgeting & discipline is a nonnegotiable, daily recovery skillset.

You do not have to be a "good kid" to "deserve" safety & support. Truth is, our trauma reactions often lead us to do & say things "good kids" might not-- if you know, you know-- but that has zero to do w/ whether we are "worthy" of compassion & care.

CPTSD feels like the decision making centers of our brain were hijacked & replaced by a burlap sack full of feral raccoons-- & we have to pretend to everyone around us that we're fine, everything is fine, no raccoons in here, why would you ask about feral raccoons? 🦝

Sustainable trauma recovery means asking the Recovery Supporting Question (RSQ) every day: what did my past self need most, & how can I realistically meet that need now in the choices I make today? It's not an abstract or hypothetical RSQ-- it's a concrete recovery tool.

We're not realistically recovering from CPTSD w/o getting real & specific about what we're avoiding, past & present. That used to scare me & piss me off-- until it just became a daily part of my trauma recovery blueprint. Turns out we get better at stuff w/ practice & patience.

I f*cking hated the word "addiction." My father was an addict. "Weaklings" & "idiots" & "monsters" were addicts. It took me a long time & a lot of drama to truly accept that addiction & trauma are inextricably entwined-- & I was not the exception.

That urge to hide, either hide yourself completely, hide out from the world, or hide parts of you that feel shameful or "unforgivable"-- that's trauma conditioning f*cking w/ you. Hiding is not "safe" the way we think it is. Real internal safety doesn't actually require hiding.

Being honest w/ ourselves in trauma recovery means giving up the bullsh*t attacks we've learned to launch against ourselves for being human & vulnerable. That sh*t's not "honest." That's us doing our bullies' & abusers' dirty work for them in our own head. F*ck that.

Your feelings about & reactions to others' complete lack of respect for your boundaries is not "the problem"-- but they'll try, hard, to make you believe that. Remind yourself: you get to have feelings. You get to have reactions. You being human was never "the problem."

Trauma survivors often feel shame for being confused. There is nothing shameful about being confused or not understanding something. There is no shame in asking questions. Asking questions is how we learn & change & recover. Questions are beautiful. Ask more of them.

The things I see most consistently missing from survivors' trauma recovery blueprint are patience & self-compassion. We've truly been conditioned to believe we'll change in positive ways by kicking h sh*t out of ourselves-- but we won't.

If we really want our trauma recovery routines & rituals to change our nervous & endocrine systems, we have to create time to do them every day-- which sucks, since we don't want to think about this sh*t at all. But there's no way around it. Consistency creates realistic change.

Catching how we're talking to ourselves & responding to our daily struggles is a core discipline in realistic trauma recovery. Brilliant insights & therapy "breakthroughs" won't matter if we're ripping ourselves in our head the minute we walk out of our therapy appointment.

Anything that makes it easier to consistently think about things we like & that support our safety & stability is a potential trauma recovery tool. Real recovery is about how we feel & function in the world-- not some theory that looks great on paper but doesn't help us live.

This might sound weird, but it's true: developing our capacity to experience less tension & more presence & enjoyment while we're eating is a powerful trauma recovery hack. Food & eating are wired in to more triggers & feelings than most people understand. We can't neglect them.

Self compassion doesn't mean we approve of or love everything we've ever said or done. It means we're willing to give ourselves a new chance today-- because we're interested in actual accountability & amends, not bullsh*t shame & self-punishment that miss the point & help no one.

Hey. This is a reminder that just because you are anxious doesn't mean you are not doing the work. All around the world right now survivors are doing the work & changing their nervous system, little bit by little bit-- & they're anxious AF in the moment. It's okay. You're okay.

Reminder that nothing anyone else is struggling with makes your struggle any less real or any less painful. Don't get distracted or derailed by what you know or imagine their journey has been. You stay focused on what you're doing & what you need today.

Don't think of trauma recovery as just responding to symptoms. It's also-- & more importantly-- about getting clear & realistic about our needs & nurturing our relationship w/ ourselves. To me real trauma recovery is about life development & goal achievement, not just "coping."

You & I are not perfect, & you bet we've made some boneheaded choices in the past that set our trauma recovery back. No shame. It happens. We don't deserve to be punished for stumbling or struggling-- that does zero good for anyone. Easy does it. Just do the next right thing.

Nobody reading this is the "perfect" victim or survivor-- & that fact has f*ck all to do w/ whether you deserve safety, support, & understanding. (You do.)

Trauma recovery is only for those who are sick & f*cking tired of playing pretend-- w/ their family of origin, w/ the world, & w/ their own bullsh*t trauma programming.

Woking to recover from trauma is not about deciding that what happened was "okay" or "doesn't matter anymore." It's about realistically developing patterns of self talk, mental focus, & physiology that support us in feeling & doing things we actually want to feel & do, today.

Do therapy for as long as it's a useful tool for you & you can afford it. But don't fall into the trap of believing that the "only" way you can stay safe or stable or continue to work your trauma recovery is through therapy. Therapy is a recovery tool, but never your only one.

Everything that you are struggling w/ makes sense, whether or not you can connect the dots at this moment. You are not "crazy." You are injured, emotionally "sunburned"-- but what you need is figure-outable. Breathe; blink; focus.

Giving ourselves sh*t for not being further along in this trauma recovery process than we are has never, not once, resulted in feeling or functioning better. We are where we are & we need what we need. No shame. Get realistic & compassionate about what you need today.

It's true, we shouldn't have to navigate interactions w/ certain family members like we're stepping through a minefield-- but we do. The fact we "shouldn't have to" doesn't change that fact. Realistically prep for those interactions. Go in w/ a strategy & tools. Safety first.

You're not going to fail. You're going to figure it out.

People, organizations, & institutions that are unwilling or unable to acknowledge your experience, feelings, & needs are not serious about being part of your trauma recovery. You will not have to beg or scramble for validation from your real recovery supports.

Profound philosophical realizations about why our nervous system is vulnerable to melt downs won't do us much good when we're melting the f*ck down in the moment. Easy does it-- breathe, & focus in on supportive, pre-scripted self talk. Get through this minute. Be there for you.

I understand self-talk won't solve all our trauma problems or symptoms. It's not supposed to. But we're not going to solve those problems or manage those symptoms if we're talking to ourselves like our bullies & abusers did. Supportive self talk is a necessary starting point.

Doing something today that you like, for no other reason than you like it, is important to your trauma recovery. Pleasure, fun, & meaning matter when the goal is actually wanting to live. They are survival tools, for EVERY survivor. Do not, do not, do not neglect them.

I need you to remember that CPTSD is an unreliable narrator-- but also a CONVINCING narrator. Trauma will dramatize its sh*tty narrative about how you suck in such seductive ways, that remembering it's actually full of sh*t is a big ask. But do remember: it IS full of sh*t.

Be frustrated, be pissed, about the fact you're not great at emotional regulation or managing your money or being on time or whatever. You get to have feelings about it all. And: give yourself credit & grace for the fact you're working on it. You DON'T deserve to be punished.

Reclaim language your abusers took from you. They don't get to gatekeep sh*t.

I don't care how lucky you've gotten in your life-- at last some of the steps you've taken & the progress you've made is due to your intelligence & work. CPTSD is going to try to tell you you've "never" taken a "real" step forward, but that's just not true. You have.

The trick to shaking out of a "freeze" response is to relax into it-- the harder you try to push your way out of it, the more paralyzing it'll get-- & then start w/ the teeniest, tiniest movement you can manage. Wiggle your pinkie or big toe. Then let that little movement spread.

I don't care how big the project is: it reduces down to something manageable this hour, this minute. CPTSD wants you to believe because you can't eat the whole elephant in one bite, it's un-eatable. That's not true. Just break it down to what you can nibble-able this minute.

Recovery Supporting Question (RSQ): What would make it feel 1% safer to NOT do this self-sabotaging thing that I've been convinced I "have" to keep doing? What would realistically need to happen for me to not do it? We hang on because it's safe, not because we "like" it.

Remember that trauma recovery is a daily intentional process. Some days will be easier than others. Some days will suck like a Hoover. But we're making purposeful changes in our nervous & endocrine systems here, & that requires consistency-- especially on the sh*t days.

The story we tell ourselves about who we are & what we're all about impacts our focus, our motivation, & our mood, 24/7/365. We can't leave a variable as potentially transformative-- or destructive-- as our story to chance. We need to purposefully shape & edit our story, daily.

Trauma Brain wants you to move through today on autopilot, not intentionally choosing your self talk, mental focus, or physiology. It wants you on autopilot because it makes you reactive, easier to control. It's harder for trauma to ruin your life if you're present & purposeful.

Making the choices we have to make to realistically recover from trauma every day, every hour, is a pain in the ass. That's why autopilot is seductive to us. We're tired & annoyed. But letting trauma continue to kick our ass won't make us less tired or annoyed. So recovery it is.

Having to put more energy & skill into emotional regulation than other people do sucks. We don't have to pretend it doesn't. And, we also don't have to get up in our head about "I'm not gonna do this because I shouldn't have to." We can acknowledge the suck-- & do the thing.

You don't "have" to work a trauma recovery. You don't "have" to do anything. If you're reading this you've likely been exposed to more coercion in your life than most humans-- & you're not going to recover through pressure & shame. Start when you're ready-- when it's a choice.