In this episode, Morgan Bassichis and I talk about giving and receiving feedback directly as a way to build relationships, and prevent conflict from escalating to destructive and disorganizing levels.

Grateful to Ciro for animating this clip from the recent episode where Morgan Bassichis and I talk about how to deescalate a crush. You can watch the episode on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

The second edition of Mutual Aid is coming out on March 31 from @versobooks.bsky.social

Thrilled to share this conversation with Shira Hassan, a brilliant writer, organizer, facilitator, and friend who has influenced harm reduction and transformative justice work, and my own thinking and practice, for decades.

Preorder the second edition of Mutual Aid, out March 31st. I wrote a new section about what I learned about mutual aid since 2020 and updated various sections of the book. Preorder here: store.deanspade.net We also have shirts, hoodies, mugs, and totes! All proceeds go to support the podcast.

A new review of LIAFUW is coming out in Daughters! Daughters is a magazine featuring over 35 incarcerated voices speaking to conditions of confinement with interviews, essays, poetry, legal news, legislative updates, and art! To support their work, subscribe here: docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1F...

Crushes can be fun and enlivening, but sometimes they are ill-timed or ill-suited, and it can be hard to shake them off. In this episode, Morgan Bassichis and I discuss one of the most popular tools from Love in a F*cked Up World the book: 7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush.

Here are a few thoughts about confidentiality and conflict, and in other news, I'm teaching a class about romcoms, consent, and the romance myth with Mia Schacter (@consent.wizardry) Wednesdays and Sundays, December 3-14, 11am-1pm PT / 2–4pm ET. Sign up at consentwizardry.com/guiltypleasure

How do you know if you should leave an organizing group or collaboration you are part of? Morgan Bassichis and I talk this through in this video, and you can watch the whole episode on youtube or listen wherever you get podcasts.

Kelly Hayes’ writing and her Movement Memos Podcast episodes about AI have been immensely useful to me and I recommend them. In this clip from our recent conversation, Kelly talks about how AI is emerging in a context of alienation and dehumanization.

In this excerpt from my interview with Mariame Kaba, I talk about how avoidance is a reasonable response to a coercive society, but also can get in our way when it becomes a habit. Watch the whole episode on Youtube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

@jessicalanyadoo.bsky.social is back answering more listener questions on Part 2 of this AMA episode! Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch the full episode on YouTube.

In this clip from my recent conversation with David Palumbo-Liu, we talk about the difference between identifying behavior in others and identifying it in ourselves. Listen to the whole episode of Speaking Out of Place wherever you get your podcasts.

Thank you to @zahrastardust.bsky.social for this beautiful review of Love in a F*cked-Up World in @overlandjournal.bsky.social. "Soft and fierce, utopian and practical, inscribed with beauty and strength, Love in a F*cked Up World is both an intervention and a guidebook."

Episode 10 is out! In this episode, I talk to Kelly Hayes, the brilliant journalist and organizer whose writing and podcast so many of us rely on to make sense of the world. Watch on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

Join me in Linz, Austria for a mutual aid workshop tomorrow 12-6pm with maiz! Attendance is free and you can register at their website: www.maiz.at/de/bereiche/...

In this clip from Episode 9 of Love in a F*cked Up World, the podcast, the brilliant Weyam Ghadbian talks about whether the prevalence of insecure attachment might stem from the widespread forced displacement generations of people have experience because of colonialism, war, and ecological crisis.

The Berlin Poly Meetup is hosting me for a discussion of Love in a F*cked-Up World on Oct 26. Please join as at 5pm at Lovelite! ❤️

Morgan Bassichis introduced me to the idea that intentionally generating bad ideas for impossible actions, bad poetry, bad writing can loosen the rigid, critical mind that impedes our creativity. Find more content like this and join the conversation on patreon.com/deanspade.

Shuli Branson recently invited me on The Breakup Theory podcast to talk about a listener letter from someone who had a difficult experience with a community accountability process and was left feeling isolated and defeated. You can listen to the whole episode wherever you get podcasts.

Often times, when we’re having heightened feelings in a group or relationship, on some level it feels like life-or-death, even if we logically know its just the dishes or the money or the jealousy or the disagreement in the meeting.

I'll be with @interruptcrim.bsky.social for a conversation about how to advance narratives that undermine authoritarianism and increase solidarity. Join me, @dreanyc123.bsky.social and Lewis Wallen on October 15th, 3pm est! ❤️ ❤️

If you are not in London but want to attend, there is an online/livestream option. Please still register at the link below to get the link! Tickets are free :)

How can you tell when it's time to leave a relationship with a person, project, job, or group? How can you tell if you have a tendency to walk away too fast or to stay too long in relationships?

I'll be presenting some thoughts about work--wage work, housework, care work, organizing work, and all other kinds--at Birkbeck in London on October 10th at 6pm! www.bbk.ac.uk/events/event...

'Sticking Together in Tough Times' with Dean Spade 6 Oct 6-8pm Discussing the kinds of bold, rule-breaking, risk-taking resistance that people are taking up to care for each other and save lives right now. www.ucl.ac.uk/institute-of...

How do you balance love, friendship, and radical organizing? @deanspade.bsky.social's new book shows leftists how to build ethical, supportive relationships without losing sight of the struggle. Read the conversation with @emanabdelhadi.bsky.social: inthesetimes.com/article/love...

I'll be in Manchester on October 3rd at 6:30pm with Wu Tsang at @blackwellsmcr.bsky.social. Thanks to the Centre for the Study of Sexuality and Culture and the Centre for New Writing for co-sponsoring. Tickets: www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/love-in-a-...

Edinburgh!! I’ll be with @lighthousebks.bsky.social at the Great Hall on Wednesday October 1st at 7pm for a discussion on Love in a F*cked-Up World with Wu Tsang and Nat Raha! Come join us ❤️❤️ lighthousebookshop.com/events/love-...

UK book tour at the beginning of October! I’ll be talking about mutual aid, Love in a F*cked-Up World, and how to stick together in increasingly brutal times. Join me ❤️💛💗 Tickets and access info here: www.deanspade.net/2024/11/15/u...

There are over a 1000 copies of Love in a F*cked-Up World available for people inside prisons and jails! Request a book for someone through this link: airtable.com/app87WhX08mp... Prisoners can request a book by writing to: 1977 Books 1468 Woodley Road Montgomery, Alabama 36106

We so frequently shame other people and ourselves, hoping it will lead to change. @prentishemphill.bsky.social breaks down why shame does not produce insight or behavior change. You can listen to the whole interview wherever you get your podcasts, or watch on YouTube.

These are tumultuous times. Racial capitalism is the reason. It’s time to think outside the box. Listen and subscribe to the anti-imperialist video pod @makcapitalism.bsky.social — produced and co-hosted by the honorable @jaybeware.bsky.social. Pay as little as $1 a month for exclusive content.

Just got more of these cute stickers that I've been handing out during my book tour to give out to people who join our podcast's new Patreon! Grateful to the artists who designed these with me--Sophie Lucido Johnson, Chris E Vargas, Calvin Burnap, and EM Frank. www.patreon.com/deanspade

In this episode, I got to talk to my friend and teacher, @prentishemphill.bsky.social. Prentis knows so much about love, organizing, and healing, this conversation was a gift and I have reflected on it many times since we recorded it.

If you’re distressed watching the transphobic nightmare unfold, a great way to support trans people is to become a penpal to an imprisoned trans person. @powerblossoms.bsky.social, @arcgenderjustice.bsky.social, @blackandpinkorg.bsky.social, @massamp1312.bsky.social, @tpride.bsky.social

Dean Spade discusses his radical self-help book, Love in a Fucked Up World, here: www.removepaywall.com/search?url=h... via @deanspade.bsky.social

I loved seeing what Reyanna James favorite ideas from Love in a F*cked Up World are—an honor to be read closely by such an excellent writer. www.radishliving.com/how-to-love-...

Bring your reading group to a live discussion of Love in a F*cked-Up World! Bring all your questions about crushes, friendships, open relationships, robust support systems, conflict, hard feelings. Tickets: www.patreon.com/c/DeanSpade/...

We launched a Patreon last week to raise money for the Love in a F*cked Up World podcast. The Patreon is a place for people who want to go deeper with all the themes in the book and the podcast.

Is sexting sex? In this video I respond to a listener question about whether sexting counts as sex for purposes of agreements about monogamy and nonmonogamy.

3/10: @deanspade.bsky.social in conversation with Wu Tsang for LOVE IN A F*CKED UP WORLD: How To Build Relationships, Hook Up And Raise Hell Together. www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/love-in-a-...

We are starting a Patreon to support the Love in a F*cked Up World podcast, and to create a place where people can go deeper with the ideas in the podcast and the book. New videos, live q & a's, community message boards and more. Join us!

In Episode 6, Morgan Bassichis and I talk about how to navigate communicating electronically a lot, having dates that are like little vacations, playing house during visits, and other dimensions of long distance relationships.

Join TanyaMarck + Nick + @deanspade.bsky.social for this juicy chat about what it means to liberate #love + #beauty + #queer #joy during challenging times. Link in bio OR find us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, YouTube, Amazon/Audible, or your favorite podcast streamer. Yay!

Conversation with @prisonculture.bsky.social about how the "conciergification" of our lives is de-skilling us for organizing with each other. Listen to the whole episode wherever you get your podcasts.

Talking to @prisonculture.bsky.social about her idea that hope is a discipline. How do we practice that discipline? From Ep 5 of my new podcast, which you can listen to here: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/m... Please subscribe and review--it helps others find us.

In Ep 5 I got to talk to @prisonculture.bsky.social about the dangers of putting ppl on pedestals, what to do when you are getting canceled, how to relate to the concept of hope, how norms about sex and romance influence resistance work, and more. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.