I’m in Kazakhstan in a hotel room of footy fans who are trying to watch the #AFLGF through the shitty 7+ app which has dropped out “Due to technical difficulties” BECAUSE OF COURSE IT HAS

Australian problems no. 185782: At 11.59am I was out the front of the house doing some pruning and sweeping. Bastards were nowhere in sight.

Why yes, that IS a filthy bin being wheeled through a cafe, less than a metre from our breakfast.

I have a sudden craving for mashed potato. #BinNight #Auspol2025

Wow wee! Tony Barry on ABC saying LNP will only end up with ONE Melbourne seat. Incredible. #BinNight #Auspol

Today’s To-Do list: 1. Wordle 2. Coffee 3. Final edits of latest work process docs 4. Call the union 5. Update CV 6. Review Redundancy package 7. Walk dog, embrace change. Plus ça change plus c'est la même chose.

I’m convinced that Nick Daicos’ pre-game Captain’s speech was, “Kick it to me.” #AFLPiesDons #AnzacDay2025

What a win. Goosebumps. #couchpeloton #ParisRoubaix

Woooooweee! #couchpeloton #ParisRoubaix

I’m so bloody happy for MVDP. #couchpeloton #ParisRoubaix

@sophoife.bsky.social hello, did you get my #FRATL request?

Bienvenue en Enfer, mes amis #couchpeloton #ParisRoubaix

Happy #ParisRoubaix to all who celebrate #couchpeloton. REALLY looking forward to this one.

Good evening lovely #couchpeloton. I think this is the first time I’ve watched the #stradebianche. What should I pay attention to?

Update from my girl: After a Straighten Your Crown pep talk, she went back inside and told her girlfriends the exact truth of her ex. Big hugs all round, sisterhood strengthened. A big lesson for my timid girl to speak up and be heard. Thank you everyone for your advice and support.

My daughter, a year on from a wretched break up with a spineless man child, is sobbing in her car because her circle of friends believe her gaslighting ex. What advice would you give her?

Dearest #couchpeloton where can I watch the Women’s race AFTER 2pm today? It appears live coverage stops on FTA after then. #CadelEvansRoadRace

This is a pleasing meme. I will talk about nice things and I'd love to hear about yours. 1 like = 1 thing I love

A question for my sports media friends - we are at the AO with a view of media seats. What is this? It’s to record the score I think, but for whom I wonder.

I have just come from a restaurant where Barry Manilow and assorted Yacht Rock groups was the soundtrack to my gnocchi and honestly, I do not recommend.

Meanwhile at the #AustralianOpen Mum has been treated like Royalty. Amazing volunteers and staff assisting her with priority access through the entrance 1/

I am at Melbourne Airport to collect my 84 year old mum. Mum has mobility issues. 🧵

It’s 37 degrees in Melbourne so OF COURSE my busting UK friends and sister have pulled me out of air conditioned comfort for a city walk through lanes, buildings and the La Trobe reading room. Reader, I’m fucking done. #cath

Happy New Year everyone. May you go through 2025 with all the confidence of a Dachshund in a dog-friendly hotel.

Agreed. Every session has had drama.

What this show needs is Billy Mack with Robert Palmer back up musicians. #carolsbycandlelight

I’ve just spent five minutes cry-laughing at Sammy J in a room full of stunned adults who think this is the worst #carolbycandlelight they’ve seen.

If you want to know how my last work week of the year is going, I have my cleaner downstairs wrangling an angry vacuum cleaner and two tradies fixing a solar panel on the roof and my Doxie is barking at ALL of them. Oh and I’m in a meeting as well. Good times.

#couchpeloton, care to weigh in?

Sunday #goodlunch - yoghurt flatbread, coppa and spinach ‘hash’, asparagus, poached egg, sriracha hollandaise, black salt.

I’m in a Wordle chat group with my uncle, cousins and sister and they’ve all just now admitted to cheating and looking up the answers so now I have to go change my Will.

How bloody good is it to call a friend of over 60 years from halfway across the globe and to immediately pick up the conversation as if we’d both been in the high street. Lifelong friendships, heh? Massively under-appreciated.

My Mondayitis has not been helped by last night’s Street Christmas Party - a neighbour confided her recently widowed friend had found out her partner had two wives and families for over 15 years and his family knew the entire time. Never ask How Are You? after the third Prosecco has been poured.

In an exciting development, the demented Doxie did not bark once at my cleaner for the entire time she was here. It’s only taken 6 months. #smallbutmighty #mustdefendthehooman

I can’t see social media companies developing secure process and resources to check the IDs of every user The legislation in this regard looks loose And as we’ve discussed, even a 16yo knows how to circumnavigate being excluded

A 🧵 When she was 15, a girl I know came out to her trusted circle of friends at a birthday party. On heating the news, the birthday girl ran into the kitchen, told her mum, who came over to my friend and told her to leave the party. That was the first evening my friend cut herself.

Fucks sakes I hate templated documents in Word.

Hello trans friends. You are so important and I'm fortunate to have a number of you in my life. Please know you are vital, you are valuable, and you are deeply loved.

Hello Bluesky, I’m a baker and cookbook author from London. Hoping to recapture some of the old twitter magic.

Plucked

For as long as I live I don’t think I will ever go food shopping a) without a list and b) carefully adding up the total in my head as I go up and down the aisles. Poverty-trauma remains long after the events.

This is how you become a writer: just pick one of the things that is deeply wrong with you. Make it a character. Now send it on a self-help journey or try to kill it. Now call it a book.

Via @jessicaperthwa.bsky.social I don’t understand this at all. Does this mean TV and celebrity chefs? Creatives and food bloggers? Pics of your birthday cake? A wonderful restaurant meal with grateful thanks for a top night out? A picture of four people in a private plane eating cold McDonalds?

There is a place in Hell for TV ads which reference Christmas Elves. Your personal elf is doing the hard labour of planning, buying, wrapping, prepping, baking, crafting, cooking and managing family diplomacy for Christmas Day. Stop it you bastards. Get off your arses and DO something useful.

Australian radio: I've reported on the rumours so often in my newsletter that this may seem like old news, but I believe the decision to axe the Robin and Kip Show on KIIS 973 Brisbane in favour of the networked Kyle and Jackie O Show has been made and will be announced soon.

Dr Karl is in the house.

PSA: A lot of people in SE Australia didn’t sleep last night because it was stinking hot, so will be extra tetchy today.

What a joy Bluesky is. No criticism of refugees playing cricket. No far-right political extremism. No Kevin Pietersen. Life is good.

We’ve entered The Empire Strikes Back era of our lives, haven’t we?

I got an invite to a work Christmas party today. It said, “I was advised to open this invitation to yourself …” I have a spine resembling chalk, and my Bitch setting set to Stun. It’s at a shitty burger joint with Ten Pin Bowling afterwards. Which I must pay for myself. Fuck 👏 Right 👏 Off.