I bet fifty quid that Count Binface wins the Clacton by-election, by a margin of 52-48.

Nigel Farage as resigned as MP for Clacton in protest of the fact there was *five* minutes where the news cycle wasn’t entirely about him. Honestly, I expect him to launch an OnlyFans and collab with Bonnie Blue any day now.

There was once a phrase ‘lions led by donkeys.’ And now there’s Reform UK which is idiots led by cunts.

My 2% Norwegian ancestry is really fired up right now… 🇳🇴🇳🇴🇳🇴

This is it for unionism. They’re all accountable, and there’s no denying it.

We need more recognition of the fact that the partition of Ireland is the reason why the Republic has never had a left of centre government.

Unionists will be more offended by this cartoon than by their own community rioting in the streets and burning down homes.

I refuse to believe that a human being wrote out the adjective ‘beloved’ in connection with lightbulbs and thought ‘aye, yeah… that’s a good days work.’

God, dead God, I hope to live to see Itamar Ben-Gvir swinging from a tree.

The Pogues The Wolfe Tones Kris Kristofferson The Proclaimers Echo and the Bunnymen John Spillane Emma Langford Bob Dylan John Sheehan (of The Dubliners) Billy Connolly

Wes Streeting is the Rishi Sunak of the Labour Party, and I mean that will every ounce of *disdain* I can muster.

‘Sick of being accused of being a flasher, local man takes up naturism.’

"My reputation as a ladies' man was a joke that caused me to laugh bitterly through the ten thousand nights I spent alone." Leonard Cohen

The tin whistle is fucking class.

Get you someone who looks at you like the United States looks at the nonsense notion of a Greater Israel.

As if Trump, Netanyahu, and Putin weren’t big enough cunts already, they’ve now inspired Bono to make one of his wee ‘statements.’

"We have cleared away our natural forests, dug out peatlands, converted hills to conifer plantations, drained wetlands, compacted soil under the weight of millions of farm animals and straightened rivers to create yet more grazing land" by @whittledaway.bsky.social www.thejournal.ie/readme/storm...

Could the last Tory MP please turn out the lights?

‘Every time he talks about western imperialism, I always want to remind him that the United States is *also* a revolutionary that threw off its former colonial masters.’ - Jed Bartlet ‘So, why don’t you?’ - Leo McGarry ‘I keep forgetting.’ - Bartlet

Trump’s obsession with Greenland makes a bit of sense when you realise the last time an island was transferred from Denmark to the US was 1917, and that island was… Little Saint James.

Send them to an El Salvadoran prison, obviously.

2026 prediction: Rory Stewart will be refused entry into the US.

It honestly feels like the world is gaslighting me for the fact that David Walliams wasn’t outed as a nonce a long time ago. It makes a mockery of the Mandela effect.

Hank Green is the David Icke for people who aren‘t fucked in the head.

According to LBC, Bonnie Blue has just come out and endorsed Nigel Farage. More than anything, that’ll be what sees his future prospects blown. (And not in a nice way)

The lamestream media will never tell you how well-read Stalin was. Just once I’d like to hear someone talk about his poetry.

DUP councillor Sarah Bunting says that the Palestinian flag flying from Belfast City Hall is ‘intimidating’ for the city’s small Jewish community. Considering there are only 80 Jews in Belfast, she could easily ask them directly rather than speak for them. I’d wager a lot of them support the flag.

“Leaders not Tweeters” is the rebrand America needs.

Peter Hitchens must be apoplectic right now. (This is a 100% recyclable, environmentally-friendly tweet)

There’s a lot of political pundits- your Laura Kuenssberg types- who seem to me to be like a meteorologist who pores, intensely over graphs, with their back to the window.

The irony is if we’d’ve stopped the boats in 1609, we wouldn’t need to put up with this nonsense today.

It is my considered opinion that everyone who works for @translinkni.bsky.social is a ninny who bothers horses.

If Kneecap have ‘Tiocfaidh Állah’ printed on a banner for their concert, I will give them a thousand euro worth of pints.

All the people who are suddenly so concerned about ‘protecting women‘ in Ballymena are all very quiet when the perpetrator is a white guy from down the road. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Just once in a wee while it’d be lovely if some theatre company could put on a Wilde play *other than* The Importance of Being Earnest.

The body requires calories in order to have enough calories to burn previously consumed calories. Life is such a fucking Ponzi scheme.

A yank as Pontiff. Unbelievable. There goes the neighbourhood.

#booksky thought for the day: Charles Bukowski is somewhat similar to Charlotte Brontë. The difference being Bukowski was German, and Brontë was Irish.

Secretary of State Hilary Benn is dragging 87-year-old widow Bridie Brown to the Supreme Court in London, refusing to accept the court order to launch a public enquiry into the murder of her husband Sean Brown. I cannot express how grosteque this is. Utterly utterly shameful.

William Henry Harrison had a better first 100 days, and he was dead for 70 of them.

Yes, yes, but who is it tells the Moon to obey the laws of gravity? Why doesn’t it simply fly away?

10% tariffs on Irish exports is about to have all the sycophantic gombeens at Mar-a-Lago wondering why their Botox is so much more expensive.

what you have to remember is that in november americans had to choose between donald trump and chaos with ed miliband

For sheer posterity sake I would like to see Booker last for 24 hours and 19 minutes, just to see Strom Thurmond’s record smashed by a black man.

Ireland is the only country in the world where you can get a tan from standing in the rain.

The Signal group chat debacle is symptomatic of the fact that Trump 2.0 is far and away the most incompetent administration in US history.

I’ll be giving a lunchtime talk at St. Anne’s Cathedral in Belfast, Tuesday week, on the Rev. John MacNeice, father of the poet, Louis. Important northern history + a few poems. imaginebelfast.com/event/john-m...

The J in JD Vance stands for Jessy. As in: ‘JD Vance is a massive jessy.’

American funding will ultimately be irrelevant to Ukraine when they’re fighting a war for their very survival. To borrow an old line, the fools, the fools, the fools, they have left us our martyred dead…