Remember that drifter you and your buddies hit with your parent’s car years ago when you were out later drinking? I have news for you… Pepperidge. Farm. Remembers. They always remember.

This was enlightening and before anyone asks, I do not know any more about extraterrestrials than the rest of you. Cryptids =!= aliens

Me, IRL

Irony was this person actually was a waxing technician and afraid of blades.

I'd buy that for a dollar.

Festive Lupercalia!

Oh Canada! My country tis of thee!

All the Braddock Road bike lane opposition. “Nobody rides bikes and everyone has 3 cars and a right to park them but not here!”

11/10 rant. They're all bad cameras, Geoff Bozos.

I tried to take a photo of a grasshopper on my windshield, but now it looks like a gigantic bug destroying the town.

remember when we had these taken at the sears

Oh PLEASE Discord scan my face. I wanna know if your algorithm can figure out this sexy Sasquatch face.

There was no happy ending for Patriots' owner Robert Kraft today.

I just saw the coolest fucking owl fly by. One might call it superb.

My name is Kiiiiiiiid please pay attention to me because I’m a sad lonely middle aged has been and please ignore my totally fictional pederast lyrics

Watch my skeets unravel, I’ll soon be naked

I remember when Cannibal Jellyfish, Disappearing Anus, and Terrorizing Venice opened up for King Missile at the old 9:30 Club. Surprisingly chill show.

Hey look, the PC Guy got a virus and passed it on to a connection, then tried install an AV to remove it without consent or knowledge. Typical Microsoft.

It wasn’t me. I wrap before I slap.

Ran into Bunnyman there playing the slots. He gave me a ride back to familiar territory. Weird guy, but he'll always have your back in a pinch.

I also made a Philly version

It’s the best I could I could do for MN 🤷‍♂️

Tried. Started an impromptu hockey game. Accidentally slid past the goal onto Four Mile Run and almost into the Potomac. Thankfully hit an icy ramp at the last minute and ski jumped onto a boat. Unfortunately, I was let off in Maryland. Gonna see if I can sneak into the MGM for the night.

It’s cool. This is Mr. Scott’s synthesized Scotch that was green in that one Star Trek movie. They must be time traveling again.

Hey humans, reminder to get your titers checked to make sure your measles vaccine is still working. Also some of them may be Titors, and they traveled back in time to warn you about a future where I actually have to post this.

My pants? Traveling.

Mood

I may have done some things, but I can confidently say I am NOT on the Epstein list.

For the record, Mothman is pansexual, and he’s been open to us cryptids for years. It’s humans he was nervous about.

"Make Sneetches Great Again" in which Mr. Sylvester McBean convinces the sneetches who don't have stars upon thars and a small number of sneetches who do but are also kind of assaulty that things used to be awesome for them and they're being discriminated against and gets himself elected.

Gonna get this tattooed on my ass.

a little bit of monica, in my life a little bit of monica, go outside a little bit of monica, watch the seas a little bit of monica, feel unease a little bit of monica, corrupted sun a little bit of monica, the world's undone a little bit of monica, gods be damned a little bit of you makes me your m

Can someone check to see if Lauren Boebert is in Albuquerque this weekend?

When the billionaire weapons dealer who individually fights criminals on the streets extra judiciously using military grade gear instead of going to therapy and paying for public works thinks you've gone too far... you're the bad guys.

That freeze-frame of Ilhan Omar cockin’ back like she’s ready to drop the guy who attacked her? Hang it in the Louvre.

And for clarity, I am extolling the virtues of free frozen water. ICE on the other hand, will freely see the business end of my fist if I see them in my woods or my wanderings in the greater Arlington/Alexandria/Fairfax county areas. I know you humans aren’t all like that.

Why does this look like the male population of Del Ray

This is why public domain is a necessary good.

"This is the most essential technology ever created in all of human history. Don’t mercilessly ridicule it just because it steals the joy out of your hobbies and creates sexually explicit images of women without their consent. Seriously, please stop! It really hurts my feelings."

Finally chipped enough ice away to get my phone charged so I can post. I’m safe in the winter weather in my cozy woods retreat. I just set my phone down in a bad spot and it’s taken days to get it out with just an ice pick. Also, had to sled to the ABC store for more bourbon. That took a bit.

Hey dumdums, cold weather does not negate climate change. Thank you for your attention to this matter! LAKE SUPERIOR, GREATEST LAKE OF ALL-TIME.

This bodes well for the coloring book of dicks I just acquired.

Whether Lump is fast asleep or rocking out with the band is frankly none of your business

Every Friday is Whiskey Friday for me. Also every day is Friday. Also I am secretly Rebecca Black all grown up.