ChatGPT: you’re right you’re so much smarter than him. He’s so schlubby and you’re so suave. Columbo will never catch you.

I'm getting head in the head at the northernlion supercruise

fuck my gay ass life bro . just threw up on my bosses beautiful new red wing shoes

left girlfriend #3 on read and forgot to buy girlfriend #2 a birthday present. my body is NOT going in the polycule crypt

posting hog exclusively on signal stories

personally, I think 78 is funnier

I hate being trans why couldn't I have just been born a girl with a 7" penis

I actually do think people who feel patriotism are beneath me, sorry

I'm beyond "let people enjoy things" if you like harry potter you are beneath me. you are a worm to be trodden upon

listening to pink triangle and pretending that rivers cuomo is talking about me

racist guy with tourettes who can't stop shouting "black lives matter!" at the klan rally

watching the color drain from my friends' faces as I reveal the activity for game night is "guess the chuck berry song from the opening 2 seconds."

halo top? uh, mister chief?

a gangster government cowering in fear of a decrepit man, misery incarnate, himself terrified of the long black shadow of his life behind him, one riddled with crime and a deep hatred of other people, a man with no virtue, no soul, a man of nothing, a specter.

girl I'm not even a one seater I'm just a loser

if beck was born in 2002 he'd be cooking up some insane puppygirl hyperpop shit rn I guarantee you

hitting a move on the dance floor so white the speakers start spraying mayonnaise

they say wealth is about your mindset and, well, let's just say having no money is making me feel pretty poor rn

I'm getting head in the bathroom at the jane remover blaccent cafe

call me well-traveled the way I know my way around them/their parts

topping a superhuman gotta be scary as shit. I mean, what if they clench your shit smoove off

Anyone else think it's a little problematic for a no-chrome gonk to say "choom"? 🧵1/637

call me a puppygirl the way I got barqs in me

hate being asked shit like "what songs can you play?" and "do you know how to slap?" when I bring my bass to the function. like, bitch, I'm just here to fuck the drummer

The bluesky experience this month is my timeline lighting up with people named snuffpuppyfaggot going "Gentle reminder that sp**ky is a slur and you should not say it"

I keep seeing complaints about "AI witch hunts" in writing communities, and while baselessly accusing authors of using AI is obviously wrong, if your writing is getting confused with chatgpt, maybe you should think about writing better

guy who's saving his virginity for the first person he has sex with

nintendo breaking new ground with metroid prime 4 as they attempt to capture the experience of playing arcade games in the lobby of a cinemark

be sure to play some tetris within 6 hours of viewing the charlie kirk footage

he's actually fine guys my neck does that too when I'm losing a debate

call this meat lab grown the way puppygirls make me hard

I'm in sex clubs older than oxford saying slurs thought up before god gave us the ten commandments

my bank, upon detecting that I have clicked the "roguelike deckbuilder" tags on steam with only $16.11 in my account attempts to send a lethal shock through my keyboard, but only manages to make me moan and condition me to continue browsing

oooooh, being an uncreative indie game designer is so hard, if only there was an antiquated tabletop game no one has turned into a roguelike yet

Solitaire is the jacking off of card games

walked up to the pride flag booth at this con and asked for a "chaser pride flag for a friend" and they shot me with a gun

some of you aren't freaks like that. some of you are lying

sloppy as I nod off call that zz top

when you're trans, you should take a little time out of your day every day to affirm yourself, ground yourself in who you truly are and feel euphoria as you mold yourself into the person you truly are... so today I got in a car accident

I hate being trans why couldn't I have just been born a girl with a 7" penis

we need to increase immigration. we have not replaced enough white people yet

opening a fortune cookie and the slip just says "good luck lol" and the lottery number is just 4

Wait, movies are a thing you can watch? I thought those titles and posters were just letterboxd prompts

Just found out about "girlpussy," what a game changer.

sex in the stands at a baking-themed football championship call that getting bred at the bread bowl

Ever since learning about those German soldiers that grew breast tissue from repeated impacts to their torso my daily gender-affirming care routine now includes 84 minutes of pounding on my chest like a gorilla

Call me Ronald Reagan's chimp the way it's bedtime for this bonzo