When are the FATCATS in Washington gonna WAKE UP and realize my invention of a pringles can-sized shaker filled with salt and pepper mixed together will heal this stupid country.

I don’t doom scroll. I only use this app while on the toilet. That’s only, like, 5 hours a day.

Wow.

In solidarity with today's ICE OUT OF MINNESOTA blackout, MinnMax is donating $1 to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota for every share of this Bluesky post for the next hour.

Hey, anyone see that movie Weekend At Bernie's? Feel it becoming relevant again soon.

You have to survive. There are graves to piss on that haven't been dug yet.

2003 anime holiday classic TOKYO GODFATHERS is among a slew of holiday programing coming to Tubi on November 1. This is the first time the Satoshi Kon film has streamed for free in the U.S. in its original form (with English subtitles).

My favorite baseball moment.

SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN

Scientists of Bluesky, introduce yourselves by replying to this post and I’ll share it and help you get some followers! I’m David, I’m based in DC and study shark ecology and conservation policy. I’m the author of “Why Sharks Matter.” 🧪🦑🌎🐠🦈

Has anyone tried putting the pink slime additive into a gogurt-style tube for on-the-go protein?

I used to think America was heading toward a Hunger games/Squid games scenario. Now I think it’ll be all of us being drugged up and sent out to fight the Feyd-Rauthas of the GOP.

A’ Time for Tha Sex’a Pope!

*playing Blue Prince badly* What do you mean I can’t stay in the house overnight? I’m literally surrounded by bedrooms!

Seems we’re working toward the Mad Max scenario and not the hunger games scenario which is what we wanted.

I think all reality dating shows should be a combination of Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire and The Joe Schmo Show. Also, toss an Alf into the mix.

It is perfectly legal to know your rights and to educate others about them, too. EVERYONE in the United States, citizen or not, has rights. I will not allow this administration to intimidate us from helping you know about them. Here’s our shareable guide ⬇️: (pt. 1/2)

Free movie idea! E.T. The Extraterrestrial Remake starring Grogu from the Mandalorian. Entire movie is the exact same and ends with Mando coming down in the Razor Crest to rescue Grogu. Oh yeah, throw in time travel or something.

Oh yeah, body? You’re severely dehydrated? Explain these watery eyes then?

I guess getting older is finding out which foods your body no longer processes regularly. What gave me gastrointestinal distress? This apple or this entire pan of lasagna? Probably the apple.

Balatro. Balatro Balatro. Balatro? Balatro!

Pushing the Fortnite button on my PS5 every two minutes to see if the psnetwork is up. Nope, still down.

“President Trump, sir, the Helms amendment and NSC order 725 both specifically prohibit the use of Omega Force against Caucasians.”

Derogatory (Derogatory)

Girl Scout Cookie quiz. What’s the best cookie of all time? A: Tagalongs B: Tagalongs C: I’m a big dumb idiot and I enjoy [OTHER]

Free movie idea! A jockey wants to quit horse racing because he’s sick of the rampant corruption! Wants to join the totally legitimate sport of professional boxing! It stars Mark Wahlberg and is a cross between Million Dollar Baby and Elf!

Quick! What’s the fastest and easiest way to financially destroy a billionaire! Hurry!

Me: Have you seen my wherewolf? Friend: Werewolf? No, I havAAAAGGHHH *gets viciously mauled by a wolf* Me: Heh.......therewolf.

I’m a 40 year old dude dressing like a 30 year old dude pretending to be a 40 year old dude who gives a shit.

The year is 2026. Musk, Bezos, and Zuckerberg take over and incorporate the government. They rename it OCP (Omni Consumer Products) and run it as a triumvirate. Dems introduce a bill to rename a post office and promptly break their hands patting themselves on the back.

I've seen enough. I believe SpaceX is ready to start transporting people (billionaires) to Mars (explosion).

Sure gambling and sports betting apps are a detriment to society. But is there a betting outfit that's detrimental to the rich? The Rumble:

Sorry, everyone. I put off watching Twin Peaks for the longest time and just started to watch it a couple days ago. This is all my fault.

If science is so smart why hasn't it invented a way for me to replace my blood with the new Monster Blue Hawaiian energy drink? Riddle me that, Einstein!

Next on Bountyhunter the Dog. Sheriff: "I can only pay you half for this bounty. He's pretty messed up. Docs say he may not make it. Bountyhunter who is a golden retriever: "Woof?! Woof woof, woof!" Sheriff: "Jesus. You lick your balls with that mouth? Fine. Here's full payment." *gives scratches*

I only drink on days that end in WHY?!!!

It’s the 90s. Got a crisp white polo shirt with the popped collar. Pure white LA Gear high tops with the heel lights. And the widest waist/cuff ratio JNCO jeans you’ve ever seen.

Who wants to start a “private firefighter company” with me? We can name our price and rob rich people….er I mean protect rich peoples houses. *wink wink*

Okay, okay. How about this? A movie starring Stockard Channing, Channing Tatum, and Tatum O’Neal. It’ll be a remake of Speed 2: Cruise Control.

This Mr. Eatspants gentleman is growing on me, I have to say.

I resolve this year to finish one gatdang video game from the massive backlog. First game up. Fortnite.

Some people say I have an attitude problem but those people are assholes just straight up fucking bastards and fucking fuckers hey fuck you!

I’m sapiosexual. That means I’m a liar.

Thinking about how Dr. Robotnik is probably a tech billionaire with a lot of problematic opinions.

Me: “Check out my new car!” Friend: “It’s a 2013 Honda Accord! How did you pay for that?” Me: *smugly snaps suspenders* “Got Mr. Beast to bury me alive for 12 hours.”

I thought Joker 2 was funny.

Got dat swag.

I think Vines should be a thing again. I have hundreds of seconds of great ideas.