I informed my parents that I'd gotten my flu shot by saying "I'm topped up on the tism" which just goes to show

How come when the children put a hat on Frosty and he comes to life it’s cute and kitschy, but when I write “emet” on this lump of clay and it comes to life suddenly I’m “bringing destruction on the whole village” and I have to “make it stop??”

Wabi Sabi I honestly left this as most a sketch for so long lol

Call me a crackhead because I just shattered my phone screen for the second time in a month B-)

The next train will be departing in [ERROR] minutes.

There is something deeply amusing about some weirdo subtly implying they'll commit identity theft against me while advocating for scammers' favorite medium of exchange. Actually, I guess that's Tether more than Bitcoin. But what do I know? I don't do research :p

Drawing some lines

If I had a nickel for every time I've been attacked by coffee at work, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice

Every good cult must come to an end

civilization vi leader two turns before you destroy his lone attacking trebuchet unit with a missile cruiser

The other day I was ringing someone up, the price was $10.98 and they gave me a 20. I said "$9 and an opinion is your change" and they didn't say anything back. I think I'm going to quit comedy.

Entropy is basically the specific heat of time.

the world record for most hot dogs eaten is 3

Here's a reminder that specific energy has units of area per square time, because math is made up and incredibly beautiful

I'd say it's funny that so few people came out to see Trump's stupid military parade, but it's really not. Comedy requires some amount of surpise.

Yall ever think about how a snub tetrahedron ends up being just an icosahedron

After I brew coffee I alway make sure to say "thank you for your service" to the grounds

Crazy to think how it's frowned upon for people to do liquor shots while having a bad day at work, but I can get a gelato milkshake on my break and no one bats an eye. Anyway I think the gelato milkshake gave me a hangover

I'm a sleeper agent and my activation word is frappucino which causes me to immediately ruin your day by curling up on the ground and sobbing loudly

All these politicians talking about inflation, well guess what I can still buy something smarter than yall for a few bucks

A bunch of four leaf clovers

Count every day until "you counted every day" day. No really, that's how it works

Saw some comedy at the Club Car in Baltimore. The art illuminating me is by Kristin Putchinski.

I wish more cars still had that round, friendly styling like in the aughts. The pointy styling of today is so much less comfy. More bouba cars, less kiki cars.

Excersize your free speech rights by writing "domestic terrorists" on your local far-right organization's poster.

A couple of pictures from a few mornings ago

Cyclone