I don’t regret leaving X when I did, but I do get kind of sad about losing the whole archive of wild shit I said from 2019-2025

One thing about my mom is that no child of HER’S is going to fail to stand their ground in front of a camera 🙅‍♀️

Unless…some kind soul in New York would be willing to pick them up for me and find a cheaper option for sending them to me?? 👉🥺👈

I went searching for “Jewish magnets” online and I don’t know what I was expecting to find, but somehow I found this site that offers a collection that is beyond my wildest dreams:

someone should make an app where you can report corners with active canvassers so that other people know to avoid that intersection

This is still going on weeks later. It seems like I am too hot at work and burdened with extra layers to carry home every day except the days that I say to myself “I am always too hot at work, I don’t want to carry an extra layer today”

I thought I was running out of my sunscreen so I bought a new one only to find that I had much more left than I thought. I wrote a note to myself on the cap so I wouldn’t forget and accidentally buy another one. I feel like the guy in Memento.

Sounds like a job for ol’ Nutz

I showed my mom my new shirt and she told me it should be motivation for me to learn to drive 🤭

“Because I am human, I know better than to kink shame” -Thomas Aquinas, probably

I’m sorry but y’all are truly unhinged.

My hottest Jewish food take is that a bagel with lox is NOT a suitable lunch…that is a breakfast food. Despite it having a good balance between protein and carbs, it is NOT filling enough to get you through the day

No shade but what am I paying for here??

What’s funny about having genetically staggering cholesterol levels is that they’re basically like “of course a healthy lifestyle is always helpful, but you’re so broken that it won’t really matter here”

Tired: "you have your mother's eyes" Wired: "you have your mother's insufficient LDL processing capabilities"

The nature of 2026 is that if you find a cool ancient goddess figurine shirt on Etsy you can’t just buy it, now you have to do research into “is this creator a TERF” and “does this creator use AI?”

If you’ve ever been on the other side of my slightly pathological need to be helpful you may be entitled to compensation (I’m going to try and help you even more)

Sure you may think it’s unfair that I find cutco knives in good shape for $1, but also there are days like this when I suddenly break out into mystery bumps and all anyone can say is “just go wash it I guess 🤷‍♀️. Let us know if you fall over”

In one of my fave movies, Impromptu, Liszt's long-term lover is CONSTANTLY arguing with him about how much he sleeps around! I can also tell he's a fuckboy bc one time a Liszt song came on on the radio, and I said aloud, in my empty car, "Have you ever heard of shutting up???"

it's been reported that Liszt had sex with three generations of women in the same family - grandmother, mother and daughter he was a rock star in his time!

this is punk

My favorite classical music fact is that Franz Liszt got so many requests for a lock of his hair that he bought a dog and gave away its fur clippings instead. I think it’s important that we keep in mind that while classical music is now considered high culture, these composers definitely f*cked.

Fatphobia in medicine is wild because what do you mean it’s a preferable psychiatric treatment outcome if I’m slightly thinner but feel aimless and disaffected by life than it is that I’m slightly less thin but have any sense of purpose to existing?

When I met my friend’s cousin’s wife, she got really excited to learn that I was Jewish because she hadn’t met many Jews in New Zeland and asked she me a lot of questions Every time I saw her after that she’d excitedly pull me aside to tell me about the last time she’d had challah French Toast.

Meta taking away encryption for Instagram DM’s is disturbing, but at least it’s on Instagram and not Facebook, I don’t want anyone to see my many crash outs over agonizing exchanges through Facebook Marketplace

“one large helping of Suffering, please”

and for the lady, perhaps a more productive Saturday evening activity than searching “January 2023” in the photos app to see the last pictures taken of you before you met the most recent destructive force in your life?

Don’t worry ThriftBooks…I never do

Sometimes I wonder why I used to go out of my way to cater to the egos of fragile men…then I remember that in Jewish preschool, they told me we cover the challah to avoid hurting its feelings

Man every site these days is going to throw me a pop up 😒 suddenly looking for a belt online is like playing Whack-A-Mole

No doubt the Bay to Breakers started as something more meaningful, but now it’s just a day for tech bros with high startup body counts to get drunk and run around in bear suits while the rest of us roll our eyes and squint at tiny maps to try and figure out how the hell we’re gonna get to work

Don’t worry ThriftBooks…I never do

I once got into a Lyft and the driver (from Russia) commented that my name was Russian. I told him that’s where my family was from. He asked if they came over during the Soviet era, I said no. He asked if they came over during the Revolution, I said no. He paused and said oh, so you must be Jewish!

By the time you're 40 you should have three friends: one whose life forks, one who is blessed, and one who will die.

The surest sign that you are not going to shul enough is when the cantor likes you on Feeld 😶

By the time you're 40 you should have three friends: one who walks into an orchard and dies, one who looks and loses their mind, and one who becomes a heretic

One thing I really love about Judaism is how in our tradition angels are complete assholes. Constantly trying to stop Gd from helping people. They tried to talk Him out of creating humans in the first place and he set them on fire, they tried to keep us from getting the Torah. Misanthropic bitches

Dressing for the weather 20 years ago: just bring three layers with you every day and you should be fine :) Dressing for weather today: just give up. you will be too hot on warm days and too cold on cold days. dressing for the previous day will always be wrong. except when it’s not. fuck you.

Choosing what to wear when I essentially wear the same thing every day

The key to ensuring that people will continue to embrace your bad theology is to keep getting hotter.

Yes, there is a story about a king who is dying but he is horrible so the angels try to block God from forgiving him and God still sneaks into his room to grant him forgiveness. But, the tradition is also pretty clear that we remember that we are not God so you’re staying on my list, bitch.

I forgot that I posted this and I’m laughing now because I actually did find this. I guess I have fulfilled my romantic dreams, according to my July 2021 self??

oh boy is this accurate

Anthropologie makes products for people who like the thrift store aesthetic but are too afraid to actually go into one and mingle with the commoners

The good thing about bluesky is that for the most part your posts are only going to attract annoying people if they get a lot of reach, Threads will go ahead and only show your post to people who will be annoying about it.

The more I think about it, the more I want to see a reality show where these two are forced to live in a 2 br/1 b (with no laundry) and during the day they run a smoothie stand

I’ve gotten a lot wiser to the trick where a man will disarm with extreme flattery from the beginning. Though I may have gone too far in the other direction because now I flag everything as unnecessary flattery. Why are you saying “hi” to me? You think I’m worth talking to? Get out of here lol

“If twelve year old you could see you today, what would she think?” Well for starters she’d be embarrassed that I bitched out after ten sour patch kids because my tongue hurt so jot that down

I believe it’s the latter. Writing a song where every single lyric is a sexual innuendo without actually using any dirty words is quite the feat.