5 minutes into watching yellowjackets and I'm annoyed that the song choices don't match the year. No one was listening to Snow sing "informer" unironically in 1996 Get. Off. My. LAAAAAWN

Work today be like

Can Lana del Rey please make a spooky version called "high by the graveyard"

Me when I use tongs to mix the bag salad kit I opened up and dumped in a bowl

I girlbossed too close to the sun, according to the bartender who encouraged such behavior

Watching White Lotus season 2 is gaslighting me into wanting an aperol spritz

Me_irl

There's not enough boniva in the world to get me into a mosh pit any more

Are you really even a cat owner if the bitch doesn't occasionally bite your tit through your shirt hard enough to draw blood

Only takes one and a half glasses of wine before I start crying over the feelings of a hypothetical person who doesn't even exist

My superpower is seeming very unbothered while remaining very deeply bothered

I accidentally posted to threads thinking I was on blusky AMA

Shopping at Bath And Body Works feels like walking into the living embodiment of a Taylor Swift song

I swear to God ...Bob Dylan needs to be either way worse or way better than even we saw him last year #outlawmusicfestival

Turn any mocktail into a cocktail by just adding vodka! Follow me for more recipes

NEW: Tomorrow’s front page of Scottish newspaper, The National.

Poker Face was fuckin wrong for this 😂🤣😂🤣

Every “free speech” comedian should use their platform to say that the government nudging corporations to cancel shows is fascistic an actual cancel culture But sadly you fucks are cowards

Actually I think the worst part is just getting caught at a Coldplay concert at all

My hot take on the Coldplay Canoodlers? There shouldn’t be kiss cams at concerts. This ain’t baseball, how much downtime is there at a concert. I paid a fortune in surcharges, ONLY THE BAND ON ANY SCREEN

There should be a law that if you're buying centrum silver vitamins you don't have to get carded for the red wine also in your cart Elect me and I'll make this happen

I've been watching UK celebrity big brother, the season with Angie Bowie. Her "I'm too old for this shit" attitude is inspiring.

Confirmed

I just microwaved fish and broccoli ama

Fuck you I'm hilarious #pokemongo #literaryjokes

Can we please talk about how unethical it is that trainers went around capturing thousands of eevee's only to send them to the "professor" like... What is he doing with them? Experiments? Cosmetic testing? Research? #pokemongo

@pftompkins.bsky.social please one day pick an instrumental for Hit the Post and really fuck with someone

Huh interesting casting decision for the next Bond

GTA 6.5: Squid Game Island

Michelle visage, Ginger was not "Marie Antoinette" and I'm way too infuriated about this #dragrace

NGL I actually feel bad for the artist/ graphic designer who worked on the bezos wedding invite. I have trouble getting criticism from a small group let alone the while fuckin world

I should have gone to the swedish midsummer, I hear they set people on fire. At least I'd be warm

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the main stage

How can anyone be upset at the crying baby on the airplane they're just saying what we're thinking

Yall I'm losing my shit... NPB skating with Denali looks just like my grandma in 1980! @nicolepaigebrooks.bsky.social #haunted

This is now a NPBFAG fan account @nicolepaigebrooks.bsky.social

CVS caremark got me like

Some people have the musical palate that is equivalent to "I only like chicken nuggets with ketchup"

Get one for your sonic shower here: boldbubbles.com/products/sta...

What pronunciation is worse, habbernero or habañero

One day you're a teenager without a care in the world. Next thing you know you're sending your shit in the mail for analysis and asking your child if a meme picture is from something real or just ai

Me looking at fried food vs the tirzepatide in my system giving its opinion

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the main stage...

Shit like this is wild to me because ... Just eat beets??

You know you're in for a treat when your dentist looks in your mouth and says "yikes"

My advice for @sclev.bsky.social today

Spend one freaking day in DC and next thing I'm doing drunk history lessons on American presidents in a hotel bar

Caught Kermit doing a line of coke off Washington DC's dick

Representation matters