( in the corner of the room, on the floor in the position that you would put a dead person. radio static sigh. )

𝘛𝘚𝘜𝘐 I CAN'T BREATHE 🤣

( DEER NOISES. )

( when you're just going about your day and suddenly your granddaughter shows up and throws a tree at you. ) ( elder abuse .. WAIT— )

𝘐𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝙼𝚢 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 p̶e̶r̶f̶e̶c̶t̶ ι'м b̳a̳c̳k̳ αgαιη 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 p̤̈r̤̈ö̤m̤̈ï̤s̤̈ë̤ 𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 ɪ ᴅʀᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᏕᎯᏨᏒᎬᎠ ᴡᴀᴛᴇʀ MY ᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴ ĪS ĤᎾĿY

𝘛𝘚𝘜𝘐 rises from the dead to bully my muse. very on brand for me.

( SHUT UP. )

( it's alwAYS THE DAMN TREES. )

( hold on. wait just a moment. he needs a minute to admire his gorgeous wifey. and to also give her a new year smooch. ) " another year with you . . . how did i get so lucky.ᐣ "

( @widowofthewaves.bsky.social * 💞 )

𝘛𝘚𝘜𝘐 projects my hatred for seductive sundays onto alastor

" i hate Sundays .. PUT YOUR DAMN CLOTHES BACK ON. "

WIFEY WIFEY WIFEY. WIFE. WIIIIIIFE.

ONYX Oh human Orion, how I love you 🥺

𝘛𝘚𝘜𝘐 " alastor is smelly. " " alastor is unhygienic. " this man smells like every cleaning product imaginable, a hint of cooking spices and whatever perfume his wife decided to wear that day. he definitely has a breakdown at least once a week because his damn teeth a permanently yellow.

𝘞𝘌'𝘙𝘌 𝘚𝘏𝘈𝘛𝘛𝘌𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘚𝘐𝘓𝘌𝘕𝘊𝘌. 𝘞𝘌'𝘙𝘌 𝘙𝘐𝘚𝘐𝘕𝘎. 𝘋𝘌𝘍𝘐𝘈𝘕𝘛.

𝘛𝘚𝘜𝘐 THERE'S ANOTHER ALASTOR HATES BIRDS VIDEO.

( LEAVING. )

( HAW HAW. )

( pointing and laughing like nelson from the simpsons. )

( is literally on fire. flaming deer. * 🔥 )

𝘛𝘚𝘜𝘐 flu got me fucked up. because why did i take a bite of a cheese and onion crisp and it tasted like a brussel sprout?

𝘛𝘚𝘜𝘐 Alastor being somewhat protective over Emily after she risked her life to help him. why? because i said so.

( shhh. he is nawwt friendly. )

( deer. )

" count your days. "

( staring at the massive selective of flowers in this one shop. it seems he can't decide which one to go for.. ) " hrmm... all of them. no, my good sir, not one of each.ᐟ i will be purchasing every single flower in this establishment.ᐟ " ( only the absolute best for his wife. )

( this is elder abuse. )

( ANGRY ELK NOISES. )

( FLEEING THE SCENE. )

( . . . THROWS VAGGI— )

( . . . throws Niffty. )

no one will believe you about this.

( throwing an entire piano at lucifer. ) ( a sneeze. )

( dainty, girly ass sneeze. )

( holding a rubber duck up in the air, out of Lucifers reach. )

⠀ ⸝⸝⠀𝘉𝘜𝘛 𝘐𝘍 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘛𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘔𝘠 hand ⠀࿔࿔࿔ 𝙒𝙀'𝙇𝙇 𝘽𝙀 𝙎𝙊𝘼𝙍𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙊𝙐𝙂𝙃 𝙏𝙃𝙀 clouds .ᐟ ⠀

( what if they hide all of the ducks.. GASP. WHAT IF THEY TAKE ALL THE DUCKS AND DUMP THEM IN THE COURTYARD I FRONT OF THE VEE TOWER. ) ( alastor, she means evil plotting. not a prank war. )

( @widowofthewaves.bsky.social * 💞 )

( @widowofthewaves.bsky.social * 💞 )

( @widowofthewaves.bsky.social * 💞 )

( evil things are being planned. )

( local deer man is having the time of his afterlife. walking through the hotel, practically boucing with each step. ) " ohhh a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go downn ~ 🎶 "

𝘛𝘚𝘜𝘐 my wife is eating my face and i am letting her.

( @demoninred.bsky.social. )

( he somewhat expected both .. but not one after the other. for once, Alastor is genuinely caught off guard. like a deer in headlights— ) ( it would take him a moment to react .. his reaction being to scoop his wife up into his arms, turning to head for their shared room in the hotel. )