My daughter wrote a note for the Tooth Fairy, and the exclamation point is a tooth

greenleeish.substack.com/p/hating-hea... Not exactly timely, but we all process things at our own speed...

watching GIRLS for the first time, and the narrative anxiety seems to be "what if men aren't gross enough?"

why pay for a wax when you can just pull up your underwear in a way that causes your pad to fold in half and adhere to the greater part of your pelvic region?

you say you're fluent, but I can tell you've never even made it to Amethyst League

every old disney movie: hey, wouldn't it be funny if...

me: what's the french word for doll? also me: hahaha. no seriously. what is it? also me: ok, sure, but how is it pronounced? also me: well, that's unfortunate

If Aubrey Plaza was your BFF, you'd already be halfway done knitting her some baby booties ❤️ medium.com/pausebutton/...

feeling too scared to merge. might just drive to fresno instead.

remember when we could swing on swings without getting terribly dizzy for the rest of the day

community is seeing other parents scrambling around the Target at 9:30 pm the night before a holiday

Back in McSweeney's with some Wuthering Heights red flags 🚩🚩🚩

Making a Pro/Con list can help you see that there are, indeed, two options

When your mother-in-law teaches classes on bookbinding, your kid ends up with a gorgeous journal for their Sutter's Fort field trip. And coffee-stained pages! ❤️

What multi level marketing scheme it will be this time, I wonder

If my handwriting makes me look neurotic, it's just because I am.

Ninety percent of in-office interaction is just men asking how I can possibly sit with one leg tucked up in my chair

"Among members of Gen Z, the use of a semicolon is considered rude." open.substack.com/pub/chortleb...

Damn Hot Wheels. That was a solid commercial. 🥹

THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE BINGO 🍂 Don't forget to play along! 🍂

First time watching Frankenweenie and this might be the best explanation of lightning I've ever heard: youtu.be/WCjpY5oko-E

❤️ it

Nobody: Me, suddenly sing/shouting: "Pulitzer and Hearst, they think we're nothin'. Are we nothin'? No!"

And won't stop asking for it every time we go to Starbucks...

A couple walked past me, and all I heard of their conversation was "I'm just saying the psychological profile of someone who would enjoy a show like that is..." And it took everything in me to not catch up to them and be like: What show are you talking about? And can I please join this conversation?

First 20 minutes of Task (HBO show) be like "we'll tell a story when we feel like getting around to it, thank you" Started because I was expecting Mare of Easttown S2. Does it ever become Mare of Easttown S2?

My daughter accidentally rubbed off some of the paint on her mass produced baby doll's eye, and she brought it to me and asked if I could call the artist who made it and have them repaint it, and this is the sort of world I wished we lived in.

Can't understate how satisfying it was to see Adult Bobby doing well. #NewKingoftheHill

Second time watching Bottle Rocket = discovering that what previously seemed like a comedic heist film is actually a poignant story about one guy finding his way out of a mental health crisis and into a stabilizing routine only to discover that his best friend is on the opposite trajectory.

Sounds like the only thing they are guilty of is having a good time...

Duolingo serving up ESSENTIAL PHRASES over here. 💯

I didn't see it before, but I see it now #lewispullman #thunderbolts

Not me always using the bathroom stall that splashes me on the leg simply because it's MY stall.

Kudos to Andor Season 2 for doing what Star Wars has always failed to do: allowing a character to take more than 20 seconds to learn how to fly an unfamiliar ship.

The Wild Robot has made its way to streaming, and my kids have been watching it constantly in the house, which basically means I can no longer wear mascara inside my house.

"Your Outie cannot set up a tent but enjoys standing close by while others do." #Severance medium.com/pausebutton/...

Raise your hand if you've ever ruined everyone's Christmas with your opinions 🙋‍♀️

My first ever piece for @pointsincase.com It's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Bingo!

Trader Joe's Cashier (graciously shielding me from disappointment): "Just so you know, they're not that soft."

Thrilled to have another #RedFlag piece @mcsweeneys.net 🚩🚩🚩 Is It a Red Flag?: Romeo and Juliet Edition www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/is-...