I want to deserve God's love but nobody is worthy of unconditional love

at church for lunch service . There's a band playing live music and everyone has been so nice .

Dad called me, said he got a call saying, "dad, dad, broke my nose" and thought it was me

thibk its lame that this is my mania . I'm dedicated to being stone cold sober but old elbee would be having so much more fun

picking up meds my life is soooooo good all the time

why does like 1/3rd of the homeless male population go by bubba

did not get the coloring book but did get a diet coke and some pens : ) sketching is cool and journaling has been helpful

guy let me pet his dog yayyyy

also got prescribed welbutrin and seroquel yayyy

there's a guy at the church I went to for breakfast and lunch today who keeps lighting my cigarettes like clockwork . Played dominoes wirh him and it was chill but he said something about earning "gentleman points" I hope he doesn't expect me to like . want anything

genuinely whatttt is happening things happen all time and I just like have to deal with it

Life is really weird

thinking about joining this cult thing because I wouldn't have my phone & would not speak to anybody (vow of silence ts) for like 2 weeks . Got outreached by the church twice on da street . idc if they only house me to get ppl working in they thrift shop at least it would be with women only

I like need to chill out idc its s bad financial idea im getting a coloring g book

like need this phone to work bc I dont have a physical card or a residential adress to ship a card to and have been doing tap to pay everywhere. Even if I get a new phone it'll be the cheapest thing I can get and it won't have tap to pay functionality. I have to figure something out soon

screen is going out like need a new phone but if I do that I cant make Plans I dont have money to do anything lol

It is selfish of me to want to continue to live but I am too cowardly to die but also too cowardly to actually live . I died once and like there was no heaven or hell just sleep but I'm scared of that sleep . I want to be better than this and am doing everything I can think of to be better than this

Genuinely think my issue is that I'm too self aware . And it is painful to be so self aware so I disassociate

all I have ever wanted to be is helpful . I have no personal goals or desires beyond base aesthetic ideas and don't think I am capable of being an individual human being . but we up

Im have got to get hit by a train

Maybe being a hammerhead worm wouldn't be so bad

maybe God put me here as a lesson for other people. Like to do better than I have and to not be nice to people just because they're pretty and polite . maybe thats all the plan is and thats chill I will ride out being alive for as long as I can

have no clue how to exist as a human being . socializing does not and hasn't really ever made sense for me . anyways post inspired by me being too scared to tell a woman she could not use my phone

haoungry

nothing makes me more of a misandrist than being in a shelter im sorry

4 apples down today thinking about another one

scheduled my t4co b3ll interview for the wrong location 💔💔 but fixed it so we up

got interviewed by the news the other day during a smoke break and apparently they used some of it and I didnt even get to see it so idk how stupid I looked 💔💔

not only is sydn3y sw33ney like the worst she's also just really annoying

catty old guy in here and I sort of have beef sort of not . he keeps calling me chloe in a tone I do not understand and he stole my spot the second I got up to sweep up popcorn kernels but he also said I look uncannily like 3mma st0ne so like we up I guess

period has decided to hit me 3 fold . because I missed the last one . . I wish I was dead

Hallelujah my fast charger cable started working out of nowhere

why do people immediately latch onto me when im friendly

want to study entomology because I like bugs but have no idea what I would actually do with that information

you like literally can't get a bus pass without physical cash in this city and I think that is so fucking stupid

mayhap just one last pack

all I want is a cigarette but like if I walk to another store and they're closed I am going to actually start biting people

elbee woman arc

threw away my vape this morning bc quitting and now my brain is like hmmmmmmm what if I bought a pack of cigarettes liek I cannot afford to keep smoking stop

it is very important we remember the ru paul tweet

stealingg

yall know that mst song 14st 11 or whatever . whenever I walk on the "snow" I don't leave footprints idc that I'm 169 lbs makes me feel skinty

love Texas because we don't get snow we get "freezing rain"

oh and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist set up and a meeting with a women's sober living program set up for Monday so we up

lost my job, laid in a storm drain for a day begging anything that could hear me for a sign to keep going, then the rain started. back at the salvation army for emergency shelter as it is sleeting and about to snow. I think God has me

lol guess what the weight gain actually DID NOT HIT and I was just going insane who wouldve guessed

I have had 2 roommates in like 4 days waow