screenmaxxing with @blank-guy-ty.bsky.social for a hot steamy visa application date night ✌🏻

several of our neighbors have recently decided to try to become the yelliest people in the world

this country is a failed experiment. they should let the forests engulf us and the bears devour us

"it's only gay if you take your socks off" - some youths on the bus

Always the bridesmaid and never the bride of having your president kidnapped and renditioned to stand trial in another country…

this was the only thing of importance i did in 2025

I think I would be a good lawyer because I'm taller than you think. I'd wear my platform loafers and men who think they're 6' would cower on the witness stand

I made him add release dates to these, lest it sound like we approved of the exclamation-mark-lacking Jim Carrey abomination

I'm no geneticist, but here are my thoughts on the genetic makeup of the Muppet Christmas Carol Piggy x Kermit family unit

When I google "muppet christmas carol cast," I'm not looking for *which people voiced which Muppets*. I'm looking for *which Muppets played which characters.*

I see they didn't wanna go with "White Cock"

we (pedestrians) saw how everyone drove when the power was out. when the stoplights were down. we saw and we will remember.

I live in constant fear that @blank-guy-ty.bsky.social will give a movie I liked a 0

whole foods never has fucking normal medications, it's always like "here's a powder you snort while you meditate to heal your left pinky finger"

skipping meetings is the key to my productivity

why is apple cider the only juice you're allowed to drink hot? i'm ready for hot grapefruit juice

Rulia Joberts

I gave Tyler a "bitch" pass if it's funny but I might have to take it away because he's using it too much. The other day he splashed me with his water bottle and said "be christened, bitch"

"that bike man is after you! go girl, go!" - a random person on the street seeing @blank-guy-ty.bsky.social biking a few yards behind my e-scooter

aunt lucy ahh inscription in my new british passport

Over the Paywall (Tyler pirated Over the Garden Wall but it has hardcoded Serbian subtitles)

my body is a machine that converts cheese into pain

fries is so many potatoes

it'd be so funny if THAT'S why there have been feds in portland this whole time

has anyone tried underthinking? is it better?

@blank-guy-ty.bsky.social tried to gaslight me into thinking that you don't need vodka to make vodka sauce

this continues to be relevant

so my sister's house burned down, which is not funny. but the funny part is that amazon still delivered a package to her burned-down house

my parents in their large vehicle, parking next to everyone else's large vehicle, complaining about how parking spaces are too tight these days

they need to add an entry into the DSM for the panic one feels watching a stand-up comedian perform on zoom

i just saw these words in this order on the internet: "luteal phase is the new cortisol face now that mewing is out" i need to go touch grass

trying to get banh mi at the airport and the group in front of me ordered 39 banh mis

why is google sending me 3 updates a day about burning man but no updates about trump being dead

it's just like i'm really there

my goal here in sf is to get hit by a waymo

i keep confusing "eat my dust" with "kiss my ass." i end up saying "eat my ass"

Congrats San Francisco, you've beaten Portland at this week's game of "most delayed light rail"

everything I've learned about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce has been against my will

today i went out to get us groceries (hunting) while tyler went to the bike show and found cool accessories for our bikes (gathering)

i just made and shared out a video about how to take the bus in portland. so now if anyone still drives i'm going to assume they hate me personally

the coffee shop just played a cover of "so hot you're hurting my feelings" immediately followed by the original. leftist culture is out of control

reject modernity, embrace parmesan

it's wellness month at my work, so i get to rebrand my afternoon handful of green olives straight from the jar as an "electrolyte boost"

i need a way to virtue signal to the public that i'm reading a book on my phone, not doom scrolling, and am therefore different and better

I just had a car almost hit me and the driver said "sorry, you were in my blind spot." Ma'am I was in front of you??

I didn't see any dogs yesterday >:( it was terrible. I need to see a dog today

The rise in popularity of Nerds Gummy Clusters proves my long-standing argument that Nerds Ropes are an elite candy in a too-difficult-to-eat format. In this essay I will...

Don't talk to me until I've had my emotional support Tums

a little something to take the edge off

I hope the guy from my high school who wore Sprite pajama pants every day and said Sprite was "paying him to wear them" is doing well