Now seems like a swell time to point out that Frontline just released this excellent 11-minute mini-documentary about what happened inside CECOT.

the first town hall was in primetime after football and had half the viewership of a typical colbert episode, which is at 11:30 (and that’s not counting millions more for colbert on youtube and social). so let’s stop pretending any of this is about ratings or profitability.

Know your rights. Protect your neighbors. New York is — and always will be — a city for all immigrants.

my skin crawls just imagining the utter humiliation I would feel knowing that everywhere I went people had to give me a fake little award they made up in order to calm me down and make me feel like a special big boy

trump (after zohran mamdani charms him for 5 minutes): “we’re looking very strongly at implementing socialism, many people are saying it. they love redistribution of wealth and you’re hearing it more and more. there’s a term, they call it, a centrally planned economy. it’s an old fashioned term”

(serious unbiased journalist voice) “are you trying to distract from the president’s refusal to make health care affordable by pointing out that he was also friends with a pedophile?”

this is why you work out your material in the clubs BEFORE you go on tour

trump calling her “marjorie taylor brown” and then having to explain that it’s because “green grass turns brown” is the clearest sign yet that his brain is gone. sad to see. the one thing he was ok at was names. he could’ve gone after her for insider trading. “marjorie taylor GREED” was right there

if someone asks you “did the doctors scan your brain” and you say “I don’t know what they scanned” that’s how you know you need a brain scan

(AI nana) “oh darling, I would love to tell you your favorite bedtime story, but before I do — did you know that with DraftKings, new customers bet $5 to get $200 worth of bonus bets instantly?”

zohran is mayor and vine is back. the message is clear: millennials are winning

last night’s closer look on democrats caving to a guy who got crushed in elections, is at all time lows in job approval, got booed at a football game and fell asleep in the oval office five days ago youtu.be/uBrKw6Q0pvo?...

amazon please hire me! I have a solution. I will write a script that starts “EXT. ISLAND — JAMES BOND (new, different young guy) is running through the Jungle from THREE BAD GUYS with guns” and no one will remember or care how the last movie ended. please pay me one million dollars.

democratic voters wanted their party to shut down the government for myriad reasons — troops in american cities, masked thugs ripping families apart — but dem leaders insisted the wise thing to do politically was to stay hyper-fxated on this one thing, ACA tax credits. and then they just… gave up

shutdown deal per AXIOS: republicans get: government reopens and party avoids political consequences for refusing to make health care affordable democrats get: seven beans, an old case logic CD wallet (empty), a coupon for 15% off Busch Gardens, one spiced pumpkin scented candle, a 6-pack of Zima

if it turns out Democrats “negotiated” a “deal” that allows DONALD TRUMP to SEND OUT CHECKS WITH HIS NAME ON THEM I think we would have to seriously investigate the possibility that chuck schumer is a GOP manchurian candidate and the code word that activates him is “ballroom”

if democrats are serious about winning they need to learn from tonight and convert to islam

stephen miller currently sobbing as he consumes a live goat in his cage in the white house basement

how fucking embarrassing for chuck schumer that he didn’t endorse the democratic nominee for mayor. dude is begging for a primary and it doesn’t even have to be AOC. as we learned tonight it could be an assemblyman no one’s heard of from queens. schumer should be shaking in his boots tonight.

very excited to spend the next year asking people who threatened to move out of nyc “hey whatever happened with that?”

if we elect a muslim socialist as mayor of new york city on the same day dick cheney died i’ll never take another note from a development exec telling me a plot point was “too on the nose”

if you needed another reason to go vote for @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social today just consider that with one simple 30-second act you can make a man worth $500 billion sad. just imagine elon sobbing at dinner tonight over his ketamine and nitrogen pills and hamburger helper and let that motivate you

if i found out stephen miller liked anything I was doing I would change my name and move to a different country

Tonight’s Closer Look #catapults youtu.be/o0YCCcxRNG4?...

voted for @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social and it felt great. thrilling to vote for a democratic socialist and compassionate normal human who will take on trump and the oligarchs and who talks about making food/housing/buses more affordable for working people rather than ballrooms and tylenol. go vote!

tomorrow a reporter should tell Mike Johnson and James Comer that Joe Biden said “I don’t know who he is” regarding one of his pardons and ask if the president’s mental infirmity renders his pardons null and void then say “actually that was trump” and just see what happens

trump thinks the “insurrection act” is a secret cheat code written on the back of the constitution in invisible ink that lets him do whatever he want without any judicial oversight and there’s not even the faintest pushback from the professional journalist sitting across from him

Did not expect one of the best paragraphs I’d read about baseball would come from an Irish newspaper www.irishexaminer.com/sport-column...

for the love of god have a heart and add a Game 8 you sadists

(curling into a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth, sobbing) “will smith…. (world’s largest sigh) slapped that ball” (screams)

zohran has driven the right so insane they’re writing headlines like ozymandias threatening to send a psychic squid to attack manhattan

(kristi noem after deporting 300 fifth graders dressed as kpop demon hunters) “the left’s radical anti-demon agenda has gone too far”

jeffries waiting until now to endorse is really the perfect microcosm of elite Dem futility: doing the right thing but too late and getting no credit for it

this is probably an unpopular take but I don’t think calling trump a “wrecking ball” or talking about the history or sanctity of the white house is gonna matter to people. it’s not that trump is “wrecking” politics (many want it wrecked). It’s “why?” And “for who?” He’s doing it for himself.

trump is literally doing what alien invaders do in movies to make clear they are evil: destroying the white house

if toronto wins the world series america becomes the 11th province

as a comedy writer something I love about these protests is how many genuinely creative and funny bits there are. the cava bags, this text chain. even a sign as simple as “honk if you’re not in the epstein files” really tickled me. very good stuff all around.

the parallels to 2003 are oddly very hopeful to me right now. there were massive outpourings of direction action on the streets, and a lawless authoritarian regime called anyone who participated in those rallies “traitors” who were against “the troops.” we all know who won in the end. #nokings

this is clearly the work of Antifa Central Command and their Elite Graphic Design Unit

I give shit to Jeffries (and Schumer) when they suck, so it’s also important to recognize when they’re doing it right. This is doing it right. More of this, indeed. *Everyone* involved in the corruption of this administration MUST face consequences for their actions.

this was basically the entire thrust of a piece I wrote for @newrepublic.com in july. The lesson for Democrats from Zohran’s win is actually not super complicated or even all that radical. it basically just boils down to “be normal” newrepublic.com/article/1979...

(ezra klein voice) democrats should try to win in red states by adopting a more moderate position on the question of whether democrats should or should not be arrested in military style round-ups

chuck schumer (as secret police put a black hood over his head and drag him into an unmarked van): “here’s a thought: instead of disappearing ME, maybe the president should be disappearing HIGH PRICES!” (door slams shut, van speeds away)

I’m as proud of tonight’s Closer Look as any in a long time. Not only because it’s about free speech and good news but also because there’s a long tangent about fake products from Spencer’s Gifts like a “Flush It!” button and “Butt Marbles” youtu.be/pcuhtrgOOMc?...

shit ain’t over til it’s over

Seth Meyers closed out Thursday night’s "A Closer Look" with a pointed—and personal—message about Jimmy Kimmel’s sudden suspension and its implications for free speech in America.

sitting in the studio for this, I really enjoyed how the audience immediately lost it. i thought it might take longer for them to get the bit but they immediately burst out in laughter, it was a very fun and cathartic moment

Tonight’s Closer Look youtu.be/bGpYFjwClr8?...

The following is a statement from the WGA on ABC’s decision to pull ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’