Me flirting

I could absolutely smash some Twiglets right now!

I must confirm that I *am*all out of love….And it’s not wrong.

Any takers for the Euro Lottery being ‘record breaking’ this Christmas? #afuckingscam

“It’s a shame they never used my connections, they should have used my connections! A paedo is a paedo after all!”

Who the fuck decided to put gambling site adverts on previously ad free Amazon/Netflix/ NowTV platforms?….ohhh, I forgot! It’s greedy bastards innit? #cunts #beawareoflovelygambling

My name is Ozymyndias, King of Kings, devourer of souls, these pickled onions are proper tangy.

Here is a series based on the word ‘fuck’. Fuck cancer Fuck heart disease Fuck dementia Fuck batteries that don’t work Fuck seagulls Fuck queuing Fuck visa requirements Fuck the colour red Fuck inadequate torches Fuck coal fires Fuck exorbitant fees to the NHS Fuck anything pertaining to be Royal

Parents! Need to make room in your toy chests/cupboards etc before Christmas? Gather all the unwanted/won’t be played with again toys and clean them if needed, give your local childrens ward a ring and ask if they would like some free cheer for the little ones whose Christmas might not be very merry

@cadburychocolate.bsky.social nice to see yourselves increasing the price of what was once the ‘pound’ bar(454g) by around 40%… and reducing it’s size by 10%???? Now only 360g? #greed #topheavymanagement

He thinks I can’t see him!

A right cock.

I just had to share this 🤣

The next Duke of York should be someone who has passed all checks, and should be checked on a yearly basis. #orjustfuckthetitleoffaltogether

Current situation.. #lastday

Well this will keep the serfs warm this winter.

Good morning everyone. ☕️☕️☕️

This.. ten euros…would have paid 50 after tasting. #absolutelylush #Canarianwine

Overheard just now. Daughter: Where do you want to sit Mam? Mam: IN A FUCKIN CHAIR! 😂😂

1.People who start sunbathing at 9.30am? 2.People who stop sunbathing at 11.30am? 3.People who leave their bastard towels on the loungers without returning until 3.30pm? People who should be yeeted into the deep end of the pool? See 1-3.

This made me laugh more than I expected. Sweep does Tales of the Unexpected.

Mrs P being ‘fashionably’ late for a booked table that we’ve waited all bastard week for at a cracking restaurant…

Amazon and Spotify, cunts of the highest order.

Just have to say that here they have these chocolate bonbon/truffle things available in all the little supermarkets, and they should really ban them to fat baps like me. I’m on my third box this week! #addicted

Was wondering why Jesus hadn’t tried pegging me. #GodisaDJffs

Today the best song in the world is Medicine by Tindersticks.

Still waiting.

Normally around this time on a Sunday I’m in a terrrible mood about having to start another boring week at my job…. But this week it can fuck right off! Drinking Sangria atm and have deigned to head to a cracking restaurant with 5 star reviews later tonight.

Just ran over you.

Just put ketchup and mustard on a vegan tampon.. chewy but delicious.

My youngest just sent me this and now I want to go home a week early.

Can anyone explain why I can’t mute What’s Hot Classic on here? Really fucking annoying posts about U.S politics and the Orange Clown that I left the other place for.

This explains why today’s boisterous Red Admiral took a shine to my nose.

Can confirm it’s a ‘banger’.

Horrible.

Trumpy Knickers?

There’s nothing quite like being in the Canaries and discovering that you can access your streaming channels on the big telly in your room.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Bollocks.

O..M..F..G!!! #mynewfavourite

Right, not back in work until the 20th, bit of a wedding on tomorrow, then on a plane type thing on Saturday to somewhere warm, any suggestions as how to spend Friday? I have suggested a mixed grill somewhere but Mrs P has reminded me I’m not twenty years younger so that’s out🤷‍♂️

My youngest gets married in 38 hours time and I just want to let him know that happiness with each other is a lifetimes work. Shoe colour is not important.

Hour and three quarters in, and not sensing any kind of rapture yet? #religionisstrange

Spending my lunch break in my lorry with this at full blast.

Nice to see the firework cunts are at it early in Carmarthen tonight. #wankers

What I’m wearing to the Rapture.

This racist arsehole (the one on the right) Stephen Miller, will be responsible for thousands of people’s misery in the next five years. Inadequate lickspittle that he is.

It’ll be sofa so good?

Just added fruity HP sauce to after work cheese on toast …

A remarkable thread.