The internet is broken. I saw that sunset timing infograph the BBC put together and I CANNOT find it again. Searching for it on Google, Twitter, here... everything I search for is just AI slop. This is the worst timeline.

Weight loss update. Going into the new year feeling quite happy with progress. I've gone from 110kg to 89kg since about June time. 2026 is about becoming a himbo ✨

It's fairly homophobic that I'm the only one in the London office today.

Finally in Heathrow. You mean to tell me it's going to take NINETY minutes to get over to the right part of London? I bow down to all your f*gs who love here willingly. Or maybe you're just insane.

The 14:15 flight they moved me to has now been delayed while I sit at the gate. I wanna 🔪 myself. I'm TIRED, why is everything so hard these days? 😭

Flight tomorrow morning to LCY cancelled. Next available flight gets me into LHR (ew) at 15:45 - the opposite end of London in which I wish to be. All for a Christmas team lunch I now won't make. Fuck me sideways, pass the wine.

Just seen an advert for a SPARE ROOM go for £1,600pcm in London. A spare room! I don't care that it's a big room in central London. That's bloody insane. Former oomf has lost the plot.

Was just profiled by the very nice Tesco delivery man. I answered the door after a sharp knock, rather than a buzz from the intercom. "Oh hi, your... *looks at me for a second* partner let me in downstairs."

Delighted to see that TERF twat Sandie Peggie failed in all but one of her tribunal claims. Bigoted through and through, that one.

GAMING QUESTION(s). 1. Has anyone been playing WoW recently? Is it any fun? I saw the new patch for next year and I feel like I want to dip my toes back in. 2. Has anyone been playing ARC Raiders, and is it any good? I don't trust online reviews.

The Monsters Inc Croc slippers go HARD. They are very comfy.

Unfollowing people who don't reply to my funny and witty messages on Instagram. What's your problem, I'm hilarious xo

Today is my Saturday because I'm off tomorrow.

I changed a whole-ass light fitting (wiring and everything) with no experience. I'm a tradie x

My new keyboard came and oh my GOD it sounds like sex. Not literal sex, that would be weird. But it's amazing to hear the delicate clicky clacks.

We're giving away presents in Dead by Daylight, come join in the fun ✨ twitch.tv/jacksberries

My Spotify Wrapped has been polluted by my worse half using Alexa (connected to Spotify) to play stupid repetitive shite 💀 Allegedly my top artist has to do with bedtime rest music!!!!!

Good morning divas. Today will be spent drinking coffee and playing video games, whilst wiggling my work mouse periodically. For legal reasons, this is a joke x

Weighed in at under 90kg for the first time in about 3 years this morning. I'm actually so happy ☺️ Hoping to be SKINNY for Christmas and then serious gym work begins.

The concept of a gay man getting engaged in DUBAI of all places.

Despite someone having the *same* first name as me, they have replied to my email calling me "Jake". Fuck. My. Chungus. Life.

Going to a concert and drinking on a Sunday evening was a shocking idea. Now cold and hungover.

Wicked For Good was definitely a film that happened!

Just left my old flat for the last time after doing the final bit of emptying & cleaning ahead of tomorrow's official exchange. My first wee place I got over 8 years ago. Sad to be leaving, honestly, but my new flat is going to be lovely once we're all settled in 💚

I'm sorry but stamp duty is insane. On top of deposits and conveyancer fees it just feels never ending 😭

Seeing cupcakKe with a new friend this weekend. I haven't been to a gig in YEARS. I'm not cool, help xo

Benefits of moving literally 1 minute down the road #361 - Dorothy still gets to enjoy her favourite park walk. Not pictured: Dorothy.

All moved in. Champagne and pizza for tea last night. Off work today, need to unpack 💀

The movers have shown up and they were shocked at how prepared we were. What the fuck is everyone else doing, because I almost died yesterday stressing.

Haven't moved for 8 years. Just packed up my flat and only had 18 relationship-ending fights. I feel like that's pretty good going, really. Tomorrow cannot come soon enough 😵‍💫

I've been cracking up at this photo my mum took of me in my new kitchen "to show her pals".

Back in Edinburgh after surviving Glasgow. Nice to be back in civilisation x

"I've just come back to the property and discovered a leak." Not words you want to hear from your kitchen fitter days before moving 🤠

Bluesky's compression in photos is heinous. Why won't it let me upload high quality kilt pics? Rude.

Work night out / awards ceremony thing. I didn't win Employee of the Year, rude.

Nipped over to the flat to see how the kitchen is coming along. Tomorrow is supposedly the last day* but only the bottom cabinets are installed (!). It looks really nice though 🥰 *I am not moving for another week after that, so there is wiggle room.

TL;DR my dad got the same coffee machine as me but has no idea how to use it, so I made him a little video. Clock the fagcent.

Made it to Friday!

This has been the BEST telly in fucking years. How did they pull it off? 😭 #TheTraitors

My obnoxious trait is that I comment "I love Paris!" in response to anyone's tourist pictures in other famous cities.

5 people from my new flat's community group 'laugh reacted' to a message I sent. The fucking high that unleashed. WOOSH.

Nothing, and I mean *nothing*, has made me feel more ancient than the young'ns using "6 7" as a meme. They find it hilarious! What does it mean? God, I'm old.

Morning

Kitchen ripout/fit started just now. Right as we're about to start: "Oh by the way, is there somewhere we can store your old kitchen outside, until Monday?" Readers, the flat is floor 3 in a rather large development. I don't think this man has thought this through. HELP.

Both of my retired parents are too busy to receive my phone calls today. Madness! One of them is off for luncheon with her ladies and the other is at BRIDGE of all things.

We have a new Japanese colleague start yesterday and he just emailed me "Hi Jack-san!".

Going to the bank today to withdraw an obscene amount of cash. Why do I feel like a criminal? 💀

*logs on and sends 3 emails* Whew, time for a coffee break I think.

Divas - I really wanna play some co-op games with y'all. What are we playing?

Okay but look at the heels. LOOK AT THEM.